Building a Whole New Life

Thanks so much @Bill3!

I am learning to be grateful for all that I DO have, versus focusing on anything lacking. It helps me to feel much happier and at peace in my life, each and every day.

Ok, that being said, I just found out my ex husband has a girlfriend and it's throwing me off. Emotions are irrational. I know that tigers don't change their stripes and it's only a matter of time before he pulls the same power and control crap with her. But still, it's hitting me hard. He was supposed to suffer for the rest of his life without me, in my mind. That was the deal I made in my own mind. But he's moved on and it's gnawing at me right now. Possibly mainly because I don't have anyone myself.

I met a handsome guy last night. We talked for a while and have some things in common. He gave me his business card and told me to text him when I was leaving.

I drove home floating on cloud 9. I felt a new romance potentially in the air and got excited. I said I wouldn’t date so it would take a very special man to coax me into it.

He told me he is an extreme snowboarder. I like that. I think it’s cool. I’ve been athletic in my life too. Not much lately but I have an excuse. My hip is really bad. Anyways we talked about skiing and snowboarding, in Colorado specifically. We both have lived there, a commonality, but in different years. We did not overlap.

I want to feel this out but slowly. The last guy I gave my number to I ended up having to block. Ugh. I don’t need yet another sour experience. Hence my wariness.

I’m kind of happy about it though too - it gives me a little boost and confidence. To know I still got it at the age of 54! Yay. He could be younger, not sure. But handsome. He owns his own business. He’s an arborist. We shall see -

Ok I just found his Facebook profile. It says he likes to chase women. When I read that I hear womanizer.

Why do I attract the wrong types of men? The handsome man I spoke of just now? He did walk right up to me at the bar and told me I was pretty. He probably does that with every pretty woman he sees, trying to see if he can "catch" her since he loves to chase women.

I was so turned of by that comment on his Facebook page. I will not be texting him. Right off the bat, I wouldn't trust him.

WTF is wrong with me?

I think in order to date, I would have to go on a dating site like eHarmony.

But still, I don't feel quite ready to take that leap into full on dating world. I am not ready.

Well, I won't date - I am right back to that conclusion. I have thoughts of joining a singing group and an outdoor activities group and volunteering. I haven't taken any steps in that direction yet - I am thinking about it. I want to fill my life up with more to do. I have far too much down time alone. I need a more fulfilling life that just going to work and to concerts with friends. I love dancing, I love music, and I love seeing friends. But I want more in life. During the work week, I barely go out except maybe to run an errand. I am in bed before 8 PM and up at 4 AM. I need more of a life than that during the week. And on some weekends when there isn't any music, I've stayed in all weekend by myself. So, I am thinking of these different activities that may help round my life.

That guy was just another example of why I shouldn't date right now.

I did write him a text and confronted him about the chasing women part being on his facebook profile. He wrote a lame text back, saying he hasn't updated it in 15 years! Yeah, right!!! LOL. He never replied again. So I was correct - he's a womanizing jerk.

The above is good news! You stayed completely away because you paused and looked for you leaped. Good work!

You are looking for something to do. Would you consider online volunteer tutoring for underprivileged kids, grades K-12? Check out learntobe.org! 🙂

Thanks @Bill3! I do feel good about it.

No, I wouldn't be interested in tutoring. I would rather work outdoors with horses and kids or at an animal shelter. Those are 2 I am currently thinking of.

Those two sound really good. I hope one or both work out! 😃

Thanks @Bill3

I haven't taken any steps yet, but I hope to get something in place soon!

So, last night for some reason I remembered that I have a wedding website alive somewhere, so I dug out the link I had shared with family when we got married.

I found our site and poured over the pics of me and my ex husband displayed on our site. Two things struck me: one was that in every photo of us, he leaned his head into mine so that our heads are touching together, in every single photo. This struck me as quite odd - and probably is a part of his narc manipulation games, to make me feel like we're close when we're not at all. Then I saw one photo where his mask clearly is off and his eyes look like pure evil. I can see the evil in his eyes in that photo. There's another photo of him too where I can see that same evil glare in his eyes, but that's on his facebook profile.

I can't delete the website. - it will forever be in existence. I saved the link just because.

The whole thing is weird.

But I think I am starting to come out of my two-week funk that I've been in, ever since I learned he is dating someone. And I think that relationship ended because she removed all pics of them together from her facebook profile last week. Yep, I've been snooping!

But it helps me, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get me out of my funk.

I put my engagement ring up for sale - a major step forward! I may be asking way too much for it, given that it's used and therefore its value has greatly depreciated. I will see what I can get - I've already reduced it by $500 so far. It's for sale on Facebook marketplace - I am not sure if that's the best place to sell it. So far I've only gotten spam responses. Ugh. I am asking $3000. The insurance appraisal amount is $7500, so that's less than half. Retail cost was less than the appraisal. I may have to reduce it to just $1000. I don't know. But I am happy that I am getting rid of it. Slowly, over time, everything left of him in my home is either being thrown out, sold, or given away. LOL. Or broken.... Hahahaa. I found a gemstone necklace and I ripped it apart. I was angry in the moment about him moving into my neighborhood. I had a reaction, so I broke his necklace. Whatever. I don't care. There is nothing sentimental to hold onto. I have a few jewelry pieces from him, but I do wear these from time to time and I feel that's OK. I don't wear them often.

Good job telling me "no" rather than equivocating!!

Ahh, as I was reading your previous post, I wondered if you would do a search for him.

So, no matter if this doesn't lead anywhere. It's practice, experience and provides confidence building, right?

If the guy was there with his friends, they might be "competing" to see who can be the first one to take home a woman.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. If I were in that situation (having a pretty woman give me a complement) I'd be following her home like a drooling puppy. Then I'd find myself in a room full of .

I'm so glad I'm not a pretty woman like you!

Thanks @Bill3

@SquarePegGuy, it IS good practice! I am doing my due diligence far better than I ever have. I used to just fall into relationships with whatever man showed me interest. No more. I am screening them now. LOL. In this world today, screening is a must!!

I met a guy last weekend so we're texting. And I ran into an old friends with benefits guy and we decided to pick things up again. So I have some things cooking again in the world of romance. This makes me happy given that I know my ex is dating. I've had enough of abstinence at this stage - it's been since Feb. The last time I had a date was in June. The last time I kissed a man was in June, and the last time I slept with a man was Feb. I feel ready to venture out just a little bit. The guy I am texting with is a mathematician and has dreadlocks. He seems cool so far, but we shall see. I have my alerts up for any red flags.

A mathematician! I like him already Good luck!

Yeah, he's successful, I do believe. I want that in a man. He wants to write 2 books too, so he's ambitious. I like that too.