Hope?

Can I ever be fixed? How? I don’t know how to make use of therapy, psychiatry, or peer supports and I’ve never had a safe place to just be.

Hello Boots. I think you show resolve and determination in your post. I have no answers, but it says alot that you are asking and seeking. Despite not knowing how to make use of the tools, you know what they are and I commend you for still trying to make use of them. I will send you thoughts of peace. shaggy

I think your life could definitely improve, Muddy. I mean, why not. Just keep pluggin' away. Your life is in your hands. There's always hope.

That's okay, my psychiatrist has me convinced that therapists and psychiatrists don't know how it works either. She just keeps prescribing random meds with the core ones hoping they will work. You can be fixed, or helped to improve greatly. "In the darkest of the blackest night, there always remains a single tiny light, and it was called hope."- Edgar Allen Poe

This is just my experience so take what you want from it.

I struggled for a long time getting a little better and then falling backwards, and I was seeing a psychiatrist, doing therapy, and attending AA.

But what I wasn't doing was staying sober long terrm. I'd stay sober for a few months, then relapse and undue all the good I'd managed.
Then I had what turned out to be my last relapse. I got so sick and the withdrawal was so bad that I pretty much determined I couldn't life through another one and I made up my mind to do whatever it took to stay sober, today. And that's all I focused on - staying sober. And I did.

And my life started to improve. I started volunteering. Then I got a part time job. My mental health started really improving and I was able to get off some of my meds which increased my energy levels so I was able to do more positive things for myself. Then I was able to get into stable housing. Then I got a second part time job and more hours at my first job so that I'm now basically working full time hours.

My life isn't perfect, but that's ok. Most of the time I'm happy and like my life. I'm helping people in my jobs, I'm 5 1/2 years sober and I wouldn't go back to drinking for anything.

I know you struggle with substances and mental health too. So is there hope, yes. I believe that as long as you have a pulse there's hope. But for me, I had to get and stay sober first, before I could make the changes to significantly improve my life.

Thanks. Idk how to stay sober though. I can do it when I’m “me” and with it, but then I black out and come to it with track marks hours/days/weeks later not even knowing what drugs I did. I think this last time involved meth because of all the pick marks I have, but I remember withdrawing from opiates gave me the same itchy creepy crawlies so not 100% sure.

I’m supposed to speak with a mental health professional again later today to see if they can do something to get me into like a residential or something where I’m in a secure facility but it’s not as strict and rigorous as IP. It’ll be a safe place for a bit until I’m not dissociated half the time and frantically trying to distract myself in that state with fked up habits.

This is what I will tell you from my training, having helped so many to beat this ugly spectre of a disease. Point one, opiate withdrawal, will make one feel like crap, but unless you have serious

medical conditions, it is not typically medically dangerous. Alcohol withdrawal, is very violent and can be medically dangerous but it is a very short duration. Most people can withdraw from it

in a medical setting being given benzodiazepines to counter the withdrawal, it takes about five days. The two best of all the benzodiazepines for this are easily Librium, or Tranxene. Diazepam,

better knows and valium can be used, yet Librium and Tranxene are much better for several reasons. The ones that take off on drugs like Xanax or Klonopin should not be used simply because

of the effects they give are not suited for alcohol withdrawal. Benzodiazepine withdrawal, if probably the most medically dangerous but given the amount that is prescribed, there is a relatively

low incidence of physical addiction that takes place. If it does, the best method here is called slowly titrating the patient down from it. This simply means slowly lowering the dosage over time

and should be performed in a skilled medical facility. Stimulants such as cocaine or crack cocaine, will not kill you either but there is significant psychological baggage that comes with that.

This is caused by brain chemistry imbalances using that type of drug will cause over time. For said reason, this should be done in a skilled medical facility as well as patients need the

specialized psychological and psychiatric support. Most Barbiturates will require titrating down as well, but not nearly so dangerous as benzodiazepine withdrawal. Following is the

recommended sequence of steps, to give one the best chance of recovering from one of these addictions.

1.) Medically detoxing at a skilled medical facility. (Practicing good nutrition and

getting a thiamine shot must be stressed. Alcohol depletes thiamine and it is a non water soluble vitamin

complex. This means that just taking an oral supplement will not replace it fast enough, it will make a patient in itself feel much better.)

2.) Has two options are both are good; A.)An outpatient program run by skilled medical professionals. or B.)Living for a recommended period of time in a halfway house environment focused on

recovery
.
3.)This is for some people, others not so much but it is recommended. Regularly attend either Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), or Narcotic Anonymous Meetings (NA). One meeting at least a day for

the first six months. Get yourself a sponsor and build a support network of people to call if you feel you are about to relapse. These are the people you need as friends, not those that will drag

you down.

4.) Seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist regularly for the first year. Most people with addiction problems have a root cause for them, that needs to be ferreted out.

5.) Change of lifestyle and any people you hang around with still drinking or drugging, need to go. This seems to be the one that trips people up the worst, you cannot allow them to keep

dragging you down.

Following those recommended steps, will yield your highest percentages of or getting sober and clean and staying that way. I volunteered doing this for some time so I do know what I am

talking about. Your world can become a totally different place, and it is achievable. As in most things in life that are worth a damn it requires work, dedication and do not be afraid to ask for

help.

*I* don’t need help with sobriety. I need help with being gone from my body most of the time. I need to know that my efforts to find housing, financial wellness, and stability with my mental and physical health.

When you say, "Gone from your body'," it sounds like you are in a dissociative state, the amnesiatic type, I suffer from this. It rarely happens to me now as it did when I was younger. With that level of dissociation there is no way, I think any reasonable person could see you being able to hold gainful employment. We pay a great deal of taxes for a safety net to assist people like that in this country. I would try to get my mental health professionals talking with the Department of Health and Human Services. By Federal law there is a fast tracking program to gain access to emergency disability funds, which are dispersed rather rapidly. I used to often talk to the ladies at the place I used to volunteer at who did this. There are never any guarantees with this, the fast tracking programs are available but then you begin to deal with Social Security and Medicare. It may well could have changed since I did this, but they can get you a rapid meeting before an administrative law judge, who makes that determination. That process can be fraught with problems, so the more mental health professionals you have on your side the generally better it is. I am terribly sorry you are having such problems, but please contact your local Department of Health and Human Services. If you need help gathering documents or filling out the paperwork, they will assign someone to do that and help you. I hope it goes well for you, and not not be self conscious about trying to get such help. I gladly pay my 'more than fair share' potion of taxes for this. I hope the best for you, and good luck. In time and with treatment this can get better for you.

Thanks 16pennynail. I’m already on SSDI, and on the section 8 waitlist but that’s 8 years out so long (already waited 2). They forced me to have a rep payee though and because I’m stupid I choose my mother and I don’t see a cent of that money. I found another shelter (with no open bed guarantee unlike the one I got kicked out of). Even if I got it, max they give us about $900/mo which I have found no such place that will cover apartment costs (even at a shytty studio in the cheapest, stabby, fireworks going off at night, and drunkard ridden parts of the state) even if I split it with another person AND want to eat.

I wish I had my instruments. I’m pretty good at finding projects that need some one for some lesser found instruments I’m good enough at. I’ve thought about learning sound engineering from some folks I’ve met that record their own stuff and do performances anywhere from Boston to Concord, NH. My old city has a public piano you could play on and I earned some tips doing that, but I have found no such thing here, but if I could get my hands on a guitar I could go back to doing that.

But that’s if I can get myself in a place I can stay awake for more than 2 hours straight.