Wasn't sure where to put this... anyone else have fear of initiating conversations? Beyond normal shyness.

Fear of calling someone, opening a chat window on an IM, PMing someone first, ringing someone's doorbell, saying hi first... I'm scared people think I'm avoiding them or don't want to talk to them sometimes when in reality it's just I'm too scared to be the first person to talk (in private especially)? It's not even that I don't want to talk, I like talking in private, but I just get this big fear of starting to talk... I feel silly

[gimmeice]

(((((((((( Griffe )))))))))
Don't feel silly, I am very shy when it comes to starting a conversation especially calling someone that is very scary to me.

[pattyannee]

I go thru this a lot also. I'm afraid of being wrong, or offending someone. When I do talk I feel inferior, or fear that I said something that upset someone.
The other day I was in a store and a friend came up to me. She started talking to me, and I said something I afterwards feared I had offended her, or maybe just sounded stupid.
I feal guilty because I know what I said was said wrong in some way.
I do this in chat too. I sit back and watch the conversation go by, and say I'm ok when asked. Its never been ok to be anything but fine. I'm not used to letting anyone know me.

[darkrunner]

Griffe....you are not alone.

I fear starting conversations because I fear people don't want to talk to me, or I will say something stupid. I don't want to be a pest or an annoyance to anyone.

I hate making telephone calls....even to order a pizza.

I've always felt this way. And even though I force myself to do it sometimes....it never gets any easier.

ktgirl

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by ktgirl

I hate making telephone calls....even to order a pizza.
ktgirl

I so am the same way! I hate calling to order anything at all, whether it's food or just to pay a bill.

Sometimes I end up starting conversation because the silence is too awkward. Even in T, I start to talk even if I don't have anything to say.

When I don't know anyone in the room or on the phone, I just don't talk unless I get talked to first. Even then, I will just answer the question.

If I know people, I am more comfy, but that is part of why I don't go into chat, because I don't want to sound stupid or say the wrong thing.

You are not alone, Griffe!

BJ

[digdug]

I think anxiety over interactions with strangers is a widespread phenomena these days, not limited only to people with social anxieties.

Back where I used to live I had many friends who were hugely socialable amongst themselves, but hated having to phone up and order a pizza and that sort of thing. I remember they were thrilled when a big local chain opened up an on-line ordering service so they didn't have to talk to anyone. Remember, these were people who talked and hung out with one another all the time.

Just think of all the little human interactions we used to have when we walked down streets and took buses and trains to work, instead of sealing ourselves off in suburban homes and SUVs. I'm lucky enough to live in a big, bustling city, but if I had kids to feed and that sort of thing, it would be a whole other story given housing costs these days. At any rate, it's staggering when you think about how much interpersonal interaction we've lost.

Hi Griffe... its ok..

Thanks everyone. I'm always scared people will think I'm ingoring them or don't want to talk to them when it's really not that at all

[justmicki]

I know the feeling!
I feel the same way.
Its because I'm afraid they are going to think something bad about me..
or they already do..
it kinda sucks..
but I do know the feeling..
All too well...

[cantstopcrying]

I'm there with you guys! I always feel inferior, or that I won't have anything to contribute or nothing to talk about. I always see people starting up conversations with strangers and sometimes wish I could do that. I loathe making phone calls--I forget what I want to say, I start to ramble and really do sound stupid. And I'm 39 years old!

[myoasis89]

I thought I was is one, all alone on this issue as well, but it's nice to hear people have this issue as well. maybe everyone has social phobias and we don't know it. we cause ourselves grief over being social when we shoudln't give it so much thought and worry

[BiscuitTin]

Originally Posted by myoasis89

I thought I was is one, all alone on this issue as well, but it's nice to hear people have this issue as well. maybe everyone has social phobias and we don't know it. we cause ourselves grief over being social when we shoudln't give it so much thought and worry

It sounds like social phobia or social anxiety disorder. There is a lot to explain but it is very treatable.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_phobia

Therapy is expensive unfortunately, do you have a job?