How much more can a person take? (a rant but positivity or advice appreciated)

At the beginning of the month I got kicked out of my mom's. Then I found this place with some asshole we'll call him S, where I don't know how long ago because my memory is really bad but my face still hurts and I'm still bruised but I was asaulted (not by S). I'm dealing with hep C. My eating disorder is out of control and I do NOT know how to eat anymore. My case manager thinks my potassium is low again and on Monday she said I should just eat more bananas. I haven't eaten since then. I used to find a lot of comfort in music but now I'm so afraid of noises it's hard to find something that doesn't startle me. I'm a fking musician for Pete's sake this shouldn't be a thing. I can't even go for a walk because cars are scary af.

I'm trying so hard to find a more permanent place to live with my case manager, I'm waiting to hear bback from this one place that hopefully will accept me. I feel like I'm "unacceptable" though. I even got permanently kicked out of the voluntary IP unit here.

I can't sleep either. Last night I Took 2 Belsomra, an Ativan, and 2 melatonin and got 4 broken hours of sleep. This is with supposedly good sleep hygiene. But I'm too activated to sleep.

I don't remmeber anything either. I've been blacking out again, sometimes for a minute or two, sometimes all day. I'm about a month and a half clean, but I feel like I'm in worse shape now than when I was using.

I know a lot of my problems are from not eating and not sleeping and from PAWS, but other than waiting out paws I don't know how to fix the other two.

I’m really hoping that place you’re waiting on comes though.

I hope you get it.

Muddyboots, I have no words of wisdom or advice just want to offer hope and support.

I keep falling and the med that aused that should be out of m y system by now but I just fell twice today. I talk to T in a bit and I don't know what to tell her because everything is just such a shyt show I'm overwhelmed and I just think I'm going to shut down.

I still think the falling is from not getting enough proper nutrition. Even when you do eat you often purge so it doesn’t count. I don’t really think it was the medicine though it probably didn’t help.

You're probably right. I think the med just pushed me over the edge because I'm falling even more now even though it's been almost a week since I stopped it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I keep falling and the med that aused that should be out of m y system by now but I just fell twice today. I talk to T in a bit and I don't know what to tell her because everything is just such a shyt show I'm overwhelmed and I just think I'm going to shut down.

Why not tell T what you said here?

"everything is just such a shyt show I'm overwhelmed and I just think I'm going to shut down."

I don't rememher therapy. I think it was a phone appointment. I was really fked up.

I know I need to get my shyt together to get better but how do I get my shyt together when all I knkow is "feel like shyt? Everyone's taught you you're shyt so treat yourself like shyt too because you are shyt."

We all love our muddyboots

I hope things get better.

Humans are very resilient. Tomorrow is a new day. Plan positive things for the future. Decide what you like/don't like, and live by that.

How are you today, muddy?

I can only say that I hear you and hope things improve for you very soon

Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk