[Erecura]

I just know that there’s something wrong with me, something different but I simply can’t figure out what. I took a test online about autism and got a 93 % chance of being atypical. I am currently in the process of therapy and my therapist has already suggested I have an ADHD, should I also try and come up the topic of autism too? I really just need an advice here, because a lot of what Asperger’s syndrome describes sounds very much like me but other things are completely off.

Reasons why I think this might be an issue:

I have always found it extremely difficult to find friends and to fit in. I was bullied my whole childhood and teenage years for being different. All my peers kept on telling me that I am extremely weird even though I could never comprehend what exactly is weird about me.

Now as an adult it got much better. I found my group of open minded and equally weird people and I feel accepted among them but still find it very difficult to find new friends. I try and actually long for meaningful relationships with people but I almost always can feel the weirdness of my social situations. I don’t know what it is that I do or say but I almost always have a feeling that people leave a conversation with me feeling confused or weirded out. I can tell that by the look on their faces but I have no idea what is that I do that makes it like that.

Many people have told me that I am extremely theatrical, loud and use extremely wild and weird gestures in conversations, so I work extremely hard to cover it up. I pay an incredible amount of attention to the tone and the volume of my voice to make sure people don’t feel weird about it but it’s still difficult for me to control it when I get really excited about the topic of the conversation and that’s when I see the weird looks of people but the damage has usually already been done.

I can get excited about people who seem interesting like that too. Like when I see someone with extremely interesting life story, hobbies or work I immediately feel extremely strong connection with them and want to become their best friend right away and feel like telling them all my life secrets and pains and then when it’s not reciprocated, I feel extremely hurt and confused.

Most people however don’t interest me at all and I really hate team activities and sports. I am the clumsiest person I know and I always been mocked for my weird movements and very poor body coordination.

But the main reason is think I have asperger is that I have extremely obsessive and repetitive hobbies that I keep on coming back to for years. My greatest obsession is psychology, mainly typology because it lets me put people into these little boxes. I also love psychiatry, basically anything that helps me put people in categories. I also obsess over to shows, books, and my biggest obsession is fictional characters.

Reasons why it doesn’t really fit:

My strongest talent is language. English is my third language and I fluently speak 2 more. I have never had an issue with understanding meanings and metaphors and I studied literature in my 3rd language.

I am a professional fiction writer.

I am have more than vivid imagination. I would say I have an extreme case of hyperactive imagination and often live in my own fantasies rather than the real world.

I have zero sense of detail.

[lizardlady]

Erecura, go ahead and discuss this with your therapist. Everything you listed as possible signs of autism are possible signs of other disorders. I'm not saying you are or are not on the spectrum. Am saying if things are bothering you talk to your therapist about it.

[MuddyBoots]

I know you like categories, but what do you do with those categories? I mean, autism is a category kinda, and does putting a label on it change what you're going to do with it? Regardless, just bring these up as issues with your therapy and just work on them in whatever way she suggests

[Rose76]

I don't believe modern psychiatry has yet discovered all there is to know about the human mind and personality. Now and then, they abolish a particular diagnosis. Occasionally, they come up with a new one. I expect that process will continue.

A child doesn't have to be on the autistic spectrum to have traits and tendencies that make him seem rather unusual . . . maybe even odd. (I was that kind of a kid, myself.) When you think of how much a child has to learn to be fully competent at socially interaction, it's amazing that so many kids turn out as capable as they do. It's possible, I think, for a kid to miss out on some social learning.

Maybe your family were reclusive types who didn't mingle a lot. Parents don't always role model the best social behavior. There can be a lot of ways whereby a child just doesn't learn how to "blend in." The drive to blend in is strong in humans, and most humans dislike seeing someone not blend in. I think nature programmed our species to produce a non-blender once in a while, so the status quo gets shaken up and change becomes possible. The non-blenders are different. They can make great discoveries that benefit everyone. They walk a hard road though.

[Fuzzybear]