[Vaiana]

Recently I feel sad and stressed, I remember memories (even if some are maybe psychosis biased) and I feel like I'm hated/disliked by most of people
It's like people see me with disdain, are amused by my misery(my mental health issues and that I dropped out of college), that people are judging me
It makes me want to withdraw socially, stop going to some places
I want to lock myself at home and not go outside anymore

[CANDC]

Oh no @Vaiana that must be a heavy load to bear thinking you are disliked. I have felt that way at times in my life. But then I found it could not be true.

The reason it could not be true is because most people do not even see me. I blend into the background. What is in the foreground for them is who likes them and "how can I get happier." There are people who have worries that they might not be the way everyone else is and so they have stigmas about mental health in their own mind. They see someone suffering and it reminds them that they are suffering too. They try to cover that up with a smile and get back to putting on a good show to impress everyone.

What I like about MSF is I can be myself without worrying or having to act happy. I can be the way I am.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please tag me by including @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

[Vaiana]

Yes, it feels heavy to feel like I'm hated @CANDC
I not only feel like I'm hated I feel also judged for my past actions, like if every wrong thing I did define me
I remember memories that could be just people breathing but that feel personal like if their eyes are on me and It makes me feel bad
I have those memories running in my head without end
And I don't know what to do for It to stop

[CANDC]

I do not know either. I find when I stop judging myself-i see others less judgementally

[Tart Cherry Jam]

You said that some of the memories might be psychosis biased. So right now, you are not psychotic, right? Your care might well benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy which would question and correct what is called cognitive distortions, and especially your beliefs that are not true. For a relatively stable person who is not presently psychotic, CBT can be a real help.

At the same time, you describe something akin to rumination (memories running in your head non-stop), and for that, both therapy and antipsychotic medication might be really helpful. Do you have access to those?

[Vaiana]

I'm not psychotic most of the time nowadays @Tart Cherry Jam

I have antipsychotic medication that I take every day, I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist to talk too

Thank you for the idea of CBT, I'll talk about that to my psychs

[Tart Cherry Jam]

Let me offer something I always offer to people in your situation, with th preamble that I hope you won't get offended and give the notion a serious consideration.

There is a certain degree of inflated self-importance that very often accompanies social anxiety and the thoughts you are describing. This might seem paradoxical - you are isolating, you cannot face other people, so you are in a weak position, and yet I say that you are full of self-importance?? But bear with me.

Most other people, as has also been said above, are preoccupied with their affairs, too preoccupied to care one way or another about you. You attribute to them negative thoughts about you, but still, thoughts about you. That is where inflated self-importance comes in handy as a concept - you create a world in your mind in which other people are focused on you, except in a very bad way. You are the center of their attention, but in a negatively tinged fashion. And I suggest that you consider that you are not the center of their attention in any way, including negative.

[Vaiana]

Don't worry, It doesn't offend me
I get what you mean @Tart Cherry Jam
But it's difficult
Trying to say to myself "They don't care about you" sounds like a lie
Maybe if I try repeating that in my head I'll believe that one day
Thank you for your answer