Do you over explain yourself

Stillhuman · Jun 19, 2023 at 06:35 PM

I feel like I have this annoying habit of over explaining myself and feel like how I express myself, no matter how well intended I am, gets twisted and ridiculed into being something totally wrong.

I know the root cause is emotional neglect and invalidation to the extreme.

I disconnected from a few people recently (family, my ex) who liked to lash out with me having said x so many months ago (without context, or by leaving out major details).

Even knowing there are falsehoods or things have been deliberately taken out of context, I tend to question what have I done? And what can I do better? The truthful answer is there is nothing I can do because this person is trying to frame my character as negatively as possible, and they will twist my reaction, no matter how kindly I react.

I know this but I can’t help how that **** makes me feel and there almost is no way to avoid people saying and doing ****** things with the intention of dragging you down.

How do I stop the need to over explain myself.

mote.of.soul · Jun 19, 2023 at 11:29 PM

Hang in there buddy, I understand where you're coming from.

My thoughts are that if this person has heard your explanations several times but continues to misrepresent you very negatively, then the way to stop over-explaining yourself here, is to end the drama: say goodbye to them. That can be your final say with this person. That's my view and my approach based on what you've written here. Peace of mind and a calmer soul are as gifts.

eskielover · Jun 22, 2023 at 10:59 AM

I over explained everything to my now ex husband because he never got what I said the first time & I thought if I said it differently until he got it that was the answer. He never did understand (or ignored) what I said. I left & moved far away across the country. I was in a habbit of doing this from being with him 33 years. When I moved around people who did understand without the over explaining it took me a long time to break that habbit.

Removing yourself from dysfunctional people & having normal people around your life makes a big difference on how to stop doing it

Jun 26, 2023 at 12:37 PM

I had to reevaluate myself in this sense and stop doing it. I had to remind myself that I don't owe anyone an explanation and if they don't understand me, that's on them. Not everyone is going to "get" you. But there will be the few who do. Hold on to and focus on them. Its a hard lesson, I know.

Willcat · Jun 27, 2023 at 04:25 PM

No, I'm very closed off that way. I have to see if that person is fully trustworthy then I disclose small bits of me. No trust, no communication.

eskielover · Jun 27, 2023 at 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willcat

No, I'm very closed off that way. I have to see if that person is fully trustworthy then I disclose small bits of me. No trust, no communication.

For me this wasn't about disclosing any bits of me....it was just trying to explain to my now ex husband what he needed to do. I would explain & he would look at me as if I were speaking a foreign language so I would try & try to explain different ways to try & get him to understand & it wasn't like we were at different education levels or in different careers. It was so amazing when I was around people who understand what I am saying without all the extra work

bridgengc519525 · Jul 03, 2023 at 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stillhuman

I feel like I have this annoying habit of over explaining myself and feel like how I express myself, no matter how well intended I am, gets twisted and ridiculed into being something totally wrong.

I know the root cause is emotional neglect and invalidation to the extreme.

I disconnected from a few people recently (family, my ex) who liked to lash out with me having said x so many months ago (without context, or by leaving out major details).

Even knowing there are falsehoods or things have been deliberately taken out of context, I tend to question what have I done? And what can I do better? The truthful answer is there is nothing I can do because this person is trying to frame my character as negatively as possible, and they will twist my reaction, no matter how kindly I react.

I know this but I can’t help how that **** makes me feel and there almost is no way to avoid people saying and doing ****** things with the intention of dragging you down.

How do I stop the need to over explain myself.

Hi! it takes practice and self-awareness. Start by trusting yourself and your intentions. Remind yourself that you don't owe anyone a detailed explanation for every little thing.

ocdwifeofsociopath · Sep 22, 2023 at 10:48 PM

All the time! It took me for forever to learn to stop half-way and that's still too far!

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Anonymous49852 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 26, 2023 at 12:37 PM #4 I had to reevaluate myself in this sense and stop doing it. I had to remind myself that I don't owe anyone an explanation and if they don't understand me, that's on them. Not everyone is going to "get" you. But there will be the few who do. Hold on to and focus on them. Its a hard lesson, I know.
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ocdwifeofsociopath Member Member Since May 2013 Posts: 480 10 16 hugs given	Sep 22, 2023 at 10:48 PM #8 All the time! It took me for forever to learn to stop half-way and that's still too far!
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