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shard
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Confused May 16, 2024 at 09:00 AM
  #1
im irritable
i can barely talk to people
i have little to no common sense
im autistic
im like 5' 1''
i have no talents other than drawing and being a fool
im genderfluid
i feel zero empathy for the grieving (though I am sympathetic, like anyone cares about that)
eating at all feels guilty
the only times im happy are when im not focused, and ironically, i need to be more focused
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MuddyBoots
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Default May 16, 2024 at 01:30 PM
  #2
This is your first post, and you just listed a bunch of neutral or negative traits, so I/we don't have anything to work with.

Think hard. Is there anything you like about yourself? What have others ever complimented you on? You can come up with something as a thought even if you don't feel it.

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shard
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Default May 23, 2024 at 01:04 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
This is your first post, and you just listed a bunch of neutral or negative traits, so I/we don't have anything to work with.

Think hard. Is there anything you like about yourself? What have others ever complimented you on? You can come up with something as a thought even if you don't feel it.
Ah, forgot to say this was rhetorical. Sorry about that!
Also, people say i'm good at drawing and observing, but I highly doubt that. I notice things because of autism, and that comes with both blessings and curses and is therefore irrelevant.
My parents say I'm polite, but again, i don't agree. Honestly, nobody else notes it, then again, it's rare for me to get genuine compliments altogether (mostly they either are or sound like jokes).
When I ask my parents to let good things about me, most of what they list is either part of something that's both a blessing and a curse, or not something that I agree with based on experience.
This is my problem: Every time I make a small mistake, as small as not knowing something, I automatically feel stupid in every way for having made the mistake in question. I know people make mistakes, but people don't expect of them! People expect good out of me, and if I disappoint, I am best thrown in the trash and replaced!

I hope this helps.
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MuddyBoots
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Default May 23, 2024 at 05:40 PM
  #4
Ahh, I see. Still a good topic. Seems like you tend to minimize the good and focus on the flaws. I do this too. Mistakes are made, yeah, but they're learning experiences, not failures. Hell, even if you don't learn from them they're still experiences If people say you draw well, there has to be some validity to that especially if it was multiple people. I suck at drawing and never had anyone say that to me.

Also, fk expectations. If you try to make yourself seem like something you're not, you will always either not live up to that ideal or eventually slip up. I learned that doing that in my relationships, haha, just haven't learned to apply that yet. You are what you are, they get what they get. If you're not what they want, there's always someone else that appreciates you enough to want you around. This is just my personal belief, but I don't think there is anybody that doesn't have a place in the world. It just may be hard to find it.

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Default May 25, 2024 at 06:43 PM
  #5
Muddy, you are one insightful individ. Shard, Mud's words are honest insight. Going through your list I find I mirror some of where you're coming from though we're likely pretty different. One example would be negative self-perception. It's one that comes standard with a whole host of illnesses. The resulting depression is the string that knots most of us here together.

There's no judging here Shard. Most know what it's like to feel hurt and in that knowledge tend to be very respectful to others. The excellent moderators and management here are diligent in ensuring that. I think knowing there's a community peopled by those with similar experience can be hugely supportive. I'm not the most gregarious type but this site serves as an great place to decompress. It's not as hard to open up here. Most of all it represents a place where I can feel safe in just being me.
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