After all these years

Calla lily12 · Jan 16, 2023 at 10:41 PM

Many years ago at this time of year, I was put in a horrible state hospital. Obviously, I lived through it and its been a long time. The problem is I can't get it out of my mind ,recently. Its constant flashbacks. I thought ******TRIGGER

I would die in there, either from neglect, staff or other patients.

I haven't thought about it in such a long time. Now I can't escape it.
Maybe cause its the same time of year?? This is very hard to deal with.

*Beth* · Jan 17, 2023 at 12:17 AM

Hi lily, That sounds like a lot of people's worst nightmare. It's entirely understandable that you feel triggered now, at this time of the year - which for many of us is already a difficult season.

I was 23 years old the first time I was IP. It wasn't really so bad; I found a novel to read, a few of the staff were pleasant ('though most were cranky). I made friends with a young woman my age. So things were not terrible

Possible trigger:

until one night. I was sound asleep when I felt something soft over my face and head. One of the patients had come into my room and was smothering me with a pillow.

I kicked and screamed and fought; fortunately, a nurse came in and pulled the woman away from me.

That was 37 years ago, but I still flash back to it sometimes with a feeling of such fear. And that was only the small psych inpatient wing of a large regular hospital. I can imagine how terrifying it must have felt to be in a state hospital. How long were you in there?

Calla lily12 · Jan 17, 2023 at 11:27 AM

That must have been terrifying!
The hospital wasn't just like IP it was what you'd consider an asylum. If I could find a photo, I'd show you.

Calla lily12 · Jan 17, 2023 at 11:29 AM

Danvers State Hospital - Wikipedia

*Beth* · Jan 17, 2023 at 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calla lily12

Danvers State Hospital - Wikipedia

Yes, I understand. The hospital was closed in 1992, so you must have been there quite a while ago. How long were you hospitalized?

Calla lily12 · Jan 17, 2023 at 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Hi lily, That sounds like a lot of people's worst nightmare. It's entirely understandable that you feel triggered now, at this time of the year - which for many of us is already a difficult season.

I was 23 years old the first time I was IP. It wasn't really so bad; I found a novel to read, a few of the staff were pleasant ('though most were cranky). I made friends with a young woman my age. So things were not terrible

Possible trigger:

until one night. I was sound asleep when I felt something soft over my face and head. One of the patients had come into my room and was smothering me with a pillow.

I kicked and screamed and fought; fortunately, a nurse came in and pulled the woman away from me.

That was 37 years ago, but I still flash back to it sometimes with a feeling of such fear. And that was only the small psych inpatient wing of a large regular hospital. I can imagine how terrifying it must have felt to be in a state hospital. How long were you in there?

Beth I was in there a little over 3 months.

*Beth* · Jan 18, 2023 at 04:12 PM

That's plenty long enough. Were there any positive experiences for you while you were IP?

Calla lily12 · Jan 18, 2023 at 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

That's plenty long enough. Were there any positive experiences for you while you were IP?

positive from the state hospital? One other patient that had been there for many years, gave me strength. Other than that, I don't know how or why I made it out. The memories (flashbacks) are more clear and more terrible than before.

*Beth* · Jan 19, 2023 at 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calla lily12

positive from the state hospital? One other patient that had been there for many years, gave me strength. Other than that, I don't know how or why I made it out. The memories (flashbacks) are more clear and more terrible than before.

I'm so sorry, lily. Are there any particular bad memories you'd like to share, just to "air them out" or vent?

Calla lily12 · Jan 20, 2023 at 01:25 PM

I'm afraid to because either it will make the flashbacks worse or it will badly trigger people here. Also any identifying info won't be good. Thank you for the suggestion, though.

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Calla lily12 Grand Member Member Since Jul 2018 Location: a place far away Posts: 830 5 979 hugs given	Jan 17, 2023 at 11:27 AM #3 That must have been terrifying! The hospital wasn't just like IP it was what you'd consider an asylum. If I could find a photo, I'd show you. __________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always....
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Calla lily12 Grand Member Member Since Jul 2018 Location: a place far away Posts: 830 5 979 hugs given	Jan 17, 2023 at 11:29 AM #4 Danvers State Hospital - Wikipedia __________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always....
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 04:12 PM #7 That's plenty long enough. Were there any positive experiences for you while you were IP? __________________
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Calla lily12 Grand Member Member Since Jul 2018 Location: a place far away Posts: 830 5 979 hugs given	Jan 20, 2023 at 01:25 PM #10 I'm afraid to because either it will make the flashbacks worse or it will badly trigger people here. Also any identifying info won't be good. Thank you for the suggestion, though. __________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always....
	Reply With Quote