[Fuzzybear]

"Going back to the days of Hammurabi and before, people have hammered out legal codes and posted them on marble slabs. The best codes are the ones that inspire rather than regulate ...The Four Agreements is the ancient Toltec system made popular by Muguel Ruiz in his book of the same name.

These agreements have definite applicability to this group IMNSHO!!

~Be Impeccable With Your Word

Say only what you mean. The word is the most powerful tool we have as humans. Depending upon how it is used, the word can help us to become free or to enslave us. By practicing impeccability, we can clear up communication problems, heal relationships, and create enough personal power to break our old limiting agreements.

~Don't Take Things Personally

Each of us lives in our own personal dream, and what we say, what we do, and the opinions we give come from the agreements that we have in our own minds - they have nothing to do with anyone else. By the same token, others' opinions have nothing to do with us, so there is nothing to take personally. When we make the assumption that whatever happens is because of us, we continue to hurt each other and brood about what we call injustice. A huge amount of freedom is gained when we take nothing personally.

~Don't Make Assumptions

We make assumptions when we think we know what others mean, or when we think they know what we mean. The problem with making all those assumptions is that we believe them as the truth, and we blame others for the assumptions that we make. We must have the courage to ask what another means, and the courage to say what we really mean. The day we STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS (my emphasis) we communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison.

~Always Do Your Best

This agreement makes the other three possible. When we simply do our best - not more and not less - we avoid self-condemnation and we have no regrets. Although our best is always changing, we continually strive to do our best.

~Fuzzy

[SeptemberMorn]

Thank you {{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Mahali]

Fuzzy, No truer words....Thank-you

ty Fuzzette for sharing this with us. Good reminders for us all.

I think a Fuzzette is something I pull off my sweater....

I agree with The Agreements wholeheartedly.

emmy

[nothemama8]

I think these are wonderful, but the one on not taking things personal is soooooooooo hard to do
Angie

Well dear Fuzzette is delicate and light enough to be gently pulled from some warm knit British sweater but I don't think we should go tugging on the bear.
Usually there are signs up during hibernation for bears and bats warning ppl to avoid their caves. lol
Lava Beds National Monument has tons of caves but those bats kept me from exploring more than half because of their precious !

[angel04]

THat is great Fuzzy. Thank you for this post.
((((Fuzzy)))))
Tina

[SeptemberMorn]

Fuzz, I've come back to read and re-read this post of yours. You know? You are SO full of wisdom and you are SO intelligent! You're one wonderful lady!

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Tomi

[Fuzzybear]

yw zh and everyone .....

A hibernating Fuzzette

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Fuzzybear -- I'm glad so many people find wisdom in The Four Agreements. That's really what matters.

I, however, find something sadly missing from the agreements: compassion, mercy, living with an open heart. To me, it is Ayn Rand's "Virtue of Selfishness" dressed up in New Age trappings.

Of course, there are many people who advocate Rand's philosophy. I had many discussions over the course of some 20 years with my beloved late friend Alan on this very topic.

That's my $.02. But what do I know? This book is a best-seller.

[vacantangel]

No truer words have been spoken. I've been working on not taking things personally and not jumping to conclusions. With having virtually no self-esteem, these are very hard to do but totally necessary if you are to avoid feeling hurt unnecessarily. Thanks for posting that.

[Fuzzybear]

I do that all the time too... My former T never mentioned that to me.... or if he did it never got through to my bear brain..... lol. So now I am having to work on my "stuff" with no T being in the UK, grrrrrr !!!!!

Glad my post is of some help!

[whomever]

I have this problem of taking things too personally and have been working on it. My kids are the first to point it out to me but they suffer more than I do and end up verbally attacking me even when what I say has nothing to do with them. So, we all revert back to no communication at all.

[SeptemberMorn]

Ya know? It's been my experience that those of us with mental disabilities tend to think that EVERYTHING is about US. Each one of us becomes the center of the universe. Everybody is staring at us, everybody is laughing at us or judging us in some way or another. I've been there myself far too many times to want to remember! That is... until my T gave me a little gem to hold onto, being that I'm selfish by nature. LOL She told me I was giving away my power to all the imaginary judgments. People in general and too self-centered to pick on person out of a group and pass any kind of judgement. What made me think that I was so dang important or weird that people would stop what they were doing to even look at me?? IF, by chance, someone did that, what do I care? I don't know them! What they think doesn't matter to me!

In short, I was allowing a great big bunch of strangers to control me by worrying about what they probably weren't even thinking! In reality, it's us that put limitations on ourselves with our own thinking. ARGH! Don't you just love it?

On of my teachers in grade school or high school one, I don't remember when, quoted, I think Abraham Lincoln. He said "You can't please all of the people all of the time." At the time, I felt as if I couldn't please ANYONE at ANY TIME, so I clung to that quotation. It took me almost a lifetime to realize that the only one I had to please was ME... and through respect and consideration, my loved ones, but there are limits to that, too; healthy personal boundaries. It's definitely a journey. Sometimes a long, bumpy one. That's why I'm so thankful for this loving, understanding community.