[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Just a brief reminder to everyone here...

If someone is sending you abusive messages, you do not have to tolerate that action.

You have the option of alerting the host and moderator to their actions; you have the option of placing the sender on ignore (They will not be able to send you private messages and you will not see their posts in the discussion); you have the option of leaving the site, and if their behavior violates federal or state law, you have the option of formally pressing charges. Online harassment has no place in a community that is supposed to be a place of healing.

The following links may provide additional information for those who are so inclined.
[*] How to Respond to Online Harassment
[*] What is Online Harassment
[*] Cyberstalking & Cyberharassment

[gardenergirl]

Thank you for the resources. Good advice!

gg

[nowheretorun]

good information SE .. thank you

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
You're both welcome. Meantime, this excerpt is a good intro as well...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

What can you do to avoid becoming a victim of cyberstalking/harassment?

Typically, the cyberharassment victim is new online, and inexperienced with the rules of netiquette (online etiquette). So learning the rules of the cyber-road is a good way to avoid being an easy mark for a cyberstalker/harasser.

Typically, the cyberharasser feels empowered by the perceived anonymity online. They feel they can hide behind their monitor. But most people leave a trail of cyber-breadcrumbs behind them online. Learning how to read an e-mail header is a good place to start stripping your stalker/harasser of their perceived anonymity.

Ignoring the communications sent to you is the best first step to stopping most cyberstalking/harassment. Unless your situation involves a truly obsessed or depraved harasser, most will lose interest quickly if they don't get the reaction they seek. Our cyber-self-defense tips can help you avoid cyberstalking/harassment entirely and stop it before it gets out-of-hand.

Flaming wars (where insults and verbal attacks are traded online) can often lead to cyberstalking and harassment. Flaming can get out of control quickly and often escalates into serious threats, offline and online.

Cyberstalking, where the real dangers arise, can have a substantial offline aspect, either by way of the victim and stalker working together, romantically involved or prior or current communications of some kind. Some are intent on targeting victims of sexual abuse, cancer patients and members of certain minority groups. Protecting your privacy is key to protecting yourself form credible offline threats.

<hr width=65% size=2>

WiredSafety's Wired-Ed classes teach smart and safe surfing, without charge, to volunteers and site visitors alike. The classes are easy and are available online in our safe chat rooms, by our trained Wired-Ed instructors and volunteers.

You can learn more about protecting your privacy and anonymity online at WiredSafety’s privacy pages or by taking one of their “protecting your privacy online” Wired-Ed classes.

Source: <a href=http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/csh8.html"target=_blank">Wiredsafety.org</a>


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[Christina86]

These are good resources, thank you! Always important to keep in mind as well.

[BalishBun]

Very good advice, thank you for putting it out there. I think sometimes we can forget.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
BalishBun: I think sometimes we can forget.

As far too many people here are aware, what makes abuse so powerful is that it occurs "in secret". This secrecy and privacy protects the abuser but it does absolutely nothing to protect those he/she abuses.

As with any other abusive situation it's very important for people to know that they have options. Even then however, it often takes tremendous courage for them to take those initial actions to speak out and protect themselves. Sometimes, they find they cannot do so and will retreat instead -- this is always an indication that they don't feel it's safe to speak. Hopefully, they will eventually find that safe space where they can do so.

[pegasus]

A helpful reminder but I would like to put the point across that DocJohn has done his best to make this a very safe place. Problems are usually dealt with quickly. If anyone has problems they need to be talking to Admin about it.

This is one of the best and safest forums there is!

Thanks.

[mandazzle]

One time when my sister was like 10 she met some guy on the internet and gave him our house phone number and so he called. She didn't know that I knew she gave it to him so I went upstairs and listened to their conversation. It was just small talk, but I told my mom on her lol.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
pegasus: If anyone has problems they need to be talking to Admin about it.

Yes. And also educating themselves on what they can do to keep themselves safe. Ideally, the problem can be resolved through those simple steps. If it can't, leaving is probably the next best option. In extreme cases, formal charges can be pursued. Within this environment, abuse is simply not an ethical path to take, but it should not be overlooked that it is also considered a criminal act in many jurisdictions.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
mandazzle: It was just small talk, but I told my mom on her ...

It was probably the best thing you could have done.

There are some variations in online safety for adults and online safety for children. Children require the protection of adults; adults might require the protection of hosts and moderators (who are serving in a protective role) but the best thing you can do is to educate yourself so you can protect yourself and also, to moderate your own behavior toward others. Some people think it's okay to lash out at others and spill a bunch of hateful vitriol into their mailbox. It's not okay. It's not anonymous. It's not benign. It hurts and it harms.

SE
I have read this over and over . Trying to decide weather or not to post. I am very glad you put the links up here.
For the last 3 to 4 years I have had a stalker. I have posted it before here and there.
This went beyond ones worst nightmare. It started online. As I stuck up for something i belived in. That s as far as I am going with that.
It then went into real life. To the point of it still shows up every now and then.........pretty vag i know sorry Has to be........

My point being is my kids had to be protected, Thier myspaces locked.
Phone #s changed. Everything changed at that moment.

It still goes on to this day. thats all i can say.........................

The only advise is I can give , Do not give out phone #s know who you are talking to . Protect the kids

Never give out where you live, Unless you are sure of the person.
everything is in your links.

I just felt the need to post so ppl would know it can happen.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Thank you for sharing that muffy. It takes a lot of courage to say as much.

There are degrees of abusive behavior that can take place in the online or offline environment. It's important to know how to take care of yourself and those you love.

{{{{{{muffy}}}}}}

[tr56]

good tips

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
spiritual_emergency said:
<blockquote>
Thank you for sharing that muffy. It takes a lot of courage to say as much.

There are degrees of abusive behavior that can take place in the online or offline environment. It's important to know how to take care of yourself and those you love.

{{{{{{muffy}}}}}}

ty (((SE)))))



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[Bethsway]

Good advice Muffy...sorry you have had such bad behavior toward you and your family...Never give our personal information to someone you don't know...Thanks Muffy for sharing your experience...

[nowheretorun]

bump

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
muffy said:
SE
I have read this over and over . Trying to decide weather or not to post. I am very glad you put the links up here.
For the last 3 to 4 years I have had a stalker. I have posted it before here and there.
This went beyond ones worst nightmare. It started online. As I stuck up for something i belived in. That s as far as I am going with that.
It then went into real life. To the point of it still shows up every now and then.........pretty vag i know sorry Has to be........

My point being is my kids had to be protected, Thier myspaces locked.
Phone #s changed. Everything changed at that moment.

It still goes on to this day. thats all i can say.........................

The only advise is I can give , Do not give out phone #s know who you are talking to . Protect the kids

Never give out where you live, Unless you are sure of the person.
everything is in your links.

I just felt the need to post so ppl would know it can happen.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Once again protect yourselfs ty ((nowheretorun))))

this scares me a little lol

[sabby]

(((((((((( Court ))))))))))) it should scare you A LOT!

We cannot say enough to folks how utterly important it is to be careful....to not give out private information.....to NEVER give out phone numbers and addresses or names to people online.

Everyone's safety is so important.....in this world we live in now we cannot trust those we do not know. Please....be safe ALWAYS!


sabby

[bebop]

you never know who is on the other side of the computer.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_sabby_ said:
(((((((((( Court ))))))))))) it should scare you A LOT!

We cannot say enough to folks how utterly important it is to be careful....to not give out private information.....to NEVER give out phone numbers and addresses or names to people online.

Everyone's safety is so important.....in this world we live in now we cannot trust those we do not know. Please....be safe ALWAYS!


sabby

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I can not agree with you more.....................................
muffy

I've only come back to this site after about 8 mos. away. There was a person who wrote negative & sarcastic posts after every thing I wrote & I'm a middle-aged housewife--not too much of a threat or "problem" person, I wouldn't think.

Did notify the mods. This guy apparently was insulting other people here & I guess was "spoken to." I don't know. I just left for a long period. --Suzy

well i gave my number to a few people i met her because i trust them

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Court Knee: this scares me a little lol

Remember, fear is not necessarily a bad thing. Its presence serves to remind us where we may be vulnerable so it's wise to listen up when it speaks to us. Then again, sometimes we can become too fearful and this isn't wise either.

Should you never make a friend in cyberspace? Should you never share personal information with others? That depends. Just because there are untrustworthy people out there doesn't mean there aren't people you can trust. Do be discriminating however. Before sharing such information, ask yourself -- how essential is it that this other person know my real name, phone number, address, where I go to school, etc.? If they don't need to know, you don't have to share it.

You may however, choose to share it. If that's the choice you make it's probaby best to share that information discreetly, such as in a personal message as opposed to a public post. If you go back to the introductory post to this topic and review the links there, you'll be better able to take care of yourself.

It may also be insightful to go to any search engine and enter personal information about yourself within quotes, like this: "John Doe". Do the same thing with your phone number, address, school etc. Pay attention to what comes up because if you can find out that kind of information about yourself with just a few personal details, that means that everyone else can find that information too.

Naturally, if you're going to meet up with someone you have met in the online environment -- this is becoming especially popular for those seeking romantic partners -- you should choose a public place and ideally, a group setting. As a last resort, ensure that someone who cares about you knows where you're going, who you're meeting, and your basic schedule.