My Type-A personality is ruining my life (LONG)

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to post about a few things that have happened to me in the last week that have made me realize that my stubborn nature, type-a personality, etc. are interfering with my life. So I guess that you could say that this post is part-vent, part what-do-I-do-now

I am a 30 year old married woman, no kids. I work for a government agency, and at my workplace we work with a specific program. Now In this program, the head office will call us from time to time and ask us to do certain events, meetings, etc. They can and have been all across the board--nights, Saturdays, etc. As these are from the head office, we CANNOT turn the events down no matter what, or else risk losing our contract and putting us all out of a job. This past week has been an extremely busy week for these events, and I have had to work several nights and early mornings; I literally had an event every day last week outside of my normal work hours. This is in addition to other things I do as part of my expected job duties (paperwork, reports, etc.) My co-workers have also had events to do, not every night, but with some of them being outside our hours too, as well as their other duties.

However, the head office called earlier this week with a big event that took place this weekend--2 full days, Saturday and Sunday. So I took the order to my coworkers (the head office e-mails me the events they'd like us to do), and it pretty much hit the fan. See, one of my co-workers is getting married and is out of the office the rest of this week and part of next, so we're short one person during that time. When I mentioned the event, the other co-workers mentioned that they couldn't do any of the event anyway due to prior committments--one was going to attend the co-worker's wedding which would be 2 hours away, and then had to go to her child's game (the child is a cheerleader). The other co-worker had to attend her child's football game and then had committments at church on Sunday. Furthermore, they said that I shouldn't have to do the events either because it wasn't right for the head office to ask at short notice for ANYONE to do it--even after I said (again) that it didn't matter what they asked for, only that we had to do it. My job is VERY important to me, and I take it quite seriously, but at the same time, I do value my co-workers and didn't want anyone to feel that I was telling them what to do with their personal time. BUT--I also didn't want to feel like I was being pushed around, either.

One of the co-workers suggests that we call our supervisor (she's in another office) and do a confrence call, to convince her to let us off the hook on this event. We try to call her office and cell #'s, but can't reach her right away as she's meeting with someone. Meanwhile, the situation just keeps escalating, me saying that yes, the situation is not ideal but that we have to come up with something, and everyone else saying they can't do it. It's a standoff of sorts, since neither of us is budging.

Finally, all of us are to the point of anger and tears, and I can't take it anymore, plus everyone is so angry that we aren't getting around to call the supervisor back. I go back to my desk and decide to try to call her again, since I have felt that I have a good relationship with her and feel that if I tell her that we got this order and that we needed advice on what to do since we were stuck, that it would help. I do reach her this time, and explain what is going on, without telling her that we've got a very tense situation on our hands. She says that the events MUST be covered, and asks why the others can't work at the events. I explain the reasons why (ballgames, church, religious beliefs, etc.), and that we are just stuck about how to solve the situation. She says that in cases like this we should think about what our jobs require, and that I shouldn't have to do the whole weekend because I don't have children (I did not mention this fact to her explicitly, nor did my co-workers say this). She then asks her to e-mail her the event times, dates, etc. I got the impression that she was going to send an e-mail telling them that they would HAVE to help out.

One of the co-workers overhears me speaking on the phone and asks if that was the supervisor. I told her that it was, and that unfortunately, we would have to do the event somehow. The co-worker then becomes LIVID and starts berating me about how stupid I was to call her since we'd now have to do the event, insinuated that I'd stabbed them all in the back, and asked me why I did it. I told her the truth--that I was sick of the stalemate and needed an outside decision as what to do. She then says to the effect of "we were just trying to help you so you wouldn't have to do it either, but I guess you like people feeling sorry for you, etc.) . The others are upset too, and saying "I thought we agreeed to call her together, etc.", and I tell them to the fact that someone had to do something, and that I don't know why I called anyway since I knew what the answer was going to be.

It's very angry (and very loud) for a minute, and then one of my co-workers suggests that we try to confrence call the supervisor again. We reach her, and it's a standoff all over again--the supervisor very sternly said that we must do the events and needed to work out a plan amongst ourselves. The co-workers are standing firm that their weekends are completely full, and I even state during the call that I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do or cause trouble, I just want the issue resolved. Finally, we hang up and the supervisor sends an e-mail asking me to call her--she doesn't say why, though. I do call, and leave her a message on her work and cell numbers. She doesn't call back (which sometimes happens, as her job also requires her to be in and out of the office), so I leave a message with that office's receptionist after a couple of days. During all of this, I'm aware that my co-workers are still angry. And I still end up having to work both events since we were at the point where we had to give the head office an answer as to who would be doing them.

The supervisor then e-mails us stating that she would like to schedule a meeting with us ASAP. I respond to her e-mail and also ask if she still needs me to call her, or if this was regarding something to be discussed at the meeting. She responds to my e-mail and says that she was wondering why I didn't e-mail her with the schedules, because she was in fact going to send an e-mail to everyone asking them to help. She also said that she was just trying to help, but that since she'd been made aware that I was going to work both events that I didn't appear to need it. I replied back and told her that it had actually slipped my mind to send her the e-mail (which was true, but looking back I'm sort of glad I forgot--because IMHO, that would have put a huge target on my head and gave my co-workers more reason to think that I was betraying them).

Then over the weekend, while I was in the office alone to pick up supplies for the events, there was a suspicious vehicle driving around very slowly in our (otherwise completely empty) parking lot. They pull up directly to my car, then drive around in circles at 5 miles an hour, etc. I became genuinely frightened, and My gut instinct was to call the cops, so I did and reported the vehicle. They told me I did not have to stay at the office for them to arrive, so I got in the car and headed on to the event site. I also called my supervisor and one of my co-workers, as I wanted the incident reported with someone at each office just in case something happened. The supervisor told me that she was glad I called, and we left it at that; I left a voicemail for my co-worker but she didn't call me back yesterday or today (I'm off today--we can't get overtime so I have to "flex" my overtime off).Then it occurs to me thats she probably thought that I was A.) trying to get someone to tell me to not go to the event, or B. trying to make them feel guilty. Neither of these are true, and its hurtful for me to think that I'm making people believe that unintentionally.

All of this has made me take a look at what my personality is doing to me. I don't have any friends outside of my husband. In my closet, I have very little "non-work" clothing. Work is my life.

I want to restore the peace and break out of this. But how?

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening

Hello Beyond77 and welcome to PC!

I really do understand your frustration and I wish I had an answer for you. I’ve always given my job 110% and I would get very frustrated when co-workers did as little as they could to get by. That being said, I worked to live, not live to work, my family is and has always been my first priority.

There is no way I could work at your place of employment. It sounds much too chaotic. Since you’re not paid overtime, you have to figure out another time to take off. Then what happens if something pops up then? Hard feelings because you’ve worked the weekend and are entitled to take those hours off during the week leaving your co-workers to handle what pops up?

Is this the first time this situation has come up? Is there a system in place to ensure that all employees are giving equal time to these off time events? Is there a minimum amount of notice that employees are entitled to prior to being forced to change their plans? Is there a system in place that dictates the minimum amount of staffing needed for events? Certainly your co-workers are familiar with the requirements of the job, but some things cannot be rescheduled.

My father was a ranking police officer and had to fill in for his employees when something came up. When he died he had 1000 hours of comp time and over a years worth of sick time coming to him. Granted that my brother and I are adults, but he died too soon and we would have liked to have that time with him.

Beyond, I found your post very interesting. A definite management predictament. I don't think your "Type A" personality is the whole story here. This situation would be a problem no matter what your personality type.

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they said that I shouldn't have to do the events either because it wasn't right for the head office to ask at short notice for ANYONE to do it--even after I said (again) that it didn't matter what they asked for, only that we had to do it. My job is VERY important to me, and I take it quite seriously

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I find it a bit obnoxious that you say your job is very important to you and you take it seriously, as if it isn't important to your co-workers and as if they don't take it seriously. They may be put off by this judgemental attitude. Their jobs may be just as important to them as yours is to you. Don't make assumptions. I can see it would be difficult to get buy in from your co-workers if you broadcast this attitude. I also agree with your co-workers that the short notice from the head office is not working.

I think the situation calls for a face-to-face meeting between your supervisor, your co-workers, and you. One question I have is, are you and your co-workers equal? Or do you supervise them? It seems from your post that you have more responsibility than they do to see that these events get covered. Is that true? But on the other hand you refer to them as "co-workers," as if you are all equals.

At the meeting, you take the lead, "I called this meeting because..." State the facts: the head office gives us very short notice to cover events outside our working hours and we are not always able to fulfill them. How can we deal with this situation? Then ask everyone to brainstorm, and write everyone's ideas up on the board. No idea is too wacky or unreasonable. Just get everyone to stop holding back and throw out their ideas. Don't stop and discuss each idea as it comes up and why it will never work. This makes people stop offering ideas. Just put all the ideas up. When the ideas have stopped, start going through the list and considering the ideas. Maybe you will need to cross some off your list. Maybe others will occur to you as you do this. Maybe a combination of several ideas will be workable. Some ideas that came to my mind were:
--require the head office to give you more notice on when your presence is required at events (2 weeks?, 1 month?)
--borrow staff from other departments to help you when the unexpected arises. Repay them later by helping them out somehow
--hire temporary staff to help with the events. Charge this to the vendor
--hire more staff in your group
--have your supervisor help with the events. this would provide one more body
--ask that the notification of the events go to you and your co-workers simultaneously, if you are not their supervisor. It seems like you are being singled out from the head office to be the enforcer, and that isn't fair to you, unless it indeed is a duty that has been assigned to you.
--let co-workers know that from now on, they will not have to justify the reason why they cannot appear at an event. It is not fair to ask people about their personal lives (I have to go to a wedding, I have to go to my son's game, etc.). This leads to judgments and resentments ("why do they not have to go to the event? I don't have kids and I always have to go, I don't attend church, so I always get stuck with this, etc.) Everyone's reason is equally valid, either they can do it or they can't.
--Perhaps make a minimum commitment required that everyone buys into, such as everyone will have to do at least 2 events per week (provided the agreed upon sufficient notice is provided by the head office).

The trick is to make everyone part of the solution. Don't take this on as your problem alone to solve. You sound like you are at an equal level to your co-workers. This is everyone's problem. Your supervisor really should be taking a stronger role in problem solving, but since she isn't, take the bull by the horns, and do it yourself. Hold the meeting, brainstorm solutions, and come up with something that EVERYONE agrees on.

It could be that you will need to have more players attend your meeting than just your co-workers and your supervisor. Perhaps someone from head office will have to conference in. Or a representative from the vendor (whoever you have the contract with). You know best who should be there.

This is a separate issue from the thing with your car. Don't get sidetracked. Focus on solving the "short staffed for mandatory events" problem.

Also, if it is agreed that you will all talk together with the supervisor, do not shortcut that and talk to her yourself. This will make your co-workers feel betrayed and even less apt to want to serve at events or work together to come up with a solution. Be inclusive. Empower people to be solve this. Your supervisor will be impressed with the way you handle this.

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I don't have any friends outside of my husband. In my closet, I have very little "non-work" clothing. Work is my life.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Are you dissatisfied with this? If so, set some goals to change it. To make some friends, to join in some recreational activities, to not work so much. If this means changing jobs, or transferring to another group within your agency, then start working toward that.

Beyond77

Welcome to PC. Wow, you have quite a situation there that I can see how difficult it could be for you and the others as well.

I'm curious, are you a supervisor over these other employees? Does it state in everyone's job description that hours are dictated by the events that are planned and can change at any given moment? Were all the employees well aware of that situation when they took their position?

I find it pretty rotten and unacceptable that your supervisor didn't take a stand with everyone to say what was expected. If indeed you are not a supervisor over the others in your office, then it's not fair that she dumped it in your lap to deal with. There certainly are times when things like this happen and at most, the supervisor needs to stand up and delegate. If you are not their supervisor, then I think you were put into a very difficult position from the get go. (by your fellow employees as well).

Just because you are a type-a personality and you put forth much effort in your job does not make you the problem. Unfortunately, not everyone in the work place will have that same kind of "gung-ho" mentality and they may put their families and own time higher than you do on their lists....and that's ok too. But there has to be some meeting of the minds or some good strong leadership from your supervisor to help quell the situation.

I'm sorry you all had to go through that. I'm sure it was very stressful and difficult. Maybe there needs to be a meeting with your supervisor and everything brought to the table....talking about it can bring resolve and maybe even some new direction. I hope this can happen for you.

Wishing you well.


sabby

Thanks everyone, for reading and letting me vent I just wanted to answer your questions.

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AAAAA said:

Is this the first time this situation has come up? Is there a system in place to ensure that all employees are giving equal time to these off time events? Is there a minimum amount of notice that employees are entitled to prior to being forced to change their plans? Is there a system in place that dictates the minimum amount of staffing needed for events? Certainly your co-workers are familiar with the requirements of the job, but some things cannot be rescheduled.

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This is one thing that makes this situation even more difficult and emotional, IMHO. We've had a LOT of events come up here of late, including quite a few nighttime ones through the week and a Saturday here and there, well outside of our work hours. Fortunately, most of these are a couple of hours here and there, and that's it until the next one. As for the scheduling--per our contract we MUST go to events head office asks us to go to, no matter when we're called, unless there are extreme circumstances (and they don't consider lack of staff "extreme", we've found). There have even been a few where we were asked to go to ones on less than 24 hours notice! The rule of the day, which even our supervisor said some time ago, was "NEVER say no". Even when I spoke to my supervisor (and when we later spoke to her all together), she said "well, you can't not do it".

However, at many of these events, I can honestly say that my coworkers can and would help out (they'd come with me or another co-worker if the event called for 2 people, etc.) So I will not say that they don't do their jobs and don't want to work together, because I've seen that they most definitely do. Yes, there have also been times that I've tried to help the others out with their scheduling by taking on an event, or giving the event to someone else to help them out (if they need to get their hours in early to take off a certain day, etc.) It hadn't been THAT big of a deal, and we'd worked together quite well honestly, until this whole thing happened.

What really threw us all for a loop here was that the particular event I wrote about called for quite literally an entire weekend--with the time to drive there, over two full days of hours. My reluctance was that that was a lot of time for one person to do; even when I went to the event, I was the only vendor that had just one person working their booth. On top of that, to be perfectly honest, I was a little peeved that even one of the others couldn't spare a couple of hours on just one of the days to lighten the load a bit. (Obviously, the co-worker getting married was exempt from this! ) To tell the truth, I simply felt that this was too overwhelming a request for ANY of us to do alone, and my original suggestion was to split the time between a couple of us. When I was told "no, we absolutely can't help this weekend, but you shouldn't do it either," I felt kind of trapped. It's like I was all but being told that I'd have to do the weekend by default, even if that wasn't how it was intended.

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sunrise said:]I find it a bit obnoxious that you say your job is very important to you and you take it seriously, as if it isn't important to your co-workers and as if they don't take it seriously. They may be put off by this judgemental attitude. Their jobs may be just as important to them as yours is to you. Don't make assumptions. I can see it would be difficult to get buy in from your co-workers if you broadcast this attitude. I also agree with your co-workers that the short notice from the head office is not working.

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After reading my post again, I agree that I did sound as though I was coming off a bit high and mighty. I apologize, as that was not my intention, nor do I normally show this attitude to my co-workers. In fact, under normal circumstances I do everything I can NOT to show it to them--to (honestly) be a team player ,and "suck it up" if I don't agree with something so that we can move on. I'll agree that emotion got the best of me here, and the extreme nature of this situation didn't help matters.

I do realize that my co-workers' personal lives are important, and that they do work hard at their jobs, as I wrote above. I also know that having kids takes up a lot of your free time (to put it mildly!). But also as I wrote above, I guess it wasn't the fact that they had the committments themselves...it was the fact that we were at a stalemate and could not agree to work out some sort of plan so no one would have to do the whole event alone. Their answer seemed to be, "well, no one should do it, we shouldn't be required to," when we all knew that wasn't an option.

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I think the situation calls for a face-to-face meeting between your supervisor, your co-workers, and you. One question I have is, are you and your co-workers equal? Or do you supervise them? It seems from your post that you have more responsibility than they do to see that these events get covered. Is that true? But on the other hand you refer to them as "co-workers," as if you are all equals.

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I completely agree with the meeting idea, and I plan to bring this up during our next meeting with our supervisor that's next week.

I am not a supervisor in our office--my co-workers and I all have the same title--but the head office tends to contact me to ask for someone to attend the events. The only reason I figure this is because I was the "original" program member, and because I'm usually the one to attend meetings they have at the head office from time to time. I've mentioned that it might be a good idea for them to send these to everyone in the spirit of fairness--and the fact that I may be out of the office when the message is sent and we end up with an extremely short notice,which has happened more than once--but I still tend to get them.

Anyway, when I do get a request I usually forward the e-mail. For very short notice events or ones that may be a bit more difficult, I also verbally mention that I got a message from them to work an event. So I guess in a way, I do feel that I'm being put in the position as an "enforcer" and "mouthpiece"--weither that's a valid feeling or not, and in hind sight it was what drove me to call the supervisor myself even though it wasn't the best thing to do!

Also about that, It's also a bit frustrating that we don't technically have a supervisor in-house at our office--our supervisor is actually stationed in another of our offices a few hours away, and we don't usually see her except when she visits our office about twice a month.

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I don't have any friends outside of my husband. In my closet, I have very little "non-work" clothing. Work is my life.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Are you dissatisfied with this? If so, set some goals to change it. To make some friends, to join in some recreational activities, to not work so much. If this means changing jobs, or transferring to another group within your agency, then start working toward that.

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I also agree with this. I'm trying to take steps to improve this, but it seems to be slow-going.

Again, thanks to everyone for listening!! This is indeed a crappy situation all around.

Yeah, it is a crappy situation for sure.....and I think it's highly unfair of the organization to lean strictly on you to be the relay of messages without backing it up to the other team members. How hard is it to include your fellow workers in an email for heaven's sake? It sounds like such a simple thing that can be done and it might give a huge bang for the buck if everyone felt as though they were important enough to receive the emails as well as you.

How about setting everyone up on a rotating type of schedule? Each one is responsible for working a weekend event....giving the others time off to spend with family....I know it's difficult to plan when it's not an every weekend thing, but...it could really help everyone feel like they are contributing but still getting their personal time off as well.


sabby

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_sabby_ said:
Yeah, it is a crappy situation for sure.....and I think it's highly unfair of the organization to lean strictly on you to be the relay of messages without backing it up to the other team members. How hard is it to include your fellow workers in an email for heaven's sake? It sounds like such a simple thing that can be done and it might give a huge bang for the buck if everyone felt as though they were important enough to receive the emails as well as you.

How about setting everyone up on a rotating type of schedule? Each one is responsible for working a weekend event....giving the others time off to spend with family....I know it's difficult to plan when it's not an every weekend thing, but...it could really help everyone feel like they are contributing but still getting their personal time off as well.


sabby

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Thanks, Sabby. These are great ideas. I'm hoping that we can draw up some sort of plan soon, to prevent this from happening again.

Meanwhile, as I wrote earlier, this whole thing has also definitely been a wake-up call for me regarding my control/workaholic/anxiety issues--a perfect example of what I like to call "good intentions gone bad" I just wish that reversing all of that "programming" wasn't so hard!

I can defintely agree with the others that this is a pretty difficult situation, actually I think it is quite cheeky of the management to have a "can't say no" policy to events which take place on weekends and during "free" time hours. Certainly I would agree with the suggestion to put in place a roster or some kind of arrangement to ensure that everyone does their equal share, but in the meantime maybe you could look and see what alternative jobs are available in your field? It could at least help to cope in these confrontation situations if you know something else is out there. In many jobs being so dedicated would be an asset but in this case it sounds like you are having to work way too hard, and it would be difficult to change your situation "I don't have any friends outside of my husband. In my closet, I have very little "non-work" clothing. Work is my life." with such complicated work demands.
best of luck and don't take the disasters personally!

Hi all, got another update for you...I'm posting in this thread rather than the other one due to some of the issues that came up. Today all of my co-workers were back, and we decided to have a meeting among ourselves.

First shocker of the day: the co-worker who got married a couple of weeks ago is leaving us in two weeks to take another job. I can't blame her (there have been a lot of layoffs in our office lately, plus she has a masters and was offered to be director of a non-profit...she'd be crazy to turn that down!). But what got me is that I overheard her tell one of my other co-workers that the incident that I spoke of earlier in my post was what really encouraged her to look elsewhere. I felt horrible--to think that it was at least partly my fault made me actually feel ill.

I didn't let on that I'd overheard this, but when we went into our meeting I got a pretty thourogh talking-to. The co-worker who was in the meeting with me and our supervisor the other day confessed that on that day, she was furious with me, and could barely gather the strength to talk to me a few days afterward. She then said that she'd forgiven me (and the supervisor) since then, but reinterated that she was upset. Fair enough, and then the others told me about how what I'd done made them feel that I was tattling on them and making them seem that they weren't doing anything. They then added that to them, work was very important, but that family was first. Then we came to the issue of withholding information--something that I didn't realize was a problem. Apparently, they were upset that information that I got (though meetings with the head office, e-mails,etc. about events, possible upcoming things, answers to certain questions) wasn't getting to them, and that I wasn't sharing this info with them as a team. Now, I certainly didn't do this intentionally (and told them that), but to be perfectly honest...I couldn't argue. A lot of this had to do, I suppose, with feeling that as the contact, that it was my responsibility to staff things, and "use"the information; I can only describe it as overwhelming feeling to "fix" everything and to be in control. In reality, it's the feeling that I'm weak and NOT in control at all that probably drives that feeling. That, and the fact that I could really see through this information how much of a control freak I apparently really am And I felt incredibly selfish, especially when the others talked about their commitments and asked me to please consider them and their lives before deciding that I have to decide something without asking them about it first.

All of this was very painful to hear, but I'm glad that we took the time to let everything out instead of letting it fester any longer. We were still having difficulty coming up with an answer to the weekend thing, but we were able to come up with some new procedures on how to share info and let everyone in on event scheduling (if we need to speak to the supervisor we do it all together, if the head office calls for an event I'd tell them that I'd get back with them that same day, instead of saying "yes" automatically, etc.). So we did come to a common ground, but I sense that there's still that bit of anger floating around.

Now.. that leaves me and my issues. To tell you the truth, I feel quite uncomfortable, and unsure how to proceed from here to change what amounts to a good part of my core being. How do you break out of being selfish when that's been a part of you for so long--I'm an only child and so is my husband, so you might say that I've been used to doing things for myself and having had to be independent by need. I was part of a very small family and don't have the circle of friends and family most people do, and for the first time in a long time I feel resentful. Maybe that's why I felt so angry originally, that I was reminded of how little I've got going on in my personal life right now.

Sure, I can do the usual things that workaholics are advised to do like leave the office on time, not work overtime (not that I can, anyway), and so on, but mentally, that "driven" feeling is still there, even when I'm not at work. I've tried taking classes, trying out volunteer work, and so on--but I still can't get my mind off my work issues. I'm having trouble finding good concrete advice (even from a therapist!) on how to actually stop and change that pattern.

I used to pride myself on being a good, happy, caring person, but today I stopped to ask myself if that's really true, or if it was a cover-up for a person who is a lot darker, sadder, and meaner than she realizes. What's worse, I don't know the answer. :icon_cry:

Anyway, thanks again for listening...

hang in there!!!

it still sounds to me as though they are expecting you(because they feel you have no life) to pick up their slack. and if the head office is sending you messages to schedule things then you are the one who needs this info. yes, let them know there are things coming up, but don't let them walk all over you. and watch out because you sound like you are going to burn yourself out trying to make things run smoothly with precious little help or cooperation. jmho

lost

Thanks. The only thing that is really bothering me right now is the feeling that I need to walk on eggshells...that if I don't do everything 100% perfect as far as cooperation, sharing info, etc. that there'll be more upset and I'll be thought of as this mean selfish control freak. So I feel extremely tense, trying not to do anything "bad" or "take charge" Thing is, I don't know if this is a valid feeling...if I'm overreacting or not.

Oh lord. I'm not in the mood to post a long, lengthy update on what's happened lately (and I'm sure you don't want to read a long, lengthy one either ), but here's the short version. Suffice it to say, I'm about to scream again!!!

Now I've got the feeling that I'm being purposely excluded for things. I'm not 100% sure if this is true or not, but some of my other co-workers have been exhibiting weird behavior like going into one of the offices and closing the door "for meetings", asking to do events I'm scheduled to do with someone else at the last minute (while talking about how they were suddenly able to shufffle around their child's schedules, hmmm),and acting all secretive in a "so-and-so doesn't want to be at the same event as you, and we're helping her out" kind of way. There's also been a few "crazy people" jokes and statements in my presence that seem a little close to home, although these may have truly been meant as off-the cuff remarks--but that's the thing, I genuinely can't tell!

They'll also talk about all the stuff they ALL do together after work--that I'm not invited to do with them, or course--and will sit in a common area and talk and laugh about different things for quite awhile.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that they don't work, because they definitely do. Still, the type-A in me wants to kick their butts but the insecure part of me feels deeply hurt and alone. Today I went in to the break room to eat lunch and felt like the annoying kid that no one wants to sit with in the cafeteria, it felt so uncomfortable that I had to leave mid meal. (probably fueling the "Crazy beyond77" talk...) I have issues with catty women going all the way back to childhood, and this, unfortunately, is bringing it all up again. I've been close to tears more than once.

I don't know if they are intentionally being mean, or if I'm overreacting, but I just want things to be normal again...