Building a Whole New Life

I've been saying that I'd like to write a book for about 40 years. LOL But maybe he actually will do it!

Well, he said he has outlines written - that's a start!

The pain in my hip has gotten worse. I know I need to go back to the doctor. I just haven't made the move yet. I am in a lot of pain when walking. It comes and goes, but when it comes, it's excruciating. UGH. And I am hiking on Sunday for a few hours. I hope I can hike!!!

Phil Lesh, the bassist for the Grateful Dead, died yesterday at the age of 84. I couldn't stop crying when I heard. I am sooo sad. That's the true end of the band and an era of amazing music. The only ones left are Bill, Bob Weir, and Mickey Hart, but Bill broke away from Dead and Company, so now it's just Bob Weir and Mickey Hart left. I am soooo sad and heartbroken. I've been a fan since 8th grade and saw them back in 1989. That was my first Grateful Dead show. I've seen about 25-30 Dead shows when Jerry Garcia was alive, and then after that., I saw all the different renditions of the Dead over the years... Further, Phil and Friends, The Dead, and Dead and Company. And now Phil, a legend is gone!!!

Waah....

I did a 4-mile hike yesterday, and miraculously, the pain in my leg didn't give me any trouble! I even climbed heights and steep hills, and it was fine! I am SO glad I went! It was with a group.

So, so far since I left my ex, I have kayaked, roller bladed, and now have gone hiking. Next is skiing and snow shoeing this winter! I am doing all that I wanted to do in my marriage but couldn't because of my ex's physical ailments. This makes me happy.

I am buying clothing that is much more to my liking too. I feel myself slowly but surely coming back to life post-divorce. It's a great feeling.

I have a date. I met a man two weeks ago at a show. We were outside smoking cigs, there were only a few people outside, he was standing there alone, so I walked over to say hello and introduce myself.

We ended up talking non-stop for a long while, then he followed me inside the venue and stood near me for the rest of the band's set. We basically hung around each other all night up until I decided to leave. I left on the early side, and he stayed since he knew the band. We exchanged numbers and have been texting. But he lives out of state, 1.5 hours away from where I live, so our date isn't until Nov 9, after he gets back from a trip with his kids.

He wanted to see me sooner, but I had plans that weekend, so it will be 3 weeks from the time we met to the day of our date. I got a little tired of just texting and told him it's a long time to wait for a date (via text last night). So he suggested he would call me. This was last night. We talked on the phone for over an hour. It's really easy to talk to him. This is the mathematician guy I think I've already mentioned. We had a really good phone conversation, and I felt like we were clicking well. So now it's 10 days until our date, which to me still feels far away. He is willing to drive 1.5 hours towards me. We agreed to have dinner then see music that I know is in the area on Nov 9.

I am reserved about this, but I also feel good about it at the same time. I know he could be any number of things: a psychopath, a narcissist, an abuser, toxic, a womanizer, an arrogant jerk, and so on. But so far so good.... he mainly seems interesting and dynamic to me. He's multi-faceted. He grows weed and has his own grow store, he books reggae bands on the side, and has a full time, well paying job and career in statistical analysis and assessing financial risk. He has 3 kids who are in their twenties - his youngest is graduating from college. Him having kids doesn't bother me. I don't have my own kids, but I do love kids very much. I enjoy their company, especially adult kids. I am kind of glad his are not young children - that's harder to deal with, coming in as a potential new girlfriend.

So, I will see how this all pans out. He's handsome too! He has pretty blue eyes, and dreadlocks. I like that. He's different than most men I've dated. I am kind of excited about it, but I am reserved....

I hope that all goes well! 🙂

Thanks @Bill3! We shall see!

Hi @Have Hope

Me and my family have always been interested in strength sports and combat sports, among myself, my kids, my dad, brothers, guys I hang out with, etc..

I am an educated-hobbyist strength trainer, and I've coached my son in strength sports. He's gifted.... I'm average, but I work hard

Hip pain..... Consider checking out some YouTube videos on Squat University on banded hip mobilizations. This guy is a young PhD Physiotherapist who works with Olympic level athletes and some of the top strength athletes in the world.

I've had some shoulder and low back glitches long term and his ideas really helped improve them.

https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...p+mobilization

I won't comment on the dreadlocked mathematician, except that if I was competing against him to date you, I would be intimidated..... Good luck.

RDM

Ok I had to LOL on that one about the guy. He is pretty impressive I gotta say. Ambitious and accomplished. I love that. Thanks about the injury. I will look that up. I did manage a 4 mile hike without any pain.

I miss the active life I had before my wife got sick.

I'm sorry.

I'm kind of shocked that I was able to hike with the pain as bas as it's been in my hip! I still cannot believe that I walked for four hours and it didn't bother me once. Maybe I just need to exercise more.

So, this math guy... we've been texting and communicating for 2 weeks. It's another full week before we have our date. If things don't go well on our date, then I will have texted with him for 3 weeks resulting in nothing. It's kind of odd to me to have this amount of time in between our first meeting and our first date. He had wanted to see me a lot sooner, but I had plans that night.

But so far so good and I like him. He listens, he does reply to what I write, and he does show compassion when it's warranted.

I wish our date was tonight, but he is traveling with his kids this weekend. Oh well.

On our date night next Sat, we will see a live band and will have dinner together before the show at a nice Italian restaurant I chose. He is driving 1.5 hours to come to me. I had offered to meet in between us, but he said he doesn't mind.

I cannot wait to see him again.

I didn't know what to do with myself yesterday (Sunday). I had the whole day to myself, which I ended up wasting by lying around and watching movies at home. This is when a volunteer activity would be good for me. I still haven't made a move to join one. But I am proud of myself for going hiking recently with a group. I had wanted to join an outdoor activity group, so I am counting this experience towards that goal.

But yesterday I was so bored. That was a problem.

So mathematician dude has a habit of suddenly dropping off in the midst of a texting session or conversation and not returning for many hours. Yes, he is a very busy guy, this is true, and I think I've texted him while he's frequently been in the middle of something he's doing, but still... the sudden drop off followed by silence for many hours has been bothering me.

So I finally said something to him about it yesterday, commenting that I've noticed he does this. I don't know or can't tell if his reply was defensiveness or not, but he tried to say he didn't feel he was doing that, then later said there was one time where he felt he did do this. He also tells me for the second time that he's bad at texting and is not like other people. So I told him I am very used to a lot of texting with my friends and family, and that I probably do text a lot.

Still, I don't like when someone disappears on me out of the blue or mid-conversation, which leaves me hanging for many hours just waiting for them to get back to me.

Or maybe I need to get busier myself and not expect so much out of someone this early on... I told him I want to volunteer, or hike more or start writing again. I've talked on here about building my hobbies more.

It's not his fault that I'm not as busy as he is. I realize that I need to fill my life up with more to do and more activities so that I don't feel this way, but also to make my life as complete and fulfilling as possible without a man.

In fact, last night I had to cut HIM off because after I said this to him, he started to text TOO MUCH with many lengthy texts and I wanted to go to bed and call it a day.

Oh, the joys of the dating world and of setting expectations. I just began to feel like he has all the control and it made me worry that that is what he is after... I am on alert for any red flags in behaviors. I am not repeating past mistakes - no way no how. I have learned my lessons in dating, I feel, and now it's time to apply those learnings.

Today is Tue. I have a four-day weekend coming up! And a concert out of town Friday night that I am attending by myself. I got myself a hotel room, so it's a mini break and mini vacation out of town. I decided to treat myself so that I can have a few drinks, truly relax, and not have to worry about driving an hour plus home late at night after the show. I will Uber to and from. I have learned my lesson in terms of drinking and driving. I am being smarter and more cautious.

So I will see how conversations over text pan out with him now that I have said something to him.

If someone has to leave a text conversation, I think they should just say that.

@Bill3, I agree. He's done that once before when we were having a text conversation.

I guess an issue here is that we have to resort to texting. Several phone conversations do not make much sense before a first date, and we are long distance from each other.

This is the longest I've had to wait to have a first date. And I just found out he voted for Trump. I voted for Harris. One of my best girlfriends said she wouldn't date him based on that.

An ex came after me on facebook yesterday regarding the election outcome. I was upset about it and posted about my upset, and he kept coming after me in the comments. I made a few posts,. and he commented on every one. And when I tried to shut him down because he was baiting me to get into a political debate and argument? He kept going, even after I told him end of discussion.

I felt bullied and targeted by him. I only dated him for one month last year and broke up with him because he had way too much negative drama around him regarding several female ex's. After we broke up, I found out that he's broken two women's arms and is severely abusive.

And now he's come after me online. This is after recently telling me that he enjoyed being with me and cares for me. I didn't take the bait then and now he came after me and essentially attacked me online.

I am only "friends" with him on facebook because we travel in the same music and social circles and I want to keep the peace and not cause waves or drama. Plus, he calls ALL his past ex's "crazy" and "unstable". I bet if I blocked him or unfriended him, that he will start rumors that I too am unstable and crazy.

I deleted yet another obnoxious baiting type of comment of his just this morning! He is STILL coming at me, even after I deleted all his comments and after trying to nip it.

I feel very targeted and it's triggering me.

I canceled the date with math dreadlocks dude. We got into a heated political discussion and "broke up" over political differences.. he's a Trump supporter and I am a feminist. The two cannot go together. I am very disappointed... I wasted 3 weeks talking to this guy.. I should have asked his politics on the first day.

I'm really sorry to hear. Still, it's good to learn about his views sooner rather than later.