Building a Whole New Life

I was never that fearless but used to take more risks. That trite saying about nothing ventured nothing gained is true, yet glosses over how much risking and venturing one is really doing. I can relate to what you’re saying believe me. Like you I’ve had so much of toxic people, even from my so-called “family”. It’s ever so much worse when it’s your own blood. It is NOT thicker than water.

Yeah I also seek comfort and safety. I don’t even feel safe in my own neighborhood and it doesn’t help to always be alone. Neighbors are no help. I even had one neighbor abruptly stop talking to me. We used to exchange greetings and small talk about building bs, like how the elevator is taking so long to be repaired. Now she walks past me without even looking at me. What the eff?

I looked up why do people suck and found a lot of stuff. One thing that stood out is how one article said it takes effort and work to be a good person, such as not ghosting people and making an effort in maintaining friendships. And people don’t want to do it.

I even try to cross the street with other people as drivers are less likely to turn in front of or run over a group. (I am aware of drivers plowing into crowds at riots or rallies but I’m referring to everyday or routine walking about)

Life has beaten me to a pulp and feel in pieces. If it wasn’t for this site I’d have lost my mind, thinking it’s just me.

———
Posted directly on site using iPhone

That is very strange about your neighbor. Sorry that happened to you!

I know what you mean about toxic people and family. I just found out the most disturbing news about my nephew's father.. my sister's abusive ex husband. He
. I am just disgusted and in shock. We knew his dad was evil, but this takes evil to a whole new level.

I also know what you mean about feeling beaten to a pulp. It sounds like you need something really positive to happen in your life, or, you create a positive life for yourself and be proactive about it.

I am really enjoying my new job, which is bringing a lot more positive energy into my life. It seems to be a great company that treats employees well, with some truly amazing people, and it's a very interesting position I carry. I am very pleased with it so far, but am so jaded that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for some toxic team member to ruin it all for me. So far so good, and I am happy. I actually woke up excited to go to work yesterday!

So, my advice to you is to seek out the positives in life and to fill yourself up with positive energy and a hopeful outlook. Maybe volunteer? Giving back and helping others always makes me feel useful and better.

I felt beaten to a pulp myself, before I started work again. I was pretty depressed and feeling low. But my new job is changing my outlook for the better. I needed to be working again. I hadn't worked in 6-7 months and it was getting to me. Too much free and idle time on my hands that lent t to a depressed state of mind.

So, get active and pump some positive activities into your life.. volunteer work, meditation, support groups, walking/exercise, writing/journaling... those are just some suggestions. But I do get where you are at - I truly do and I can relate because I've been there many times in my life.

Hugs to you.

nonightowl your a good person, please dont let people like that make you feel otherwise

Same goes for you, Have Hope, your a good person as well

If anyone was at my side the last 20 years, they'd know I HAVE made an effort. "Been there, done that" as the saying goes. Dealing with legal **** over a year takes a toll on one's psyche.

Thank you so much, my dear.

A hug for a Have Hope

So, I had met a woman by chance because we were both sitting alone at separate tables next to each other at a restaurant. She began talking to me, we had a good conversation, and I thought she seemed cool. She gave me her number and I gave her mine, since we decided to start walking together in the early mornings. We live relatively nearby one another. Well, the first time we were supposed to walk, I had blisters on my heels and had to cancel. The second time we tried to schedule, she had to cancel. We had decided to walk on a Sunday at 1 PM. She asked if I could walk in the morning, and I couldn't because I had a house guest. We had decided on 1 PM, but she canceled the day of.

Then, for the third attempt, she became very pushy with me and I was taken aback.

I had told her that I couldn't walk until the following Friday morning, a week away. She didn't like that and asked why I couldn't walk sooner. I repeated to her again that Mondays and Fridays are the best mornings for me to walk because I work from home on those days. I also told her that on this particular Monday, I wasn't free. So we scheduled for Friday.

I sent her a Thurs. night to confirm and received no reply. I sent a second text at 6 am this morning again to confirm, and no reply.

Geez. I am so sick of flaky people!

I am also very turned off by her pushiness.

She didn't like my lack of availability or schedule, and now she's blowing me off.

Well, screw it then. There goes a potential newly budding friendship in my newly budding life.

Seemingly little things--such as not getting one's way on scheduling--can be very revealing of character. Her rudeness and pushiness don't bode well for any possible friendship. Good to know!

Agreed, and thank you!!

Best to know as early as possible if someone's going to be a good friend or not

Oh no this woman sounds just like this one woman I befriended years ago.

She convinced me to sign up for this expensive gym with her so we can go together but when I did, she became very agitated with me that I could not go the only time she said she could go: 6 or 7am on Saturdays. When we signed up, she never told me that’s the only time she could go

That was the only time her awful husband allowed her to go to gym as she had to be home by breakfast time to feed him and their kid breakfast.

And she refused to accept that I couldn’t leave the house that early because I had a kid at home and I was single mom and I worked all week two jobs (this woman didn’t work). She argued with me that I had to get a baby sitter. 6am on Saturday????

She argued every week about me not going 6am on Saturday until eventually I just cut the ties with her. Unbelievable.

What’s wrong with some people???

WOW @divine1966. Some people are way too demanding and unreasonable!

The woman did finally text me later in the morning to tell me she had fallen asleep the night before. At 6:30 PM? I wrote her a text at 6:30 PM on Thurs eve and another one at 6 AM on Friday morning, so she is trying to tel me she was in bed from 6:30 PM until 10 or 11 AM the next day when she finally wrote back to me? Yeah, right. I do not believe it.

Does she drink? Sadly that’s the experience I had with alcoholic. They were too drunk and then too hungover to go anywhere so they had to come up with a story

I have NO idea. It’s also highly unlikely she didn’t see my texts like she claims. I mean who falls asleep for the entire night at 6:30 pm? She’s unreliable. I think I’ll just tell her it’s not working out, if she even bothers to ask me to walk again.

I've been exhausted enough to sleep for 12 hours straight. I've also been too overwhelmed to manage even looking at my phone to see who texted or called or emailed me. I don't drink, smoke or self medicate so they aren't factors in my level of exhaustion. I'm offering you this perspective because you don't know this woman very well yet and are assuming her behavior is a reflection on how she percieves you. It seems like you re considering pushing her away from you. I understand that her behavior and circumstances surrounding both your efforts to get to know each other haven't aligned. You have an opportunity to try something new here... accept her limitations and keep trying to find time to walk together. Be willing to compromise and with some time, you may know her well enough and her to know you well enough to be willing to make an effort when things do align.
That's meaningful friendship from my perspective.

You've asked for suggestions in the past. I'm offering that suggestion because you also have said you struggle to make female friends. My opinion is you are reacting too quickly by discarding this person now. Try something different from your normal pattern.

My intention is to be supportive of your other efforts to change. I hope this doesn't come accrossed as demanding or telling you what to do.

I agree with roller coaster that giving her another chance might be a good idea. It’s difficult to schedule things with strangers as we have no idea what’s going on in their lives. Of course eventually you would have to give up if she acts this way repeatedly. But you don’t want to go from one extreme of attaching to wrong people to extremes of cutting it off quick. I’d try one more time. Make one more mutually agreeable plan and then if that falls through, end it

No it doesn’t come across the wrong way and thank you for being sensitive to that possibility. And thank you for offering this other perspective. Maybe I am bouncing too quickly. I’ve given people too many chances in the past and now I’m doing the opposite. I’m trying to protect myself much better than I have. I’m not reaching out to her. The ball is in her court since she canceled twice now.

Smart not reaching out since she us the one to blow it last time. So ball is in her court

I think letting her control making a plan again is ok. I also think that a simple thing to do is let her it's up to her. She may not know that is your expectation, but at the same time she may be expecting you to respond to her. It's reasonable to think that's her unspoken expectation... I think in her shoes you may expect a response or at least an acknowledgement, yes? Healthy friendships are a dynamic, not a game of who's in control or who's giving more, taking more. Everyone and everything has a balancing point.

I think a simple response back like "these things happen. I hope we can take a walk soon. Let me know when you're free." Is needed. It keeps things light, let's her know you expect her to get in touch with you and that you want to make time to be more than a casual passing acquaintance.

Hoping to give you helpful ideas and perspectives in support of doing things in a new way. Stretching my own comfort zone has been really valuable. I'm so far away now from old patterns and behaviors. I've outgrown them ... or maybe I've moved my comfort zone in a way that makes those old patterns less conformable now. Wishing you the best.