My Brother

Hey y'all. So I wasn't sure what to put this under...

Anyways, when I was in my senior year of high school, my little brother who's about 3 years younger than me would bully me a bit. He's my little brother...but he's much bigger than me. I'm 4'11'' and he's very tall and very strong for his age. It was my job to drive us both to school in the morning. Before the school year started, we agreed on a time we'd both be ready to go. However, every day, he would be late and when I'd try nocking on his door to tell him it was time to go, he would get into the shower so that I couldn't bother him anymore. Then, we would both be late. I was late to school so many times that the school told me if I was late again, I would be in danger of not graduating. I tried everything to get him to be on time. But I just refused to yell at him or get upset because I love my brother. So, one day, I decided to just leave without him. That day, my parents made him walk to school that day across streets that were very long to walk and were dangerous to walk on. I told my parents why I left him and they told me to keep leaving without him if he won't get ready in time because it wasn't fair of him to drag me down. My brother started to text me, cursing at me and trying to say hurtful things. He did this everyday and never missed an opportunity to say something that made me so sad or hurt me otherwise. I tried telling my parents how he was hurting me. But they didn't believe that it was happening since he was sneaky and behaved around them.

When I showed them all the texts, they believed me and made him apologize to me. I am incredibly forgiving to a fault. But for some reason, I couldn't forgive my own brother, my family. Am I a terrible person for it? I just can't shake the feeling of having been wronged, and it haunts me that nobody would believe me or stand up for me. I act as if all has been forgiven and I love my brother, but there's a part of me that just secretly despises what he did to me.

Hi birdy,

First, you are not a terrible person, you have every right to feel the way you do. It also sounds like you are a very sensitive person, which is wonderful, but you may need to work on ways to protect your heart. The world has a tendency to abuse sensitive people, so you might consider researching ways to protect yourself, cope, identify potential bad actors, etc. as a highly sensitive person. You have a light that can be a wonderful gift to the world, but sometimes that attracts some not so pleasant things.

My suggestion to you is that if you can catch him in a serious moment, maybe let him know that he hurt you. He might not be emotionally mature enough yet, but he might be truly apologetic if he knows you're really in pain. If not, it's important to remember that you can't control other people. you can only control how you react to what they do. Don't be hard on yourself, try to forgive those who didn't believe you and remember that you did nothing wrong. Maybe try journaling to work through your feelings. I hope some of this helped and I wish you the best.

Terrible person? probably not, from what you describe he's the one that provokes. Another question is does he still act this way towards you? and how old are you both? was this all recent or well in the past?

On the other hand forgiveness is a way of letting go (of the pain), and frees your heart and mind to be clearer in looking at these things, your family, and yourself.

As for feeling wronged and wishing some one would have had your back, understand that even in the family dynamic there are times when you have to stand up for yourself. If you're not a big guy and not into slapping him in his place, you need to at least get him to know how much damage he's done and not carry it around secretly. If your brother really loves you, he'll eventually understand, even if he doesn't take it well at first.

But carrying around resentment deep inside isn't healthy and I hope you find a way to let go, and have a healthy relationship with your fam.

Best wishes