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Member Since: Aug 2022
Location: New Zealand
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Old Feb 11, 2023 at 05:48 AM
So I've seen my therapist roughly maybe 2 years now. Before I had a other therapist but was discharged by the public mental health system that is supported by the goverment for citizens in my country ,so basically you can get free therapy under certain conditions.

My daignosed is OCD and traits of BPD.
Before I was discharged by my pervious therapist she told me it sounds like traits of PSTD.

My current therapist recommend EMDR therapy for me because I have this HUGE fear of working.

I've had bad experience working and being let off or your "not capable at this job" kind of thing.
It came to a crushing point for me when I was working at a libraby job where my mum worked at and I was so traumaised I can't work now.
I try to work early last year and got a job as a libraby assistance at a University but after I got home that 1 day I just exploded in tears and had tension headache. I couldn't do the job and left.
I thought oh maybe that's because it was libraby job and it just triggered the pervious job I did which was libraby.

Well I was wrong, during mid of last year I got a job at a print art place, and the manager was lovely so were the people. I mean the manager brought us takaways for lunch.
Well I got home after work and again cried till 1am in the morning I kept having flash backs what happened at the libraby with my mum working there.
So I left the job

That's when the the therapist said okay let's try and do EMDR therapy.
I asked her how many clients she has worked in she said 4 a example she said was a client who was in a car accident and couldn't drive but now he can.

So we basically focus on the earliest memory which was at school.

First session was okay I felt terid and exhausted I had a nightmare well a few but not too upsetting and random memories during the days. The memories slowly stopped poping up during the days.

My second session
Was okay and had random memories at school. Basically people bullying me and being judge by them and realised I blame myself but they were the one with the problems and just werido friends well toxic friends.

My therapist thought it was justify for me to feel a bit angry and she decided not to do light stream mindfullness with me that she did last time.

Well...the next day. I did had a nightmare related to my current partner leaving me because his mum wanted him too and him going inside a kindergarten. Next I was in a car in the passager seat and my mum was driving. I try to control the gear stick and put it to Park to stop the car and I can go after my partner.
That was the dream.

So is my question. Has a song triggered you? after EMDR therapy?

This is what happened to me. I was driving to the gym and drove the same route many times before. Suddenly I had pictures in my mind vidi memories of catching the school bus to school.
Some were random and others sad for example seeing this dead ginger cat on the road once.

Then as I got closer to the gym this song came on. This song is fairly new so 2011. Anyway I began to cry it brought up all these sad feelings when my dad left my mum,sister and I.
I've never had this before.

It happened again today in the car going to supermarket and a different song came on and trigger it , my dad leaving and then the funeral of my grandad.

Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head!
I try listening to a song I enjoy on repeat 10 times. I try to put the song in the container mindfullness work once but now it doesn't.

Is this normal? I'm kinda afarid to go to therapy now.

I only see my therapist every 2 weeks.
Though I can email her, it's just the weekend now and she doesn't reply on the weeknd.So.... it's like ugh!!! what do I do? am I the only one who experience this with music after EMDR therapy? is this normal?

Last edited by AppleLime; Feb 11, 2023 at 06:17 AM..
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Old Feb 23, 2023 at 10:24 AM
for me the only thing that gets me through the day is music. i need my radio app almost all day long and i play piano and am learning flute. when im practicing music the songs i play which are mostly classical, remind me of being a kid and practicing which makes me happy. sometimes when i hear a song on the radio i do have bad memories but i can always turn it off. i do like the radio too because the music is mostly all positive, and i can even get into music from 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's plus all the rest. the older music is very therapeutic for me because it also brings up good memories of friends who have passed away and memories of living friends. it is like an all day party.
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