[Edgewood]

So, what's it mean when your best friend for thirty years (before cub scouts) decides that you cannot be his best man beacause you are not Greek Orthodox? After all, you had him be yours 12 years ago . . .

I am not sure how to proceed. I don't know, maybe this is a question too out of context to post. I am not even sure where to begin. I have never felt so excluded . . . oh wait, at the alter at my wedding 12 years ago, when I couldn't take communion because I wasn't Catholic.

Has anybody else dealt with these conflicts? I am so upset.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I am sorry you are hurt by this but he is just following his religous beliefs...there are rules we must follow....just like a non Catholic would not take communion because they would not really belive it is the body and blood of Christ and not a symbol...he is still your friend but has to follow his church rules

[(JD)]

Sigh. Yeah religion - beliefs can sure get in the way of a friendship eh? Maybe there is another position you can hold in his wedding.. though I'm not sure why a best man can't be a non member! go figure. Sometimes church traditions... I'm surprised you were allowed to be married in the church yourself, without becoming Catholic as your wife! hmmmm that's a new one to me... but then... I'm not up on all of it anymore.

I don't know how far you wish to pursue this (cub scouts was a long time ago!) are you willing to let it go and still be friends, are you willing to maybe find out what he says isn't totally true (if it isn't) .... will it make a difference?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

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_Sky said:
Sigh. Yeah religion - beliefs can sure get in the way of a friendship eh? Maybe there is another position you can hold in his wedding.. though I'm not sure why a best man can't be a non member! go figure. Sometimes church traditions... I'm surprised you were allowed to be married in the church yourself, without becoming Catholic as your wife! hmmmm that's a new one to me... but then... I'm not up on all of it anymore.

I don't know how far you wish to pursue this (cub scouts was a long time ago!) are you willing to let it go and still be friends, are you willing to maybe find out what he says isn't totally true (if it isn't) .... will it make a difference?

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Sky Catholics can marry non Catholics BUT the kids are to be raised Catholic.
I think one can say hey were are friends and I respect my friends beliefs here and move past it.
I do not break major rules within my church and would not expect a friend to do it for me...I feel for you Yorkie but your friend didnt set the rules

[Edgewood]

I appreciate your remarks, and find them comforting. Thank you for the quick response. Ultimately, I accept differences in dogma, and can conform to the moment; but I feel like tradition is not allowing for personal history ( I suspect the Bride's household (in Sparta) is pushing for a brother to fill the slot) . . . and I am just this guy in the U.S.

Sigh, guess I won't rage against my friend.

[dexter]

I agree Yorkie... this is outside of your friends control... well, we all have choices but this would be rather huge to have to defy his religion and don't forget this also effects his bride-to-be and their family too. This could also be a church rule, as in they can't hold the wedding there if they let you be best man.

I understand how upsetting this is. I think you did the right thing by venting it here. I think don't hold it personally against your friend. Maybe you can talk to him and arrange for something special for you at the reception, like a toast or something. If not just help him enjoy his special day. Please also remember that this is a time for him when he is being pulled in a lot of different directions and making a lot of compromises just dealing with his family and her family... so find a balance to not stress him out even more. I'm hoping that by the time the wedding comes you can find some peace with this so that you are able to enjoy yourself that day too. Eat lots of cake!

[(JD)]

Gee Yorkie I would surely be positive to tell how upset/disappointed this decision has made you... to your best friend.... and his finance... best man is something maybe the ONLY thing the groom gets to decide

[SS8282]

I agree with both Dexter and Sleeps. Rules are rules. Your friend probably would have preferred to you as being the best man.

As for not being allowed to take communion, there are 'steps' in Catholism. Even if you were baptised you still won't be able to take communion until you've taken up the 'study' and gone through the 'passages' so to speak. It's like the graduating driver's license. Here a new driver has to take a written exam, then practice, then the first road test, practice (can drive but with restrictions), then wait another year to take a second road test and then after passing the second test will the the person become fully licensed.

I hope that by not having you as the best man will not ruin the friendship. Perhaps you can play a role in other ways, like being an usher or something.