<font color="purple">It's another memory that popped itself into my head, as I was looking back at my early years. No triggers, because it's nothing really abusive, but it kinda makes me hate myself just a little bit more.

I was about 7 years old or so at the time, I don't remember exactly when. There was this one kid, he had some issues I suppose. He built this tower out of those cardboard bricks thing, and told nobody to knock it down. So, a little scheme popped into my head, I walked directly into his tower and knocked it over, I pretended that it was an accident, faking that I was all upset and everything. Out of rage, he stamped on my feet. It didn't hurt that much, but I still cried anyways so that the babysitter would come. He could see right through me, I could tell, he tried yelling at her that I did it on purpose, but she thought it was an accident too, and punished him for stamping on my feet. Everybody asked me if I was okay afterwards, I said yeah, and then of course, pretending to start feeling better when secretly inside I felt really good for playing such a trick on someone else.

Looking back on this now, I really feel a bit guilty that I would bully someone like that, considering 90% of the time I was on the other end. All must have been forgiven, because eventualy we did become friends and he would play with me wheneveryone else was busy playing with someone else. </font>

[Timgt5]

The first step is to face yourself and your shortcomings, your post took courage and strength. Hugs to you for finding both, realize my friend you can never change what you have done in the past, but learn to forgive yourself, and move on, I find it useful that whenever I remember something I might have done that was unkind, I find a way to do something kind for someone else.

I hope this was helpful and encouraging

TJ

<font color="purple">Yeah, I am pretty well aware of my shortcomings- it's my stregnths that need some tweaking. I made a much more detailed record as myself being a bully in my PC blog if anyone wants to read/comment on it. </font>

[wisewoman]

I think you can forgive yourself for being a very young child who wanted to explore power as power had been used against you. Please let it go, we are not perfect and we make mistakes. Old and young alike.