[seeker1950]

Thank you all who gave me feedback on the issue I had with Thomas, the troubled student, and my confrontation with him on Friday. I spent a lot of time thinking about Thomas and the whole group of 8th graders in that class over the weekend. Also pondering the feedback I got here. It helped me put things in perspective, and I actually couldn't wait this morning to get to school to resolve this.

I checked the attendance roster and discovered that Thomas had been assigned to ISS (In School Suspension)...not by me or anything to do with me, but also no surprise, since the truth is none of the teachers like him and his disruptions, lack of motivation. I went to the ISS teacher at the time for the 8th grade class and pulled Thomas out of there to attend my class. When they were all gathered, I stood up to make my little speech, telling them that I had spent a lot of time thinking about them and the projects in which I hoped to engage and motivated them. Then I addressed the situation which occurred on Friday with Thomas, and looking at him as well as the entire class, I did apologize to Thomas for allowing the situation to escalate as it did. Also explaining that I too am human, but as their teacher, I was responsible. I then explained to them that in my thoughts for the Art class, I had come up with a project I hoped they would all enjoy...designing snowboard art. They were very enthusiastic, and the class went well. A model class today, and I believe in my heart they were impressed and moved by the address I gave to them and the apology. I'm hoping I can maintain this momentum with them. It's a difficult group, but they did good work today. I think Thomas was especially moved. I did ask if anyone wanted to say anything, especially Thomas, but none responded. I think they were dumbstruck and speechless, LOL!
Thanks again, dear PC friends for giving me the support and feedback I needed in my often difficult job!
Love
Patty

[notz]

Patty - Star Teacher Rocks!

[eskielover]

Patty,

Sounds like you handled the situation very well (perfect). It is tough when you want to appologize for part of a situation without giving the other person a feeling that they were completely right & had no responsibility in the situation either.....especially with kids that age. Finding just the right words is very difficult but it sounds like the right words were used & the right action (allowing it to escalate out of control) was what the appology was limited to.

I didn't have a chance to read your previous post until after I read this one....wanted to know what had happened. It is wonderful to have a group like PC here to run thoughts through & to get feedback & ideas on how others might handle the situation themselves. I find that putting many thoughts together with my own feelings can definitely help come up with the right solution.

I think when we go through situations like this, it deepens respect all around, making for an even richer environment for learning. You are such a wonderful, sensitive teacher.....it is sad that you get pushed into situations like this by students who could care less about anything......but this may also end up being a turning point in this boys life seeing how you handled this.....he may end up with some hidden respect for others show up after this.....we never know why things happen, but when they are handled with wisdom in a good way, usually good will come from them.

This apology was definitely a win on your side,
Debbie

[AAAAA]

It sounds like you handled the situation beautifully, way to go!

[seeker1950]

Thank you, Notz and Debbie...
Notz...LOL, "star teacher" I am not, but I do try. I often find myself very tired, and admittedly just putting in my time. This is primarily due to my age (58), lack of funds for projects and always having to make do, and also to the poor attitude of students.

In truth, NO teacher likes Thomas. He is really a very unlikable kid. I called my principal early, like 7:30 a.m. on Saturday morning, to acknowledge to her that I had been at fault in the way I handled the Thomas situation, to which she generously replied, "Well, he really is an unlikable kid." And that she understood. I even asked her if I should call Thomas' mother to talk to her "as a mother." His parents just divorced and she is left to care for him. I didn't call, and maybe that is best, but I did the best I could today, and he was a model student , apparently appreciating that I brought him out of ISS to participate in the Art class as well as hear my little apology.

One thing he said during the conference in the assistant principal's office last Friday was, "I'm a person!" That's about as eloquent as he could be in trying to defend himself in the way he behaved and the way I behaved.

I'm hoping things will go more smoothly for the remainder of the 9 weeks I have him in my class.

Thanks again,
Patty

[notz]

Patty,

You may not always feel like a Star Teacher...but you were one today! You may never know it in a tangible way but YOU made a difference on this day. That boy caught a fantastic break with the gracious and professional way you took lemons and made lemonade!

May as well reel him on in now that you've got 'em on the hook! He could use a little wink from you every now and again. Give him a little measured responsibility and see what happens. Don't expect too much but don't let him off that hook! Better to have a willing participant for the next 9 weeks rather than a surly, disruptive, hormone raging adolescent.

notz

[nowheretorun]

i had no doubts in you ((Patty)))

very proud of you (seeker))))))))))))))

[KathyM]

((Seeker))

Pfffft.....are we gonna have to start calling you "Founder" now?

Way to go, teach.

awww you know what???

I was that student.... to some degree anyways. I was always skipping off to go smoke pot, never paid attention, spent most of my classes distracting the hell out of everyone and lashed out at teachers.

Until one class, I was having a particularly hard time.. and the teacher threw me out of class. Well that was fine with me, I just went and smoked cigarettes with the rest of the "losers" behind the school.

But she came and found me later in the day, took me into her office and told me she knew what was going on in my home life(was going to court against my adopted "father", plus got pulled into the care system for being abused amongst other things.

At this point I was at the point where if i didn't buck up I would have failed the year.. it was english.

Well, she managed to come up with a special project for me, I dont know HOW she managed to pull this off, but she had me do an anthology of written work, because she knew I was an extremely skilled writer for my age. And it was the most FUN I ever had doing that project.. writing poems, short stories, all kinds of stuff which was creative and illustrations too.

It ended up saving me that year, I still unfortunately did not pass the year, but having those final months to focus on such a project was wonderfull.. and let me tell you I made it to EVERY class in english after that. Sadly, the rest of the teachers wrote me off..

I truly hopes this works for you.

[madisgram]

patty, you rose above the situation and conducted yourself beautifully. u may have touched more than one heart in that class when u did what u did. i know your job is extremely challenging working with kids that have behavioral problems but in all honesty you've "found" your calling.i am sure you will never know just how many students have turned out all right just by their association with you. your story is inspiring.great job, "teach"!!!!

[Taonuviel]

Wow. That's really special. Teenagers are so hard... but a lot of them just need the right sort of attention. You really are a good teacher, it takes a special one to go out of the way for a problem kid.

(My initial reaction to the other post was he needed some old-fashioned corporal punishment! I think I've lost some of my patience - of course what he really needs is some logical, patient intervention.)

[seeker1950]

Thanks to all of you who responded since my last post in this thread. AAAA, I think you must have been responding just as I was writing yesterday, as I missed acknowledging you with my response!

It means a lot to me that i can come here and get honest feedback. Y'all are special people and I consider you good friends.
Love
Patty

Hi Seeker,

I think you did a very special thing for that young man, he may not show his appreciation, he may not even know how. Sometimes so many of us get caught up in children behaviors, that we forgot that there may be a real reason they are acting out. They need love and understanding just like everyone else, and if he is known as the "bad kid" by all of his teachers, he will just give up because it will feel like everyone is against him.

I didn't act out in school, but my brother did a lot. He even kicked his kindergarten teacher and bit the ear of another child in that class. He was a "bad" kid but nobody knew the real reason. He was modeling what was happening in his home, he was abused, actually tortured by our mom, and was threatened with his life if he ever told. He didn't, I didn't.

For both of us, we had teachers in our lives that made a huge difference, perhaps some even gave us love and attention we so desperately needed. My brother died last year due to complications of child abuse he received earlier in his life, he was 36. All he wanted was love, but he was never taught how to act right, he wasn't loved or accepted by his own mother.

I work at a state juvenile center for boys, and it is so sad that a lot of them actually want to stay there. They are fed, clothed, schooled, and are safer than a lot of their home environments. They act all tough on the outside, but they are hurting in so many ways. Sure, a lot of people say what they need is a good spanking, but the truth is, all they need is someone to care, and all they need is to matter.

You did something different than a lot of other teachers would, and I am sure he will never forget you for that. I know I will never forgot a lot of my teachers (mothers) in my life. Keep doing a good job, you are an angel, even if you aren't acknowledged near enough as you should be.

Hi Seeker,

Wow, I just read both your threads . You mentioned this student was drawn to you because of your gifts of wisdom and acceptance and inutuition which I know you have . When I go through trials such as these and wonder why is it I have to do the amend making , even though I know I can only moderate myself , a small voice comes on in and says .

They needed a teacher .

And seeker . YOU delivered BIG time .

We all make mistakes and they sneack up on us in different senarios again and again. Fortunately theres a way that always works . You overcame pride which is so hard to do. well done .

Thank you

Patricia

oh PS,,, i feel for this student who EVeRY teacher sees him as a "problem "

Remembering Kathys post how people blossom when you treat them see them as if they are a model student. There is always something positive that someone is doing . And how they light up when you let them know you know.

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Exotic and Auroralso...
I've only told a couple of my coworkers about the way I handled Thomas. I was sharing this today with two of my team members, two music teachers. I think they disapproved. There is this "us vs. them" attitude regarding students like Thomas. One sat there as i was telling them, with this "hmmph" frown on her face and said nothing. The other said she too gets frustrated and does similar things, but has never apologized as I did. I think it's best not to share this with any other teachers from now on.

I have had a good week with Thomas and this difficult class. There is another boy in the class, also BD (behavior disorder) student. He is the other one who said they would "hustle" for a living during my confrontation with Thomas. This same boy has mentioned for two weeks now that he has a bad toothache. No one in his family will take him to the dentist. I spoke to the counselor and principals about him and the tooth condition. They told me he is often hungry, lives with two cousins who don't work and who only took him in because he gets a little bit of money from some sort of child welfare since he has no parents. I asked the principals if there was some kind of fund which would allow me to take him to the dentist. I said, and I meant it..."If you have a pet that's hurting, you take him to the vet!" This boy isn't even getting the attention of an animal. Anyway, this same boy has done the most beautiful art work this past week. I went to the In School Suspension room today and pulled him out to come to my class. Like Thomas, teachers just want to get him out of their classes. As he was leaving the classroom, I said "thank you" to him for doing such nice work, and he said, "Thank YOU for bringing me in here!" I'm thinking child protective services should be contacted regarding this boy and the neglect he's experiencing, but, as usual, this will probably not happen.
Patty