I relax myself by escaping reality, but is that a solution to my problems?

Hi,
I’m an engineer from India. I’ve been happily married for 9 years and have an 8-year-old daughter and another child who is 6 months due. I have no problems from the familial side and both my wife and daughter love and support me in many ways. When it comes to my career, I guess I started too late because when I compare myself with my friends, I’m almost a decade behind. This is because of what I believe, a bad choice of work which I chose that got me stuck in a company for a very long time without any growth. I tried to quit many times, but I was too afraid to take the risk because, I had to provide for my family, and the job kept me on my toes all the time, I never had the opportunity to learn any useful skill that would help me get a better job in a better company. But almost after 9+ years, out of pure luck, I had the opportunity to come out of that work and landed a profession as a technical skills trainer which enabled me to learn as well as teach new skills and I’ve been in this profession for 1 and half years now. But as my previous salary was too low, even though I got a good percentage hike, my new salary is quite low compared to my colleagues who also do the same work as I do. I’m 35 now and I’m worried that I’ve fallen way behind in my career. This has always bothered me mentally in many ways. Here are some examples.
1. Sometimes when I want to eat out by myself or with my family, I always have to mind the additional expenses for that month. This goes for any of my outings with friends too. So the thought of always keeping an eye on the wallet even for little joyous moments in life frustrates me so badly.
2. My previous job had me working 6 days a week, and my only week off would be spent at home doing nothing. Of course, I spend it with my family and that is the only thing that kept me going for almost a decade without breaking down. But I also felt bad that I was not able to take them out anywhere because of the previous reasons.
3. So to make sure that I utilize this day to the fullest, I always try to fill the day with a lot of memories. I do this by taking my family to my parents or my wife’s parents’ home or even somewhere outside where I need not spend much.
4. This has always been something that I practice from time to time in my everyday life. Sometimes when I feel all my days are the same and I feel like I’m running around in a circle, there is something I used to do that helped me to a certain extent. I will choose a different rather longer route to my work over my regular shortest route. Because on my regular route, the thought of facing traffic in specific spots annoys me even before I reach those spots. So if I choose a different route, seeing something new gives me a certain fresh experience which makes me feel content.
5. Another trick I use to extend my time of leisure is by watching movies or the TV. This virtual world makes me escape the realities of the world for a certain amount of time. Although I prefer the travel method as it gives me actual new memories, making me feel that I’ve done or experienced something new that day.
Things have been working out well lately and I’m planning to immigrate to another country and make a fresh start with my family which I’m very hopeful about. I comfort myself by saying that someday I will be able to do everything that I desire like going on a cross-country motorcycle road trip or going on a camper van trip with my family, establish a successful business where I can decide my time, and also a passive income source which will help me with my dreams. But until now, I’ve only been dreaming of doing things that I love. It worries me that finally when the day comes, I won't be able to do it.
I humbly request the experts here to suggest a solution to me. I’m searching answers for to questions like,
1. Am I worrying too much about the past and the future and should just go with the flow in the present?
2. Although this escaping reality gives me a certain level of comfort, I feel this is never a permanent solution. Should I stop escaping and start facing things to make better of it?
3. Please suggest a way that will help me to live more, rather than just to work, work, and die.
Thank you all sincerely for your time.

Hi @toomuchinmind welcome to MSF. I am glad you are so persistent in caring for your family. That is a wonderful trait that exceeds by far having a greater salary.

Just to let you know there are no experts here to give you advice. We are a community of peers that support each other and try to speak from our own experience. No one knows you as well as you do, but that being said I will share a few observations.

There are studies done that show that once the basic needs of a person are fulfilled, more money does not equate to more happiness. It can in fact lead to more problems and stress.

Comparing ourselves to others is almost certain to cause us to have lower self esteem.

In my experience my dad worked 7 days a week but did take some time off for fun on weekends. He was a great provider of nice things and I am grateful for what he offered me for so long. I often wondered what my dad would have done if he did not work so much. I could have got by for less if it meant my dad and I could have played more.

If you have enough to sustain life, what do you gain by working more? I do not suggest you quit your job, but can you adjust your expectation of what success looks like. One descriiption of success is someone that spends time with their family. What other kinds of success could you have besides material? Could you support a homeless shelter by volunteering a few hours per week. Volunteering is a way that I have built up my self esteem.

Life is not defined by what others expect of us or how we expect to be like others. Life is how I live today.

Mindfulness is a way to begin to appreciate life in this moment without judgment. If interested try youtube and search for Jon Kabat Zinn and or Padraig O'Morain. They both talk about many things that may help you to answer the questions you posed.

I’m in awe of your work ethic and your commitment to your family life - I think it’s possible your daughter will reap the benefits of the special time spent with you, I doubt she’ll remember the money constraints.

I’m certainly not an expert and can’t add anything to CANDC’s excellent post but I do like the coping strategies you’ve developed. Taking another route for the mental break sounds a good idea - escaping into tv and movies is something many of us do, and why not, it takes us on thought journeys we otherwise might not make. Do you like to share movie time with your daughter and wife? If so, even better.

If you don’t mind sharing, where are you thinking of moving to? I wish you and your family every success and happiness there.

What you are describing does not seem problematic.