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KP721
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Default Feb 04, 2023 at 02:08 PM
  #1
Hello. My boyfriend of 3 months just recently went into psychosis about 10 days ago. He says that the cause is all my fault as he fears I am out to harm him. I have past experience of ex boyfriends and very close friends with schizophrenia so I have been in this position more times than one. He believes I have poisoned his lotion, he thinks I am trying to get him thrown out of the country. He is new to America, here on a student visa. I don’t believe it’s schizophrenia because it’s strictly paranoia. He says this is the first time it ever happened to him so of course he believes I am the cause. My question is .. I don’t see treatment in the near future for him. So I am praying he can come out of this on his own (especially if it’s sleep deprived psychosis or just due to stress) will he always associate me with this? He has broken up with me and wants nothing to do with me but I am the only support he has in America right now. After I had my own breakdown from heartache I’m thinking logical again and I just want him better. I don’t know what role to play. Please help
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Default Feb 05, 2023 at 07:39 AM
  #2
There is no role you can play. He has to get help.
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Default Feb 05, 2023 at 09:02 AM
  #3
Hi KP721

Quote:
He has broken up with me and wants nothing to do with me but...
Unfortunately the above quote tells me everything you need to know. He simply doesn't want you around now. He may not always associate you with his paranoid belief, but that's neither here nor there really. Just let him go now, and nurture your grief. It's time to move on.🙏

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Default Feb 05, 2023 at 02:38 PM
  #4
I feel for you, honestly I do. But kind, compassionate people are often the ones who get hurt or emotionally harmed by people who are having psychotic breaks.

Please protect yourself. It's probably better that he has broken up with you.

You can steer him towards help; that's all you should be doing, if you're doing anything.

Many huggs. It's clear you're a caring individual. But we cannot fix everything for other people.
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Default Feb 06, 2023 at 12:19 PM
  #5
This relationship became a bad thing. It should be over now. He may deteriorate and decompensate further. That will eventually cause him to come to the attention of the authorities. That may result in him getting some medical attention. Don't think you can rescue him. You can't.

Did he manage to cross international borders prior to becoming your boyfriend? If so, he is not helpless, or he has had some other network of support.

It sounds like having a girlfriend actually destabilized him. So you need to back away from him, as he has wanted you to do.

On a deeper level, you need to look at your tendency to get entangled with very disturbed individuals. That may not be the best approach for you to use to build a healthy, successful life for yourself.
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Default Feb 06, 2023 at 05:26 PM
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You can't rescue or fix him.He needs to get help for himself.
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Default Feb 06, 2023 at 10:45 PM
  #7
He broke up with you. So it’s over. I am not sure what role you want to play in someone’s life if you only dated for 3 months and they ended it. As about mental illness, he needs to seek help and he will when he’s ready. There’s nothing you can do about this guy.
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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 07:32 PM
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You sound like a kind and caring person. People who are caring and compassionate often feel like we are responsible for others' well-being. In one way that is a beautiful and wonderful thing. But, like @MuseumGhost said, it's truly important for you to remember to protect yourself. As painful as a break-up can be, it sounds like you're life will be less complicated if your ex is not directly in it, since he has developed a negative fixation about you. You can still wish him well and have compassion for him, though. Brightest blessings...thank you for being a decent human being.

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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 10:10 PM
  #9
You have a point, Beth.

@KP721 - It's never wrong to care about someone. It seems like you hinted that you've faced challenges yourself. So you are extra sensitive to someone with mental health challenges. Your instinct is to help. Sometimes letting go is what is best. Also he deserves the dignity of having his boundaries respected. It might be good, if you talked with a counselor about this and other relationships that have brought you a good deal of stress.
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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 10:32 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
You have a point, Beth.

@KP721 - It's never wrong to care about someone. It seems like you hinted that you've faced challenges yourself. So you are extra sensitive to someone with mental health challenges. Your instinct is to help. Sometimes letting go is what is best. Also he deserves the dignity of having his boundaries respected. It might be good, if you talked with a counselor about this and other relationships that have brought you a good deal of stress.
That’s a great point. When one’s partner wants to end a relationship, we must show respect and give them space even it hurts. We should show kindness by not making it about ourselves and about what we want or think must be happening. Showing people respect is a paramount even when it hurts. One can only assume what’s good for the other person. Assumptions are often wrong. We simply do not know. If the person wants to be done, we need to allow them to make a decision and step back giving space.

Therapy is a great suggestion too
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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 11:48 PM
  #11
Paranoia sometimes has this perceptions of conspiracy. Like him thinking you poisoned his lotion.Even if you want to help him,he may perceive some conspiracy. If you find out a local psychiatrist and suggest to him ,he may think you and another person (therapist) are conspiring to do harm to him.Specially he already has such thoughts about you.You wanting to help him out of compassion may further push him towards more paranoia. He doesn't trust you remember.I say staying away from him will do good for both of you.You said he is on a student visa.His school may have resources that he could use.If his condition is induced by his study stress,school will have a counselor available, I am sure.He needs to reach out for those resources available to him.
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