I probably need emergency care but I am too scared and ****ed up to go

None of this is going to make sense.

I think I need emergency care but I don’t know where to go. If I go local I’m afraid my family will find out and my privacy will wind up being violated. I’ll be screwed anyway.

If I go to another place I have been at before they will say it’s borderline, prescribe me sleeping pills and tell me to relax and exercise more. I used to be a D1 athlete and I exercise daily.

Another doctor who spent 4 hours going over my history says bipolar II; yet my family doctor says I don’t seem bipolar.

At this point I don’t know. I just feel useless. I hate my life. It’s a complete failure and I feel to blame. I feel barely functional when I do work, and like I am always fighting off panic attacks, even with my antidepressant.

The meds I take sort of help me sleep but they do nothing else. I have been smoking weed very occasionally to take the edge off.

I don’t want to be homeless but I might wind up there. I have no confidence in my future. It’s like everybody progressed without me. I am feeling so lost and trapped.

I’m going in useless circles.

I am so sorry you are in the situation you describe. How heartbreaking!

A psychiatrist once told me that one reaches the point where one is wondering whether one should go for emergency treatment, that IS the time to go for it and before it spirals out of control.

Since I am not in your shoes, I am unable to give you the practical steps you should take. Don't know the whole situation that you outlined.

If you are having suicidal thoughts it is definitely time to go to the emergency department of a hospital. Do you have a psychotherapist and/or psychiatrist you can lean on for professional advice?

My heart goes out to you and I hope you will be okay. I have hit bottom before so I can definitely identify with you.

I think I am better. Just very exhausted and some of that makes sense. I feel so very stuck.

Do you have any self-soothing activities (watch tv or movies, listen to podcasts, draw, go for a walk, take a bath, hum, meditate, do yoga, go for a run, take a shower, read a book, draw or paint or take photos,) that you could do to distract yourself through this episode of panic?

I am sorry to read that you are feeling stuck and hopeless. I have read a lot online about how different health conditions can mimic mental illness.

If you aren't borderline or bipolar, maybe you have mast cell activation or some type of immune system dysfunction brought on by low vitamins or minerals or something like that? Something that isn't a mental illness but a physical illness that mimics panic attacks, etc. There is more research that this is what's actually happening to some people who are misdiagnosed with a mental illness when that isn't what they actually have...

I can feel your frustration about what is happening to you. All I can offer is to try to do some self-soothing activities even if its only for 10 minutes.

Mast cell activation sounds like a no for me. It’s not physical. I’m taking an antihistamine as well.

I have minor allergies from time to time but nothing coincides.

This is something that has been happening on and off since my early teens. Life stressor happens and I lose my ****.

My sense of panic and dread has been consistent for almost 15 years now. It came on in my 30’s and I have had moments of calm but it just keeps getting worse and I feel like I don’t connect well with my environment as a result.

My stress tolerance has been low and my partner was stressing me out, and I broke up with him over it (wasn’t for an illogical reason either).

My stress tolerance is low. I’m on the verge of being homeless.

Too much is happening and I feel isolated and unable to control my environment, and I’m cash strapped.

If you need emergency care, go get it. The docs have to legally keep everything confidential. You don't have to tell anyone where you were at/what kind of treatment you received or are receiving.

I talked to a crisis line. I think I am struggling with feeling burnt out. My job just feels defeating and like there is no reward. I got paid, after being told good job for a successful week. It's like I have nothing to show for all that effort. no money left to even really grocery shop, pay for gas, bills etc.

Boss wants me to come into my job. on what freaking money?

I just wanted to update. Quit smoking weed. Started reading more and continue meditating as I find I get relief from that.

Still kind of sad, but coping. Managed to get a new job that is completely remote.

I'm glad you called the crisis line even if it didn't solve anything. It sounds like you're making major life improvements though, so that's great