[Champ]

It took awhile for me to see if anyone else out there experienced this...maybe because I just didn't want to SEE it myself.

My father makes things up. He says he is married to a woman he works with and lives in a big house with..well, everything. Anything he sees on TV when he visits me, he tells me he has. And he says he makes tons of money...which he doesn't. He says he's been married for about 3 years now, though I've never met her, but he tells a close friend of our family (she's like a mother to me) that I know this woman, and she and I are inseparable. He lives in the same house I grew up in, because when I do go through that neighborhood, I see his vehicle. I also have step-brothers, step-sisters, step-neices and nephews apparently. I've never met them, but he tells me all about them... I live an hour away, but can't visit, because he wants me to think he lives somewhere else...if I show up at his door and he is there, he makes up an excuse of some kind, about having to fix up the house. And the people he rents the "old" house to, have the same vehicles he does...

Some background info...he had a dominant mother, and went from school straight to the Vietnam War...came out, met and married my mother, who was 10 years older...in 2000 she died in his arms from cardiac arrest...he had always been I suppose, a habitual liar I guess, making himself a lot bigger than what he was, but it got out of control after she died. He stayed in the Navy through Vietnam, then got out...but tells me and everyone that he made a career of it, and was in it 20 years...I was alive during those 20 years, and there was no military. He only talks about a couple of topics, and talks them to death, then gets quiet. He'll listen to me, but doesn't comment much...and he only likes to be around a couple of people, but not a lot, and not any he doesn't know. I let it go, smile and let him talk. I love my daddy...but this is killing me, but I'd much rather it hurt me than hurt my daddy.

Now he functions fine. Goes to work everyday, pays his bills, keeps up his cars...which is why I've probably never asked anyone about this...but there is something wrong. Very wrong, but I have no idea how to even broach the subject. It's not easy to tell your father, "Hey, I know you are lying about everything" and I don't know what it would do to him if I did...

Is there anyone out there who's experienced this? Who has had a loved one who did this? Is there a name to this disorder? Is it a disorder, or just a father trying to be a great man in his daughter's eyes? Any help would be appreciated, thanks.

Hi Champ,

I really have no suggestions on how to deal with the issue but I do understand. My aunt (my mother's younger sister) has adopted my mother's life as her own. She truly believes that things my mother did are her own. Like for example, my mother was voted best dancer in high school but her sister tells everyone that it was her. She's done it with jobs. Boyfriends. Trips. She tells people she held such and such a position or was engaged and it's just not true. She also exaggerates these beliefs to the extreme. If confronted, she is confused why someone wouldn't believe her. That's because she has convinced herself it's all true.

I think it started because she was living in the shadow of her popular sister and she started exaggerating to compensate for the social skills/acceptance she lacked.

Delusional Disorder fits her pretty well although she's never been diagnosed. Here's the LINK. You might find some info that will help.

[Champ]

Thanks so much!

[StarPonysMama]

YES! I have experienced this FIRST HAND!

I almost married a guy who was a compulsive liar just like this when I was in my early twenties!!!!!!!!!!!

He basically wanted to make himself look like a bigger person. Said he traveled all over the US because his doctor told him he had a year to live. Says he has been allover and even lived in Colorado and had a horse named "dog".

Also lied about being in the Marines. Says he has been to "secret" missions in foreign countries and was then debreifed and "honorable discharge". Claims that nobody knows about these secret missions and even takes on the persona of someone who had been in the military. In my youth I believed it only until he showed me a supposed "top secret" document from the military that he supposed to have gotten from a close marine friend who I never met. I later was digging around on his computer ( out of skepticism) and found the document created by.....you guessed it......him.

When I had finally had enough of the lying and we were splitting, I confronted him. He would say nothing. Nothing at all. Would not even budge that he KNEW he was lying. That was about 8 years ago. He is a good hearted person that will do anything for you. And very Funny too. I had known the guy 10 years. He lied about everything to me and I felt I could not continue the relationship because it was all a lie. His whole existence. He did not lie to HARM anyone - just to make himself look like a bigger person. I confronted him 8 years ago. After some time we were able to remain friends. He still has a big piece of my heart as a human being. I talked to his mom when we split and asked her about the lying. She said that his FATHER had been the same way - even thought the father was never in his life so, Hereditary? Who knows?

He went on to marry a fantastic girl and have a child with her. His son is so funny just like him. After them being married about 4 years she sent me an email and FLAT OUT asked me if I thought her husband was a compulsive liar. I was honest and told her YES. And I also told her thats why I was also vauge about how we broke up. I did not want to be the one to spill the beans to her. She left him for a few months. In that few months they were sharing the house and he would borrow a spare bedroom from me the two days she was home (they both work shift work).

One night, I flat out told him the lying had to stop. I'm not sure if it work. He and his wife since have reconciled. I have yet to ask her.

SO I can HONESTLY say - I know what you're going through. I handled it the way i handled it. Not sure it is best for you since he's your dad. Did you ever think a therapist may be able to help? Maybe someone trained in psychological disorders? Its worth a shot.

A very difficult thing to deal with. I wish you the best!

[Champ]

My mother handled it well...she called him on it and told him to stop...but since he's always had someone of authority...first his mom, then the military, then my mom, I only saw a bit of it growing up. When he did try to lie, mom would step in and flat out tell him...it seemed to work. Then she died, and I think he wanted me to step in and be authorative...but how? He's my dad...I can't be his authority, he's susposed to be mine, lol. So I just let it go because he isn't hurting anyone...and he is a kind-hearted and loving man...I'll have to think of the therapy thing...I really don't know how to confront him on this, or if I can...

Thanks for the insight though, it helps me to know I'm not alone and other people know what I'm talking about.