My Mother has finally been released from her suffering

I know that there are some who do not follow the same faith that my family & I do. It was necessary for me to go into the medical hospital due to the lack of eating that I was experiencing. It is not totally anorexia except that I do not eat. A lot of the time it comes from stress & when I eat, & end up so nauseus that I can't get myself to eat food. As I said previously, I thought I had things under control, but since Thanksgiving with everything that has happened, I have completely lost control. I actually have had a very good sense of releif since I had my Mother put into a nursing home where they took better care of her than in the hospital. In the hospital, I felt the need to be with her 24 hrs a day to be there to talk with her when she needed it & to re-assure her that her suffering was nothing that God was making her go through...

Last Saturday, Jan 8, it was necessary for me to go to the ER room for my GP to have me admitted into the hospital. I spend about 1/2 hour talking with my Mother even though I had no idea she could hear me or comprehend anything I said except for a small squeeze of the hand after telling her that God had his place set for her in heaven which was more beautiful than she could ever imagine & that my Dad was there waiting for her after so many years of being apart. I assured her that she was not supposed to be struggling like she was just to stay alive & that God wanted her to be free to not feel the pain nor have to struggle so hard to stay alive because he wanted her home. I left the nursing home late that night & made the hour drive down to the ER where my GP practices.

I found out a few hours later that 2 hours after I had my conversation with her that she died in her sleep & was assured that she had a peaceful look on her face. I have been in the hospital since then & being the only child, have had to make all the arrangements by myself while trying to recover from the stress I went through during the time abuse time that occured while she was at home. I have had many helpful people who have been working with me & setting up the memorial service & I have been working closly with my pastor to set up the grave side service for family & close friends. The situation that occured with the identity theft had made the funeral more complicated than I ever would have thought it would be, but feelings that arose during that time are ones that I just can't put asside.

I have been making arrangements for making donations rather than giving flowers since I feel that donationa are much more meaningful. I have made arrangements to provide to the nursing home, the hospice care, the Aduld Protective Services, & the Lymphedema association so that more research can be done on the lymphedema that comes from the removal of lymphnodes during female surgeries from breast surgery to the reproductive surgeries.

I am relieved that my Mother is now at peace, but am having a hard time realizing that she is not around for me to talk to her anymore when I have problems that she was always there for me. I am only glad that I was there for her at her last time & seemed to give her permission that she seemed to need to leave this world. I will never forget that small squeeze of her hand when I realized she understood what I was telling her.

There is always sorrow that goes along with the feeling of peace & relief that she is no longer suffering.

I am sure many of you have gone through this, & I realize this, but when it happenes, it seems like you are the only one that it is happening to.

I now understand the feelings that many of you have gone through & I can only say how much I now understand what you have gone through.

Unfortunately, I am not getting better while being in the hospital, & am getting more anemic due to lack of eating. I am sure it will have to get better soon, but it seems harder to get food down without the nausea keeping the food from wanting to go down. I have a psychologist & psychiatrist along with a nurtitionist that is trying to find some kind of food that I will be able to tolerate. I would think that I would now be feeling releif & would be getting better, but my brain is seeming to reject it all at this time. I just do not understand what is going on & why I am not responding to the things I should logically understand. I usually can get myself under control, but am struggling so much more that I should be this time.

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your loss! A mother is so hard to lose.

(((((((((((((((Eskie)))))))))))))))

I am very sorry for your loss.

(((Eskie)))

I am so sorry for your loss. 2 of my friends lost their moms last yr, and it was very hard for both. Their is truly a special bond with one's mother.

I pray that you will soon be eating and feeling better physically, even if your heart is heavy. I hope the dogs and horse are in good hands while you recover.

This is lot for anyone to go through.

Thank you all for your prayers & concern regarding the loss of my Mom. I deeply appreciate your sincere caring & understading. It means a lot to me & I appreciate all of you.

Wisewoman, I am very interested in your theory regarding the lack of eating. I know I was having problems with eating before due to the reoccurance of my anorexia, but I felt like I had it under control & was eating just enough to keep my energy to ride my horses with a vigourous workout. It wasn't until the issue with my mother that I ended up completely not being able to eat any food without getting nauseua to the point where I was afraid to take another bite without feeling like I would get sick to my stomach. Even nausea meds aren't helping, so I can almost relate to the concept that what you suggest may be the cause of the problem. All I know right now is that I have become very anemic. My GP was going to send me home today until he saw the blood test, so now I have no idea what his plans are. I keep trying to eat, but with each bite, I just can't stop feeling sick which is becoming a scary feeling when I am used to being able to control things going on in my mind & life. Thank you for the concept & I will take it into much consideration as to the reason I am having this problem.

Thank you all again for your caring & prayers. It means so much to me & my family. I never knew how hard it was going to be to be an only child along with coming from a long line of only children which included my mother, father, & their parents. One plus is that I have gotten in touch with the family that I have left & am becoming closer with them than my family ever did. There is always something good that comes from something that is not a pleasant situation it you look close enough at it & make something good come from it. I believe that situations are put in our lives to grow from them, make us a better person, & to find a family love that didn't exist before. God always puts a positive situation in the middle of a very serious situation to make us a better person from it all. It just takes a lot of work to get there,

Thank you again for all your caring,
Debbie

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( eskielover )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i am so sorry for your loss. i pray that you will find the peace and wellness needed to be able to eat again soon. my prayers are with you right now.

kd

Kimmy, I couldn't have said it better myself.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Eskie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Ditto to what Kimmy said. You did the right thing as far as your mother is concerned. I'm with you 100% on that.

Adding my prayers to Kimmy's.

my prayers are with you today and tomorrow and as long as you need them. pat

((((((((((Eskie)))))))))) = I am so sorry for your loss, and I am really hoping that you will be more well physically very soon. You are in my prayers!!

(((((((((((((((((((Eskie)))))))))))))))))))

My prayers and deepest condolences go out to you and your family for your loss. Remember we're here if you need us.

Much Love,
Greg

(((((hugs))))))))

Eskie, I know being in the hospital at this time makes the actual phoning and information process of the arrangements tougher, but maybe God put you there so you wouldn't be alone during this process?

You mother's passing is so common among a loving family: they wait till we tell them they don't have to hang on for us...

I can't fully imagine how it must be to be an only child. If it's any consolation, you at least don't have the conflicts that often occur between family members with planning and such. It isn't always love and comfort.

Soon you will realize, I think, that NOW you have your mother to talk to all the time, and she will guide you on your way much better than she did while lying in her sick bed. Her presence, her words, they will be so real for you, I pray.

Now, for you! I know you are having difficulty eating anything, but please be sure to not eat peanuts, spinach, nor black or orange pekoe tea. Those food items bind enzymatically with any iron in your system and throw it out! My own MD had to learn this from me, as my oncologist/hemotologist educated me! I hope you can begin to eat, as your mother would also wish you to become healthy again.. you know... and you can honor her this way too.

God bless you in your struggles.

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