[Fuzzybear]

I think that putting someone on a pedestal hurts that person, and that it is unhealthy behaviour. Any comments or views?

An opinionated Fuzzy

[(JD)]

WOW Fuzzybear what a profound statement!

If you differentiate between putting someone on a pedestal, and showing them regard, respect and acceptance for their position is life, then YES I agree!

People are human (DUH!) and therefore, imperfect. Placing someone up above the rest only gives them farther to fall. It places stress upon them to be perfect, to succeed (assuming they know they've been placed there...) AND it shatters the person's confidence (of who put them there) when the other falls.

[Wants2Fly]

What does it mean to "put someone on a pedestal'?

I know one woman whose husband is a union organizer, and she deeply committed to social justice. So he is her hero.

If partners in every marriage put each other on a pedestal, and treated them with the utmost respect and care, wouldn't that be a good thing?

Until I'm clear about what is meant by this expression, I don't think I can answer.

[angel04]

I'm with Sky on this one. I think if it is a respect issue, pedestals aren't so bad. There are people who earn a place on a pedestal and aren't "put" there by anyone, they are just there because of the way they relate to others and the way they live their lives. Even if a person is on a pedestal, we have to remember that they are just a person so if they fall off, we need to still respect them.
If that makes sense.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your replies everyone. btw I only edited the title.

I will have to think about this one some more, but I agree with ozzie

Bearhugs,
Fuzzy

[SweetCrusader]

I can't resist...

"I don't wanna be your idol, see this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights..." (Alanis) lol!

I think that putting someone on a pedestal represents not seeing them for who they are. And if you think about it, up on a pedestal not only are you not knowing them for who they really are, but you are distancing yourself from them. That is symbolic to me.

Yes, I think it can hurt them. Nothing wrong with thinking someone is spectacular, but you have to be careful not to expect a standard that nobody can live up to- and not to expect that this person could never hurt you.

(((((hugs for the bear)))))

Angela

[Ozze]

When I think of people being put on a pedestal, I ALWAYS think of Princess Diana. I bet you're like 'What the....!?!' but when you look at it the whole world grovelled at her feet and believed that she was truly the greatest humanitarian the world had ever seen.

Now if you remember when she died there was EXCESSIVE news coverage. I remember her funeral was the only event on tv to be publicly broadcasted on EVERY tv station at the one time here in Australia. Everyone was so sad that she had died, even those who never knew her personally. To the world, at this time she seemed to be the finest lady ever.

2 weeks after she died Mother Theresa died. Was there coverage of the circumstances of her death? No. Was there coverage of her funeral? No. A great many people were saddened that this amazing woman had died but it seemed that the world couldn't care because she wasn't on the same level as Princess Di.

Some could debate that point but it just makes me so enraged to her it when Princess Diana is put on the same pedestal as Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa took a pledge to poverty and dedicating ever resource she ever came across to helping the poor and forgotten. Princess Di married into one of the wealthiest families in the world and had too much cash to splash. So she gave some away to a few charities and visited some places where her money would be put to use but always returned to her 5 star hotels and palaces.

This is where the whole pedestal thing is wrong. The world was too eager to put Princess Diana up on a pedestal that they ignored one of the most inspiring and compassionate women of our time. Princess Diana did not compare to her greatness but there would be many in the Western World who would disagree.

I couldn't agree more that the whole pedestal thing is damaging. The pedestals should only be reserved for those who are great AND very modest.

[SweetCrusader]

Peter,

I think you could stand to learn a little more about Princess Di's real life. I'm not going to call her a hero or anything, but I am going to say that having wealth and "glamour" and fame does NOT bring happiness.

Princess Di lived with an immense load of pain that she had to hold within herself. She lived as an "icon" to the world and felt the pressure to present a smiling face regardless of her own struggles. For instance, she found out ON HER WEDDING NIGHT that her husband was unfaithful to her. She had many self-esteem issues and a LOT of pain that she felt unable to share with anyone BECAUSE of the pedestal she was on. She did her public duty and presented the beautiful face of an ever-smiling Princess: with all the glamour that you have described. At home, she cut herself and even threw herself down a flight of stairs once as a way of coping with her pain. Her ever-so-wonderful husband, who provided her with all the "finer things" in life felt that her self-injury was nothing more than being melodramatic and he invalidated her feelings.

Princess Di paid a price for the "pedestal" she was on. Her "pedestal" was her prison.

Yes, she had money and fame and beauty. But sometimes things are not what they seem.

Angela

[Myzen]

Hi Fuzzybear,

As a philosophy graduate, how could I resist this one?

To 'put someone on a pedestal' is to ascribe certain desirable qualities to that person that they may or may not have. For instance, many of the German people put Adolph Hitler on a pedestal (a position that he obviously wanted) ascribing the quality of ' saviour of the people' to him.

Well, he didn't have the diplomacy or maturity to fulfil the promise and we all know what happened. He wasn't exactly a saviour of the German people.

This is different from seeing qualities of goodness in a person and respecting them for that. When we respect someone genuinely, it is for qualities that we see that they have and not for qualities that we want or need them to have. In genuine respect there is no requirement for anything from that person.

In my view, it is particularly risky for parents to put their children on pedestals, due to the resulting emotional stresses that some of us know only too well.

I hope my historical reference isn't too controvertial for the board, if it is I apologise in advance.

Cheers, Myzen.

[Ozze]

Hey Sweet,
Yeh, I'm well aware of how Princess Di handled her life...which wasn't very well but I'm not criticising her for her success in the public eye. It is society that makes me mad. I just can't understand how they can justify a comparison between a rich woman whose troubled personal life was publicised to a woman who worked her entire life to personally save thousands of lives, many of them children.

Her pedestal was her nightmare, that's so true, but that's because she didn't deserve it.

[SweetCrusader]

I guess you and I will just have to agree to disagree on *why* Princess Di's pedestal was her prison, nightmare...

[Wants2Fly]

This has been an interesting discussion. The most useful distinction for me has been to think more precisely about the difference between "putting someone on a pedestal" and ascribing qualities that *may not be true* to them, or respecting someone for their genuinely admirable qualities.

I do not want the following to be interpreted in any way as not being aware of Diana and her pain, or attempting to invalidate it, and the energy she put into presenting the smiling face of the humanitarian princess to the world.

The fact that the pedestal "became her prison" seems to me to relate directly to the idea of ascribing qualities that may not be true to the person. Diana was complicit in maintaining the facade of the smiling Princess.

Perhaps Princess Diana could have performed a great humanitarian deed by fund- and consciousness-raising for eating disorders and self-abuse. I concede that her activities were tightly regulated by a Palace Guard so that this may not have been an option for her. And all coverage of this part of her life tended to be in "tabloid exposes" that played up the "poor little rich girl" (ungrateful snot) angle -- instead of -- this pain crosses all boundaries of class and race -- and deserves attention by our society.

It's interesting, Ozze, that you bring up Mother Teresa in this regard. For here is a woman who seems in every way the opposite of Diana: she was not particularly physically attractive; she worked as a maid before she dedicated her life to the poor; she had little material comfort and worked in medical conditions that would shock most westerners; and yet she apparently had the greatest satisfaction whilst Diana suffered amidst outward luxury.

I completely support your view, Ozze, that there is something wrong with a society that skews our values so completely toward material gratification.

I think there is something wrong with a society when diagnoses of depression are skyrocketing and even those who are not depressed do not feel all that great about being alive either. Where so much Prozac has been consumed that one report claimed there are traces of it in the drinking water now.

When I was young, it was earnestly believed that by the time I was the age that I am now, we would all be working a four-day week and have more time than ever for sports and creative pursuits.

Instead, the unions (okay, I know some of you are going to be really angry about positive statements about unions -- but study up on the facts) whose efforts won the 40-hour work week, health insurance, paid vacations, paid sick time, and retirement benefits, have been gutted. (Unions are always covered unfavorably by the media, esp. TV, bec. --guess what? They are corporations who don't want their own workers unionized. Thus, unions are widely perceived as "bad." ) Corporations have pillaged the retirement accounts. 45% of all Americans lack health care, and people who are lucky enough to have jobs may have to cobble together 2 or 3 to get by and work 50 or more hours a week. Even the best paid professionals -- CEOS, attorneys, physicians -- expect to work a 50 hour week. Even professors. Certainly school teachers.

So we grab what relief we can in over-eating, over-spending, and vegging out in front of the tube.

Where the photogenic are put on pedestals and inner worth isn't worth all that much.

Okay, enough ranting.

[(JD)]

Hmmm IMO Neither Diana nor Mother Theresa wanted to be on that pedastal. As for spouses putting each other on a pedastal, I say, please don't! Pedastal sitting is greatly overrated!

As has been mentioned here, we place someone on a pedastal because we truly do not see them as they are, but as we see them. It is a fault of our own deceptive perception! They can do no wrong, we must honor every word they say, or at least refer to it when we are puzzled. We excuse their shortcomings (if we see any at all!)

For a healthy view, we need to see others as they truly are, "warts and all." Then we need to accept them: shortcomings and all. I have often been questioned by another when we discuss someone else with regards to their ability to perfom a certain job, that I am being too critical. I explain that one needs to be open about abilities and inabilities, and run from there... that way we know each other, can work as a team without rebuke. If I know your weaknesses and you know mine, and we agree to fill in for each other, that's really best!

If I place you on a pedastal I am alienating you, and disallowing you to function as a normal human being, "warts and all."

[LMo]

I'm with Ozze and Sky on this.

But really, it would never occur to me to put someone on a pedestal in the first place.

So, to me, what is more important than whether it is damaging or not lies the question "what would compel someone to put another person on a pedestal?".

[LadyDragus]

I am going to say putting anyone on a pedastool is a bad thing. It can hurt there self esttem in so many ways.

I would never want to be done that way, and I try very hard not to do that to others. It would degrade me to be treated that way, for many reasons.. I am a human being I am not prefect and I do not deserve to be treated that way, nor would I want someoen to do that to me..

If you try to make someone out to be mroe than they truly are, then it can lead to more and more problems, and in the end you both can end up getting hurt.. That is all I see happing from putting somoen on a pedastool....

[krzyk101]

I do not know all the scientific or stuff about all this and only understood half of what was said of it all. I agree with Lady Dragus..People are equal in my opinion. I get upset when the Media draws attention to a person others have put on a pedistal and they get a cold or something and it is all over the media because someone seen them and took their photo buying some cough syrup.

While someone else who's breaths, and gets sick and suffers even more is dismissed even though they are a human being too. As if One person's ailments are more important than another's who is not on a pedistal. Perhaps untill the media and people stop thinking others as being better than themselves then the people can not help to be on a pedistal to some because people choose to think of them in such a way not as an equal only as a "better or Higher" We are all equal in being.

[Merlin]

I disagree that all people are equal. There are those that are better and there are those who are worse. The problem is not viewing people accurately, or expecting them to preform with fault.

To those that would opposed my statement that all people are not equal: I do not mean that we do not all have value or worth.

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

This is a good discussion. Thanks to Fuzzybear for having the idea.

Cheers, Myzen.

[jester]

some deserve to be put on a pedesstal. some deserve to put others on a pedestal. what do you mean "put on a pedestal"?