[Christina86]

First, I wrote this for another venue, but I decided that I could just as easily write this here if it's helpful for some people. I'm asking people to read this with an open mind (as much as you can) and for this to *not* turn into a debate. Thanks

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What is "hoping against hope" to you? The definitions I've seen have to be the most depressing I've ever seen. They state that it's hoping, when the outcome you want is unlikely. I don't like it, one bit.

Actually, what is hope? Anyone have a good personal definition?

Is being hopeful that something will happen unrealistic? I don’t think so. Is hope something that can be measured? Is hope something that we have, or is it something we create? Is being 'filled with hope' the same thing as being 'filled with love'?

I said this about "hoping against hope" today...

It is hopefulness, in a time of hopelessness.

It is looking for the silver lining in a dark rain cloud. It's hoping that a bad situation finds a way to have positive ramifications. It is just letting things happen. We might wish for things to happen one way ... but there are more than binary options for the end result, but that is so frequently seen or acknowledged.

How can you hope when all you've met is grief and despair? How can you hope when your world is turned upside down and it's painful to get through the day and even consider the next?

Living in the moment, I can say... when faced with circumstances out of our control, we can lose hope. That's normal, as far as I'm aware. It does not make you weak; it makes you face the realities of the situation.

I say hope is not something fleeting, and that although not a tangible object, that hope is expectation. I say hope is a driving force behind action.

I’ve come across these questions more than once, and they take real thought to answer to the degree that they deserve.

But…

How can you love yourself if you were brought up not knowing what love was because you never experienced it? How can you love yourself if all you see is someone who is not worthy of that love? How can you let love in – accepting it, embracing it?

I say... you try to love yourself because through someone else's eyes... you are beautiful. You can't really argue with that... they may be neurotic, but you can't disagree because it's their reality, and their perception - and you're beautiful.

You love yourself, or at least have to try to be open to it, because as the saying goes... every moment of every day, someone is thinking about you. I think that's true, even if it's a fleeting moment - but you're loved and cherished in that moment and that is enough.

I ask myself quite often... what do people see in me? What makes people say that they love me or care about me?

I can't say for certain, but perhaps it's the potential I have as a human being (not a human 'doing'). Maybe they like my personality as I portray myself. Maybe it's because I love others as much as I can. I try to live by the simple concept of 'treat others as you want to be treated', and 'love your neighbour'.

I'm guilty sometimes of not treating people the best. I can be rude and hard to deal with; I can be just plain mean. But I guess you get it back, since it's happened to me as well on the flip-side. We all worthy of love and respect, so I try to at least show that to everyone ... even if I get mad, it doesn't mean I should treat another person badly. But at the same time, maybe I should be treating myself better as well. What if there is someone who's used to be treated lower than dirt? What if they didn't know that this wasn't the norm, and expected to be treated this way always? Would that person then go around treating others that way? Or maybe, just maybe, that person could heal from their past and treat themselves with dignity and respect and love ... while they've been doing that to others for a very long time. It's not an easy battle to change who you are, and who you've been to what you want to be - but it is possible. Have some hope. Hope against hope ... and you will prevail.

What about "loving my neighbour"? Who is my neighbour anyhow? I actually did a retreat on this and I found it really interesting and enlightening as I was planning it, and then again when other people were participating. Those people were my neighbours then, as we shared the same living space for a weekend, as is anyone who is currently reading this is also my neighbour.

What if "loving my neighbour" was related to "treating others as you wish to be treated"? Isn't it? I think so... feel free to disagree if you wish.

Who is my neighbour? Geographically? Economically? Ethically? Your neighbour is everyone. EVERYONE. Wow, that's a bit daunting. How can you love someone you disagree with about everything? Sometimes it's hard enough to love ourselves, and our families and friends... now we're expected to love the entire world?

Yep. Loving your neighbour is helping out when you can, praying or sending them good thoughts when you really can't, and trying to have an open mind when met with differences of opinion. I have a hard time with this... I think most people would.
I’m not saying you have to accept the opinions of others, and fail to recognize your own disagreement with someone else’s views. I’m saying you need to look past the differences to seek out the similarities. Like, we’re all human. That’s a good start. You can disagree about an idea, without disliking the person stating it. You can not like a person’s point of view, but still love the person.

Can you NOT like a person, but still love them? I think this is more reasonable. It might be a cop-out, but I think it's the easiest way to define our relationships with others.

An example: Your brother takes something belonging to you. You don't like it, or him for that matter at that moment ... but would you say (honestly) that you don't love him for doing that?

Loving your neighbour is paying attention to those around us. Holding the door is a good act of charity, so is donating your time or money to a worthy cause. But be forewarned... there is a very odd phenomenon (psychologically) where one person becomes so absorbed in helping people - "out there" (far away) that they neglect to see the problems and people around them nearby. The flipside is also possible.

I think I'm trying to strike a healthy balance, and it's still hard. I donate money to organizations (locally and internationally). I try to be friendly and help out when I can. I try to advocate for those who can't speak for themselves (also locally and internationally). That's as close as I've come. And yet I still have issues with some people. I have ethical and other reasons for not being able to put up with certain groups of people. I've tried, and hoped and prayed that I could be more open-minded. Haven't gotten there yet.

Hoping against hope that I'm able to change and be a better person.

But I don't think it's hopeless. I just think it takes a lot of effort. I think that I'm open to the possibility of change, but maybe I'm not fond of change. That's okay, as far as I can see. You don’t have to like something for it to happen. Besides, change happens whether we like it or not.

Sincerely, with love and respect for all who read this,

Me.

[kimmydawn]

Wow, what great and honest insight for yourself, Christina, but food for thought for others.

Thank you for sharing, hon.

KD

[nowheretorun]

(((Christina)))))

i'm going to skip over my anxious response to reply to your post at length.. far from debate tho.. agreement for most everything you've stated.. finding ways to work out differences is a good thing for us all.. it would resolve so many things in our world if we could begin at points of agreement, rather than disagreement..

you have a profound caring for the condition of our world mental health that i applaud and encourage....

((((christina)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((Hope )) your post makes me smile
you said
"I say hope is not something fleeting, and that although not a tangible object, that hope is expectation. I say hope is a driving force behind action."

"Hoping against hope that I'm able to change and be a better person"

I would say my friend you are full of hope...........
Such a wonderful post.........
Your right hope is not tangible.....its with in you........
It drives you ...it drives me....hopefully it drives alot of ppl....
You are such a good person........
To help ppl and have hope for ppl is a great thing
Hope and Love and faith all go together/.........
you said "What about "loving my neighbour" who is your neighbor?
the world sweetie
All of us at pc that you give hope and love to.....

Hope to me ......... Is we all care for each other.......Hope is sometimes praying we all make it threw the day
Hope is what gets you to the next day
Hope is what you see in a babys eyes
Hope is the smile I am giving you right now
Hope is a hand we all extent each other in life
Hope this was ok

Muffy

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( christina )))))))))))))))
Thank you for sharing that with us, it is something that we should all think about.

[Christina86]

(((((((((Everyone)))))))))))

Thank you. It humbles me to see such a positive response to this (not just on the boards, but through PMs as well). Thank you for reading it - I had to share my views on this, because I think it's an important thing to look at on occassion. Or always.

[sabby]

Hope....that which cannot be felt, seen, smelled, tasted yet what we so desperately hold onto when our lives seem out of whack or when bad things happen to good people....we hope things will get better, we hope we will feel better soon, we hope because it is the one constant thing that drives us human beings.

((((((((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))))) This is a lovely writing of hope and how one works through the meaning of it and how it affects one's life. Very insightful and deeply thought about. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.....they are uplifting and above all else..HOPEFUL !!

With much love and hopes for you,

sabby

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))

[TaintedGoth1]

(((((Christina)))))

(((Christina))))))
I think this is a great thread
One more thing "hope" its ok
Aww
I use that word alot
hope sometimes is the only thing i had left to get threw the day
muffy

[nowheretorun]

((Christina)))))))))

pursue this as much as you are able..

[nowheretorun]

loving my neighbor is a good thing.. i live with my handicapped mom, my neighbor is also disabled.. in winter time when snow needs shoveled, all my neighbors come out and shovel each others walks.. its great... on trash day, they come over and move my disabled neighbors' trash container for him...

young, old, Mexican, Bosnian, male, female.... they gather outside and have cookouts, wave hello..

it took awhile for it to grow tho... it seems strangers have a natural distrust nowdays.. with so many horror stories on the news i cant blame them....

slowly, people began expressing their friendliness around here... it started with a simple hello, an unasked kindness occurred between two strangers and from there its grown...

im very thankful because when i leave and my mom is more independent, i know my neighbors will help her in a bad time... it gives me a feeling of security to know that....

my hope and dream is that one day all neighborhoods will be more like my moms...

Christina
A good story on neighbors, well sorta neighbors
And hope in ppl
When my son was unable to talk
and at his lowest point
everyone of my friends came to his aid
they spoke to him all the time
and no matter what garbble came out
they tryed thier hardest to understand
which at that time there was no understanding him
((aww)))
unless he pointed.'
imo
he was sent many angels threw his life
all to help him
angels as in ppl
one very specail one was a littel girl in kindergarden
who for what ever reason understood him
she stuck by his side all the time
My point is , with out the neighbors or his little angels
He would not have the hope he has now........most of all these ppl gave him love...nad hope and acceptance........
ty
muffy

[Rose3]

thank you Christina - this is very valuable to think about hope, love, liking
Hope maybe is being optimistic and positive, and maybe having to search, discover, or create something to hope for or about - and that would make it limitless.
And hope can always be re-kindled.
Maybe part of it involves re-thinking, re-organizing, developing deeper understanding towards acceptance, or developing solutions.