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Old Jan 17, 2023 at 12:37 AM
  #21
 
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So there's a couple of alternative stores......

Thank you! I'm going to check out each one. I'm 60 years old, but if I love it, I wear it

btw, if you haven't yet, do check out etsy.com

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Old Jan 17, 2023 at 08:56 AM
  #22
 
I have another reason for not letting people use the bathroom - liability. If the person gets hurt, or claims to get hurt, while on the property they can sue.
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Old Jan 17, 2023 at 09:42 AM
  #23
 
If you can develop your mind over time where chiz like that ends up just washes over you, then believe me, that's the best place to be. Because you're never going to be able to stop negative crap from happening, Ever. It's about you. 🙏

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Old Jan 17, 2023 at 07:37 PM
  #24
 
You know what makes me mad?? When someone says OR calls the police because someone "looked suspicious". What does that even mean??

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Old Jan 17, 2023 at 08:37 PM
  #25
 
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So a few days ago, I deposited some money at my bank into my account, and I had to use the bathroom really bad. I used the ATM outside of the building, I came in with my partner. Mind you, I was wearing this oversized colorful alternative shirt, had blue jeans on, some winter boots with a little dirty fur (but it's all that I have), and I had my Alien back pack on. My curly, frizzy hair was in a messy bun, and I had acne scabs all over my forehead (because I'm a horrible skin picker and hate looking at whiteheads), and I'm also tall and fairly skinny. I asked one of the employees if I could use the restrooms really quick and that I had just deposited money. She gave me a look in all seriousness and said we don't allow public restrooms. Also, my partner and I aren't homeless, and neither of us do any kind of drugs. We're both disabled, and we live off of SSDI and low income.

Alternative clothing is cheaper to buy than nice blouses, a nice dress, or a nicer pair of shoes. Acne product treatments are also costly and so is hair care. My body does not retain on weight very well.

There's only one thing that the Bank Employee thought I was because of my given appearance.
I’m so sorry. I been discriminated against because of my disability.

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Old Jan 18, 2023 at 07:43 AM
  #26
 
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Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post
I have another reason for not letting people use the bathroom - liability. If the person gets hurt, or claims to get hurt, while on the property they can sue.
This is true and could even be written into the business insurance.
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Old Jan 18, 2023 at 05:44 PM
  #27
 
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Yeah I didn’t mean to run down Fortnum and Mason, they likely have a lot of employees and I just got this one man who was very offhand and snooty - I guess like the original OP you just ‘feel’ a vibe, of course you usually can’t prove it. Yeah you could possibly be right about our perception being skewed (maybe the man was late for his lunch break and in a bad mood idk) but also sometimes we are right in our instinct. Btw unless you lived in UK you might not be aware of how ridiculously divided many are about regional accents - sad to say my accent is one that is looked down on by many in other areas that’s reality not my perception.

People do judge all the time you’re right Owl, maybe for good and bad, but yeah we judge in the store who we think looks like they may shoplift for instance (not race but behaviour and often not clean or neat). A long ago colleague of mine got followed around a store - he’d been having chemo so he was underweight and lost teeth of course he thought it was funny, after all he was going through.

Anyhow I’m rambling but OP I hope you’ll rise above any negative judgement about your appearance and stay true to yourself.
Yeah I know about regional accents. I spend a lot of time in UK (don’t live there). I am not a native English speaker though so I have accent speaking English regardless if I am in the US or UK. My English is clear though and it’s American version so in the US it’s not an issue, in UK I am sometimes misunderstood and people ask what I mean. I really don’t care if people look down on me. I am trilingual. Boo hoo so I have an accent.

When I was younger, I worried what people think of me or how they look at me. People do judge others. But we probably judge others too. And people often assume they are being judged, when really no one cares, they just follow the rules or deal with their own issues. So by assuming we are being judged, we pass on judgements on those supposedly “judgemental” people. All while they don’t even care, so who judges who then. That’s just how we humans are. Nature of the beast

I do agree with the advice to try ignoring what others might think about us. It’s not easy though. My husband has Tourette’s. Talking about people passing uneducated judgement and downright being bullies. People could be plain evil
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Old Jan 20, 2023 at 10:46 AM
  #28
 
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
This is true and could even be written into the business insurance.
That is so true

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And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 11:02 AM
  #29
 
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Originally Posted by Calla lily12 View Post
You know what makes me mad?? When someone says OR calls the police because someone "looked suspicious". What does that even mean??
CallaLilly, I used to work at a food delivery business that was open until 2am. One night the assistant manager and I were at the front counter in the wee hours of the morning. A guy came in wearing a motorcycle helmet with full face mask. The assistant manager, using a joking tone of voice, asked if he was going to remove the helmet or did she need to hit the panic button. They both treated it like a joke, but I noticed she had her had near the button. Covering your face and entering a cash based business is "suspicious" behavior.

Given the number of members here who have been assaulted in the past, I am surprised at how many people are making judgements of people who are trusting their own inner voice warning them of potential danger. We advocate listening to that inner voice. Some times what might be perceived as discrimination might be a person keeping themself safe.

Before anyone jumps on me for advocating discrimination - I am not. I have no patience with people who dislike others for their appearance. I have experienced and witnessed it. It's just plain wrong.

I am struggling to say this next part and not insult anyone...

Businesses should be allowed to restrict access to their site. Would you allow a stranger in your house if they knocked on the door and asked to use the bathroom? I used to work out of an office in a strip center full of other offices. At least once a week we'd get someone come in and as to use the bathroom
It was not a drop in kind of business. We told them "no" because we had no idea who these people were or what they might do. It was a safety issue for us. As far as I'm concerned other businesses have the right to say no also.
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 03:14 PM
  #30
 
For 15 years I worked in a funky indie coffeehouse/cafe. People could use the bathrooms freely, whether customer or not. Every now and then,
Possible trigger:
So bathrooms, yeah, iffy places.

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Last edited by FooZe; Jan 24, 2023 at 08:04 PM.. Reason: added trigger tags and icon
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 06:40 PM
  #31
 
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For 15 years I worked in a funky indie coffeehouse/cafe. People could use the bathrooms freely, whether customer or not.
Possible trigger:
So bathrooms, yeah, iffy places.
That's a hazard. Most places won't let their employees clean up blood anymore.

Last edited by FooZe; Jan 24, 2023 at 08:06 PM.. Reason: added trigger tags (to quote only)
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 07:24 PM
  #32
 
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That's a hazard. Most places won't let their employees clean up blood anymore.
I agree. Extremely dangerous.
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 07:25 PM
  #33
 
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Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post


CallaLilly, I used to work at a food delivery business that was open until 2am. One night the assistant manager and I were at the front counter in the wee hours of the morning. A guy came in wearing a motorcycle helmet with full face mask. The assistant manager, using a joking tone of voice, asked if he was going to remove the helmet or did she need to hit the panic button. They both treated it like a joke, but I noticed she had her had near the button. Covering your face and entering a cash based business is "suspicious" behavior.

Given the number of members here who have been assaulted in the past, I am surprised at how many people are making judgements of people who are trusting their own inner voice warning them of potential danger. We advocate listening to that inner voice. Some times what might be perceived as discrimination might be a person keeping themself safe.

Before anyone jumps on me for advocating discrimination - I am not. I have no patience with people who dislike others for their appearance. I have experienced and witnessed it. It's just plain wrong.

I am struggling to say this next part and not insult anyone...

Businesses should be allowed to restrict access to their site. Would you allow a stranger in your house if they knocked on the door and asked to use the bathroom? I used to work out of an office in a strip center full of other offices. At least once a week we'd get someone come in and as to use the bathroom
It was not a drop in kind of business. We told them "no" because we had no idea who these people were or what they might do. It was a safety issue for us. As far as I'm concerned other businesses have the right to say no also.
Yes I do know what you mean I was talking about those moments when someone ,for no reason at all deems someone suspicious.
I would never discount your gut feeling. I guess theses a fine line between being cautious and discrimination.

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Last edited by FooZe; Jan 24, 2023 at 07:59 PM.. Reason: Removed proper name
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 07:29 PM
  #34
 
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Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post


CallaLilly, I used to work at a food delivery business that was open until 2am. One night the assistant manager and I were at the front counter in the wee hours of the morning. A guy came in wearing a motorcycle helmet with full face mask. The assistant manager, using a joking tone of voice, asked if he was going to remove the helmet or did she need to hit the panic button. They both treated it like a joke, but I noticed she had her had near the button. Covering your face and entering a cash based business is "suspicious" behavior.

Given the number of members here who have been assaulted in the past, I am surprised at how many people are making judgements of people who are trusting their own inner voice warning them of potential danger. We advocate listening to that inner voice. Some times what might be perceived as discrimination might be a person keeping themself safe.

Before anyone jumps on me for advocating discrimination - I am not. I have no patience with people who dislike others for their appearance. I have experienced and witnessed it. It's just plain wrong.

I am struggling to say this next part and not insult anyone...

Businesses should be allowed to restrict access to their site. Would you allow a stranger in your house if they knocked on the door and asked to use the bathroom? I used to work out of an office in a strip center full of other offices. At least once a week we'd get someone come in and as to use the bathroom
It was not a drop in kind of business. We told them "no" because we had no idea who these people were or what they might do. It was a safety issue for us. As far as I'm concerned other businesses have the right to say no also.
I think when we demand that employees extend their kindness to strangers in detriment to their own employment (violating company’s policies) and to detriment to their own safety, we need to remember to extend our kindness to employees who have to follow company’s policies and who need to feel safe in their work place. Judgment goes both ways.
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Old Jan 23, 2023 at 07:41 PM
  #35
 
Since I'm having a sensitive/ b*tchy evening I'd better stop responding.

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Last edited by FooZe; Jan 24, 2023 at 08:00 PM.. Reason: administrative edit (removed quote)
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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:27 AM
  #36
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post
For 15 years I worked in a funky indie coffeehouse/cafe. People could use the bathrooms freely, whether customer or not. Every now and then,
Possible trigger:
So bathrooms, yeah, iffy places.
I used to work in a restaurant and a customer had walked in and informed us how bad the men restrooms was and pointed out which customers it was that left the restaurant room messy and my ex boyfriend ended up being the one who had to clean the bathroom up.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries

Last edited by FooZe; Jan 24, 2023 at 08:07 PM.. Reason: added trigger tags (to quote only)
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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 04:32 PM
  #37
 
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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy View Post
That's a hazard. Most places won't let their employees clean up blood anymore.

This wasn't that long ago, and yes - it was a biohazard. But like I said, it was a very indie coffeehouse...the owner didn't pay much attention to laws. We wore plastic gloves to clean up all the blood in the bathroom. But it still got on my shoes.

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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 12:54 PM
  #38
 
A lot of businesses have signs saying they have the right to refuse service to anyone. I don’t know if that includes using the restrooms. And along those lines I see signs saying “No public restrooms”.

I know where all the restrooms are in my area but still avoid drinking anything until I reach my destination, unless I know there’s a restroom there. Even so I could get stuck in traffic. Rule of thumb for me is to watch what I drink and eat unless I’m at home. No bathroom restrictions there.

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I was discriminated because of my appearance

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


I was discriminated because of my appearance

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 01:01 PM
  #39
 
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Originally Posted by Calla lily12 View Post
Yes I do know what you mean I was talking about those moments when someone ,for no reason at all deems someone suspicious.
I would never discount your gut feeling. I guess theses a fine line between being cautious and discrimination.
True. My dentist has an office in an office complex. The restrooms are locked and you need a key from the business you’re going to. This seems common in office buildings or suites of offices.

I guess it’s a complex issue, making snap decisions based on gut, past experience and the person’s appearance. All I know is that you have to go sooner or later and wish it was something not to worry about. As it is we have enough going on in the world.

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I was discriminated because of my appearance

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


I was discriminated because of my appearance

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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