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Member
Member Since Sep 2023
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 48
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Oct 21, 2023 at 01:48 PM
#1
I'm not sure if this is the correct place for this, but I didn't see a heading for it. Does anybody else struggle with self-forgiveness? I'm so very angry at myself and it's eating me alive. I quit my job while in a very bad place mentally and now that I've come out of it, I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. I've read everything I can find about forgiving yourself and self-compassion, but none of it seems to work. It's honestly dragging me back into a dark place and undoing so much hard work, I don't know what to do. Anybody have any unconventional advice on this? Is it just something that I have to work through naturally? Anything would be appreciated.
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2023
Location: Netherlands
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Oct 21, 2023 at 01:58 PM
#2
I've had a long healing journey with self-forgiveness. I'm on the better side of it now but it's still a thing...guilt, self-hatred, not feeling worthy.
Tara Brach has helped me as has Buddhism generally & Christianity. Don't know if posting links works here but Tara Brach did this session on self-forgiveness last week Radical Self-Forgiving with Tara Brach - YouTube If the link doesn't work searching Tara Brach self-forgiveness on YT will. It's really been a long and winding path for me but it's worth it. You can do it. |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2023
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 48
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Oct 21, 2023 at 02:17 PM
#3
Thank you, I'll look at it.
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Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Oct 22, 2023 at 09:03 AM
#4
This can be a really tough thing. I struggled with self-forgiveness for a long time because I did lots of awful things when I was drinking that I really regret and I spent a long time dealing with shame and regret about the past. But I gradually learned that staying stuck going over the past was keeping me stuck and that I had to focus on the present and the future. I came to the realization that what I'd done in the past was the result of my being sick and that now that I'm sober I can act differently. And it's that acting differently that helps keep me going now.
Some of the books that helped me are John Bradshaw "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and Gerner "The Mindful Guide to Self Compassion" and Neff " The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook" I will say this wasn't a fast mind change for me, it took me a couple of years of really working on it to learn to forgive and like myself. But it is possible. __________________  "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
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Oct 25, 2023 at 11:46 PM
#5
I do not have this problem but since you asked for unconventional advice, I will suggest the paradoxical approach to you: engage in self-hatred as much as possible, do not fight it, be angry with yourself, be angry with yourself more than you usually do, really force it and be emphatic about it instead of fighting it and running away from it (which in your case has not worked).
Paradoxical approach might make this problem eventually self-resolve. __________________ Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Geodon 40 mg Seroquel 75 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg+Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long term side effects from medications, some of them discontinued: - hypothyroidism - obesity BMI ~ 38 |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
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Nov 03, 2023 at 12:16 PM
#6
I can relate... Sending hugs.
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Member
Member Since Sep 2023
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 48
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Nov 04, 2023 at 04:45 PM
#7
Oddly, the self-hate thing was something I had been doing, really just embracing it and it's helped me process a lot. I still absolutely hate what I've done and my mood changes daily, but little by little I see the differences. Most of my self-hate comes from the fact that my actions caused such unfixable damage, but I'm slowly accepting my new reality and looking for ways to improve it.
Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. __________________ Knickerbocker Mournings |
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