What'll happen to me if i have a episode while logged in?

cause i'm getting worried about if i go into full on freakout mode while logged in and cannot control it

cause i know from experience of forums (any forum) that full on freakout mode that doesn't pass upon moderator command normally means willowtigger gets into the brown stinky stuff that normally gets flushed down the toilet

What I would suggest is you make a commitment to yourself right now, today, that you will sign off immediately if you even think you'll be triggered into "full on freak out mode". Let those strong feelings pass before you engage with the site again.

If you have been banned from other sites for that behaviour, I can only assume you could face the same or similar consequences here, especially if these behaviours involve being abusive to others.

Make that commitment. No one wants to see you banned.

Im never abusive to others, the worst i do is go into attack mode against myself

I freak out, get screamed at by the staff which makes me worse, then restrictions get done, the message that comes up then starts to be cruel, that makes me worse which means restrictions stay, which makes me even worse and it carries on like this when i can settle down if the restrictions get lifted early

But i dont get listened to when im in restrictions..... Sigh

No moderator is going to be cruel to you here.

However, if your behaviour is deemed unacceptable by the site standards, you may be banned.

I still think your safest bet is to make a commitment to sign off until the episode has passed. You are aware of your own behaviour and you've suffered the repercussions previously. Take steps to make sure that doesn't happen again. You and only you are responsible for your behaviour.

Go scream into a pillow to get the energy out of you if necessary.

The main problem is it can escalate quickly, often i wont even know ones coming until it suddenly happens and i get screamed at by admin

OK.
What I'm hearing is you can't/won't do anything to prevent an outburst as you "lose control". It's not your fault. You've told us so yourself.

Are you looking for a free pass for bad behaviour that you're willing to unleash on the forum? To blame it on an admin for "screaming" at you? For being "cruel" to you? After all it's not your fault. You "lose control".

Or are you just giving us a heads up that sooner or later you'll lose your "stinky brown stuff" and get banned? So this is just an early goodbye.

What are you willing to do to prevent a recurrence of what has happened at other forums? You have an awareness that your behaviour can get out of control. You have an awareness that if you do the same thing here there is a potential of being banned.

The only question is: What are you willing to do to prevent it?

I'm not looking for any free pass, what I mean is I cannot recognise for myself when I'm heading down that path, I just don't have the "early warning system" in my brain

If I could recognise the early warning signs then I'd be able to stop myself in my tracks, but I just don't have brakes for it in my brain. i do want to prevent outbursts but like i said i cannot recognise the early warning signs for myself

If i wasnt so stupid i'd learn the early warning signs and stop before i got anywhere near the line of "the staff have to do something"

I have literally been screamed at years ago by a admin on a forum before - my so-called crime? not wanting to have anything to do with her pet member - this is literally what she screamed at me about - as in literally

cause the moderator told me and admin's pet to ignore each other, which i did, admin's pet then kept posting in my threads to get a response out of me, if I completely blanked her she ran to the admin to say "its not fair, this member who we got moderator ordered to ignore each other is ignoring me" the admin took her side cause she was admin's pet, she would scream at me if I ignored her pet and she would scream at me if I said anything to her so i could not do the right thing no matter what

thats why getting screamed at by a admin literally triggers me, I'm not referring to a message of "you did this wrong" i'm talking about when they send messages to threaten and scream over something that either isn't in the rules at all or if they set me up to fail as in "no matter what you do, its wrong" - even to the point where if i make a spelling mistake i get a furious admin after me for daring to SHOCK HORROR not be able to spell something

Another example of having a admin coming after me, I'm not exaggerating, one forever banned me for not being able to touch type - cause I missed something their moderator said, due to the fact I was having to look down at the keyboard, and instead of accepting my apology and explanation of "I was typing, I can't touch type, I have to look at the keyboard and not at the screen so I missed something a moderator said", admin there decided to ban me for it

Another example is getting banned literally for being unable to spell a moderator's name cause the moderator got pissed off and offended cause how very DARE a member have dyslexia

Another thing a admin had a go at me over was being offline one night when another member there was doing a suicide to herself (I logged back in, to the news that the member had suicided, reason I was offline was I had to sleep, and I never did find out exactly what went down after I went offline to sleep, by the staff there's own admissions I was one of the most supportive members there, so to this day I still don't understand why the admin turned against me there when I literally hadn't done anything - apart from go offline to sleep, that's literally all my "crime" was - time zone differences meant me and the member I got on well with, couldn't always be online at the same time

I'm willing to own up to things if I have actually done wrong but:

1) how exactly is dyslexia and being unable to touch type, deserving of having a admin screaming at me? and forever ban time?

and 2) How exactly is it my fault, going offline to sleep one night, then going back onto that forum to recieve a really nasty accusing message from the admin, basically telling me that cause I'd had to get some sleep, that I was a evil scumbag and was responsible for the suicide of a member there who I got on really well with?

Having emotional unstable personality disorder/borderline personality disorder, does make it very difficult

I'm trying not to "unleash bad behaviour onto the forums" by the way

thats not what i came here for

I mean, in real life if I start to feel upset I physically isolate myself

not sure how i can isolate myself on a forum, without logging off? Even then, its too easy to log back in?

willowtigger. You have been here for like what, a year? I don't think you have received any of the treatment that you have received at other forums, by the admins on this forum. Everyone is trying to help you feel secure here. No one is trying to hurt you, or scream at you, or threaten you. As far as I know, no one is trying to ban you. Please try to rest in the fact that these things are not happening here. I understand they happened in the past at other forums, but this is not the same thing. Please don't upset yourself by what might happen. Stay in the present moment. Do your best to be encouraging and supportive of other members and you will be fine. HUGS Kit

i know if Tigger dies it'll trigger a episode, losing Ebony sent me into a major episode

Ebony my steetpea please dont take Tigger on tuesday

What you described happening at other forums sounds distressing. I'm sorry that happened to you. It doesn't sound fair.

I've never seen that kind of behaviour from a mod in almost 4 years of being here. From what I've seen, no one gets banned as punishment or because a mod or other member doesn't like them. Banning appears to happen to protect other members from unacceptable behaviour of a member, not to punish that member. Everyone, including you, has a right to feel safe on this forum.

You seem to have a genuine desire to do the right thing so you don't get banned. And that is to be commended.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty willowtigger. You have been here for like what, a year? I don't think you have received any of the treatment that you have received at other forums, by the admins on this forum. Everyone is trying to help you feel secure here. No one is trying to hurt you, or scream at you, or threaten you. As far as I know, no one is trying to ban you. Please try to rest in the fact that these things are not happening here. I understand they happened in the past at other forums, but this is not the same thing. Please don't upset yourself by what might happen. Stay in the present moment. Do your best to be encouraging and supportive of other members and you will be fine. HUGS Kit

Excellent reply Kit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger I mean, in real life if I start to feel upset I physically isolate myself not sure how i can isolate myself on a forum, without logging off? Even then, its too easy to log back in?

Willow, you said in an earlier post that you "cannot recognise for myself when I'm heading down that path". Here you said you isolate yourself in real life. May I suggest that when you start to have those feelings when on line you log off and turn the computer off. Then walk away from the computer, "isolate" yourself from the computer. Kit made some great observations and suggestions in her post. Please try to stay focused in the here and now. None of the things that happened at that other place have happened, or will happen, here.

Stupid internet box has died tonight, having to rely on phone, apparently its this whole village and next one along who have no internets cause the internets has run out or something, hope plusnet and bt both get their proverbial arses into gear tomorrow and get it sorted

I think the difference is im a natural isolator in real life, even long before i suddenly go into full on blow up mode