When things are down..it just seems that more follows

I finally decided to file the insurance claim for my flute that was stolen in Albuquerque just after Thanksgiving....in doing so, I needed the police report #, so while I was at it, I called them to see if they had done anything.

After talking to them....I felt like I had been beaten up & kicked in the stomach to make me feel better. The sargent said that I should have been glad they did what they did (all they did was get the search warrent to check out the address I gave them where everything that was purchased & paid for with my stolen ID went to & they finally got a supena to look into the 2 phone bills...they said showed up nothing.....the person who stole my ID, they attempted to talk to him.....they did their BEST....the detective went there on his grave yard shift ONCE & then went there ONCE during the day to try & talk to him.....didn't bother to find his address....do ya think that he might have actually been the one that broke into my truck....yea!!!!!)......the Sargent said that my case became "high profile when I talked to the newspaper reporter & she called the captain & made them work on the case or they would have just dropped a stupid white collar case like that". The only way they could do anything was if the guy actually admitted that he stole the information from my credit card.

I was so angry after talking to him......thought I was going to really loose it.......I just really felt like beating up someone after that......so for my doggies protection.....I went to bed & tried to sleep off the anger...anxiety.......I have migraines that I'm on a heavy dose of narcotics for in the first place....but it was strange...laying on the bed, there were strange flashes of light going on all around the room....it was starting to make me really sick to my stomach......

It's scarry how mental stress can really mess with the physical.......I basically stayed in bed for 2 days....up just enough to take care of my doggies & felt so sick......I couldn't function until late Tuesday evening just before going to the bible class I go to......I was actually feeling a bit better......

Until.....I got a call today from the insurance claims person....my flute was insured....yea right.....I had it appraised way back in 1985 & the value has doubled since then......so how much do I get for my flute.....not enough to buy an equivalent one......I feel like I just can't even get up on my feet before I get kicked again........

I called a private investigator who told me there was much more background work that could be done to prove they were the ones that were involved in the theft of my flute & the ID information. The gotcha is that it takes a $2500 retainer.....just to start & that doesn't guarantee getting them found guilty or my flute back....because the police messed up the case so bad already.........the only good part would be possible closure for a change on a situation like this.....(I got absolutely no closure on the trauma I went through with my Mother's situation when she was dying of cancer & the abuse she went through).....I feel like I have a sign on me that says.....here I am....take advantage of me....you can get away with it because the police won't do anything & you can get away with anything you want in the world today....so go ahead & kick me some more......no one will do anything about it anyway........

I actually had a thought tonight that I might go ahead & call the lady that all the credit card theft was used for & tell her that she can get my flute back for a reward....no questions asked....or I will be getting a private investigator to take over where the police have failed & the background checks will be done & I will make them sorry they messed with me....or they can nicely get my flute back to me....no questions asked.....at this point I feel I have nothing to loose. If I pay the PI $2500 & don't get the flute back....then I still have to spend another $2500+ with the insurance money to get another flute equal to the one I had......but I'm not in a good mental state to be looking for another flute right now.

I am still struggling to get all the paperwork together for the IRS & all the collection agency information together for the refi.....both of which my husband had supposedly been working on but failed miserably in accomplishing anything. I have also taken over all the finances of the California house & forced him to put all the money into my account & I will give him what he needs to cover the expenses that come up.......

So.......today when I called the credit union to find out how to deposit the check for my flute so that my husband has no way of getting hold of it (the insurance is in both names, so legally they had to put his name on the check....even though the flute was mine before I got married).....I found out that he had overdrawn the account.....not by much....but he knew just how much I had put into the account & went ahead & spent more than he had....causing an overdraft charge.

I realized that what I really need to do is get my 1/2 out of the marriage with the refi & get the divorce & get out immediately.......I just can't continue living with all this crap going on around me......

I feel so beat up right now.......it's hard to even function......I am trying to force myself to keep involved.....with the womens group at church, the bible study, the group of new horse people I have met, & a new group (groung floor planning) that is being formed to plan the horse riding trailes throughout the county I'm living in. I am enjoying several new friends I have met here.....we go out to lunch...movie.....just visit & talk......this is the first time I have really had good friends forever......(since my best friend in junior high, highschool, college, until she got married & her husband chose her friends after that).

I so love my new life here.....I just really wish the things around me would quite beating me up.....it's taking so much to recover from these wounds.....my energy is so low & the anxiety has left me with quite a weight loss again.....It's hard to eat when I'm feeling so sick....then I loose even more energy.....it is tough to take care of ones self when you are alone & feeling so sick.....it was actually a scarry feeling the other day when I couldn't get out of bed without feeling like I was going to pass out & get sick.......pushing yourself when you feel that way....is really hard....& there are times when I just can't do it & give in to sleep in hopes that the feelings will go away by the time I wake up.....just keep sleeping until they do go away....& that can't be done with 7 doggies dependent on me....it's just a good thing I forced my husband to come & take 5 of the doggies back to CA....or I would be loosing me even more than I am right now.

I did enjoy the snow we had last weekend & had a wonderful time on Sunday playing for a few hours with my doggies......then I had the scare of my life....I had put 2 of my doggies on long 20' leashes in the front of the house (tied to the porch railing)....I was trying to feel better & trying to do a few things.....when I went out....my daddy dog had wrapped himself around one of the bushes that was frozen back to almost nothing & he was chocking himself........I couldn't get it loosened up for the life of me....wrapped around the bush 10+times......I started to panic....& ran to the garage to get the bush clippers & cut back the bush until I could get him loose & it still took several minutes even then.......he was conscious the whole time......at least I was lucky with that.....it just scared me so bad & I was so mad at myself because I know that choker collars can do that & I'm always so careful about using them....just because of what happened.....I know better than to do that & leave then un checked on for so long.......If I had lost him.....I never would have been able to forgive myself......so at least that kick wasn't as bad as it could have been...just a serious reminder to watch my babies more carefully & not put them into danger that way again.

When it rains, it pours......when is snows....it ice storms......& oh yes....I looked in my basement today after all the snow & sure enough.....water leaked into my basement.....another learning experience....I need to make sure I clear off the snow from my deck so it doesn't lay there I soak in behind the brick walls......what a mess.

There's a lot to deal with on my own....but it's better than being around that pathetic husband that I've been around for 32 years......but life does need to get even better cause I'm exhausted already.
Debbie

I am sorry it is so hard. I hope you can accomplish what you need to so you can lose the bum and have a life.