[SunAngel]

Our black English Cocker Spaniel, Martin, got cancer in his leg and we just had found out and, by that time, it had spread throughout his body.

Two weeks ago, we took him to go to Rainbow Ridge, and we just are having the roughest time dealing with this, and his loss has made this house feel so empty.

We have his ashes in an urn with his picture on, and also got his paw print casted in clay.

Everytime I look at his paw print, I kiss it and cry my eyes out. My husband had not been the same since. We have another dog, a beagle, who is our only dog now.

How do you deal with such a loss?

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by SunAngel

Our black English Cocker Spaniel, Martin, got cancer in his leg and we just had found out and, by that time, it had spread throughout his body. Two weeks ago, we took him to go to Rainbow Ridge, and we just are having the roughest time dealing with this, and his loss has made this house feel so empty. We have his ashes in an urn with his picture on, and also got his paw print casted in clay. Everytime I look at his paw print, I kiss it and cry my eyes out. My husband had not been the same since. We have another dog, a beagle, who is our only dog now. How do you deal with such a loss?

Dear SunAngel,

I know what you're writing about. We too have recently suffered the loss of an old, long-term animal friend. For us, our animals are our children, of which we have none. It's very hard. My wife thinks and broods about Sylvester's death all the time. I try to limit my grief to the evening and for the rest of the day willfully shut it out of my mind. That can be done, you know. Nor is it a sign of hardness of heart or lack of empathy. There are simply things that have to be done with which being emotionally overcome isn't compatible. I think you might be able to make things somewhat easier on yourself if you too limited your grief to a particular time of day devoted to thinking of your lost little friend. Say, an hour after dinner. Or an hour before dinner if you want to lose weight (thinking about him does take my appetite away).

Our little guy, Sylvester, had been with us for many years. He was our only consistently frightened and lonely animal (must have had a very bad kittenhood, I think). He was my favorite (we have 4) and I tried especially hard to calm his fears and his loneliness. Many people might think that I've really overdone things in an anthropomorphic sort of way as relates to Sylvester being frightened and lonely. I don't think so at all. If you wonder about that in relation to your own pets, I'd strongly suggest that you read the following paperback book: "The Emotional Lives of Animals: A Leading Scientist Explores Animal Joy, Sorrow, and Empathy - and Why They Matter" by Marc Bekoff. Four and a half stars at Amazon. The scientists, apparently, are slowly learning the truth that we animal people have known forever: in many respects the little guys are very like us, particularly as regards emotions.

I do hope you recover as soon as possible. I KNOW you will ultimately recover. But your feelings for your small friend reflect well on you. Animal people are the best people. Take care!

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry for your loss!

[Rohag]

That pain has its own path. Martin will always be present with you. Thank you for giving him a loving home.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my little girl 2 days ago, so I know your pain. I also lost her brother 5 years ago. It sounds trite but time does heal. I think both of us are thinking only about our pain and that colors our memories. We think we should have done more and we gave up too soon. We think we should have let them go sooner and they suffered too much. We see their empty bed or their water bowl and we only think about their final days and how terrible it likely was for you and them.

I don't think you ever really get over it. I think with time the bad memories fade and all the good ones remain. I think that's as close to getting over it we'll get. I know how terrible the last week was for my girl. But I'm trying my hardest to remember all of the fun times we had together. And how much she meant to me. She meant enough to me to let her go.

Martin is in a better place and you showed him the most love you could ever show by letting him go. He's now playing with the other puppies. Running and barking in the sunshine. He would not have wanted you to mourn him too long.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Martin was very lucky to have you for parents.

[Queen of Chaos]

I've had this old poem for a long time. I hope it brings a sense of peace to you the way it has to be.

I'm Here…

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peek.
I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,I’m here,
"It’s me, I haven’t left you. I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you that I’m not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said, "It’s me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It’s possible for me to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew…
in the stillness of each evening, I am very close to you.

The day is over…I smile and watch you yawning
and say "Good night, God bless…I’ll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out…
then come home to be with me.
　

[Soul Quake]

I'm not sure if there's ever a point where someone can "get over" the loss of a beloved pet. What can be done, is to move past the grief, with of course, time.

I've had to come to terms with a [formerly] insurmountable amount a grief concerning my now deceased neglected dog (neglected by my parents when I was a child). I won't go into detail, as it is triggering. The point is, while I will always be upset, not only of her death, but how she was treated in life, I have, to an extent moved beyond the grief. It is not as agonizing. So, if I can come to terms with the pain, I'm optimistic that you will too. Just try to find the silver lining. Maybe there doesn't seem to be one now, maybe eventually it will show itself.

In the meantime, give extra hugs to your beagle.

[Fresia]

I am so sorry for your loss!

When my lab turned up lame one day, turned out it was bone cancer in his shoulder and he rapidly went downhill from there. It was so sudden. I fought his loss out of the shock. What was advised was not to push the grief away, let it happen and with time, the episodes lessened. Be extra kind to yourself and your husband right now. Also your Beagle will miss your beloved Martin as well so as be sure to devote yourself to him/her in the interim, which will also help ease some of the loss. My heart still aches but not with the regular emotional outbursts that I used to have thanks to the time, and allowing myself to feel it and not squash it as painful as it is and can be even now. Hang in there and be kind to yourselves. Again, I am so sorry for your loss, rest in peace Martin.

[choocha]

[quote=SunAngel;2009554]Our black English Cocker Spaniel, Martin, got cancer in his leg and we just had found out and, by that time, it had spread throughout his body.

Two weeks ago, we took him to go to Rainbow Ridge, and we just are having the roughest time dealing with this, and his loss has made this house feel so empty.

We have his ashes in an urn with his picture on, and also got his paw print casted in clay.

Everytime I look at his paw print, I kiss it and cry my eyes out. My husband had not been the same since. We have another dog, a beagle, who is our only dog now.

I feel for you & your husband over Martin's passing. I'm still grieving over the death of my cat, Dude, who passed away suddenly a year ago in June. The pain was so great I didn't think I could go on. His death was the 1st time I'd ever lost someone I loved. I nearly gave my four other pets away because I couldn't stomach the thought of them dying as well. In answer to your question, I don't think you ever do get over it. The pain just eases a little. I have found the two things which helped me the most were the passing of time & having other pets around me. Another important thing is to allow yourself to grieve. Don't let anyone make you feel like an idiot for feeling so sad over the death of "just a dog". The love was real, the pain is real. Let yourself cry if you need to. The memorial, with ashes etc is a good idea too. I put up extra pics of Dude around the house also. I hope your pain subsides soon xx

[choocha]

[quote=choocha;2010476]

Originally Posted by SunAngel

Our black English Cocker Spaniel, Martin, got cancer in his leg and we just had found out and, by that time, it had spread throughout his body.

Two weeks ago, we took him to go to Rainbow Ridge, and we just are having the roughest time dealing with this, and his loss has made this house feel so empty.

We have his ashes in an urn with his picture on, and also got his paw print casted in clay.

Everytime I look at his paw print, I kiss it and cry my eyes out. My husband had not been the same since. We have another dog, a beagle, who is our only dog now.

I feel for you & your husband over Martin's passing. I'm still grieving over the death of my cat, Dude, who passed away suddenly a year ago in June. The pain was so great I didn't think I could go on. His death was the 1st time I'd ever lost someone I loved. I nearly gave my four other pets away because I couldn't stomach the thought of them dying as well. In answer to your question, I don't think you ever do get over it. The pain just eases a little. I have found the two things which helped me the most were the passing of time & having other pets around me. Another important thing is to allow yourself to grieve. Don't let anyone make you feel like an idiot for feeling so sad over the death of "just a dog". The love was real, the pain is real. Let yourself cry if you need to. The memorial, with ashes etc is a good idea too. I put up extra pics of Dude around the house also. I hope your pain subsides soon xx

Oops, messed last msg up a bit. Sorry folks. hehe

[popeye]

We lost our mini pin(sunny) about 2 weeks ago...the house is much different now. We usually have 3 dogs but are down to one now. I really miss sunny. I buried her in our yard and put a plant there. We now have 5 dogs burried in our back yard. I keep asking my wife about getting another pitbull(we lost one last year). I can not tell you what she said. I really want another dog to keep our dachsund company.

[AAAAA]

I am so sorry for your loss. In my experience you deal with it like any other loss of a loved one. You cherish the loving memories and be grateful that they are no longer in pain.

Hey SunAngel! How are you and your husband today? Is the pain subsiding a little? I miss my little girl immensely but I'm going to bring another dog home soon.

Wishing you happiness today!

[eskielover]

I lost Chinook at the beginning of July & the tears still come when I think about him....I had 6 american eskimo dogs, now I have 5. It was interesting how they all came around me after loosing him to give me comfort. Chinook had been blind for several years & I couldn't let him be with the other dogs because he would get in a fight trying to protect himself from what he couldn't see. I was his seeing eyes & he was my lap puppy even at the age of 13. He was my pick of Destiny's first litter & always one of my favorite puppies..my wolly little teddy bear.

Don't think we ever get over the loss of our of our furry children....they are family & have the same place in our hearts....it's just the way it is with people who love animals. It's important to accept that the grief is real & there is nothing wrong with feeling that way....it just says how much love you had for Martin. The more we care the more it hurts to loose them......I wouldn't change the caring love one bit in order to stop the pain. That feeling of love for our pets is to me one of the most wonderful feelings I have ever experienced because it's complete unconditional love that they give to us & I know I give back to them.

I lost my first eskie Excell 4 years ago & it was my fault that he died which still makes me feel even worse..but now I am even more protective & careful with everything I do with my babies. Don't think I ever get over the death of either of my eskies, but time does pass & I am involved in things where my thoughts are not constantly on my loss....but it doesn't mean that the loss isn't remembered or felt any less...but remembering the good times & the love helps soften the grief.

Originally Posted by eskielover

I wouldn't change the caring love one bit in order to stop the pain.

Completely agree!

[Open Eyes]

That was a wonder poem Queen of Chaos. I lost a pony due to that bout with my neighbor's dog. I had her for many years and she and I did so much together. It was a very hard day when I lost the battle trying to save her. I could truely see that she was not only frightened but concerned about me. They are so amazing and I know they have emotions and do love.

The one thing I would suggest for you is to go out and find a puppy, would be nice if it was a black English Cocker Spaniel. If you have loved an animal as much as you have you deserve to love another one. And another one deserves the kind of love you have to offer.

Think about it.

Open Eyes

[SunAngel]

Thank you all so much.

Queen, I copied and pasted your poem onto my PC. Thanks so much for that.

I have BP Disorder, and saw my pdoc yesterday and I was totally manic and have been since it happened. She told me that when BP people have a great loss, their brains go into overdrive so we will not be able to feel the depression that goes along with losing Martin. However, yesterday, she made me calm down and talk about it. I cried like a baby, then went into mania again. It is a person with BP Disorder's way of dealing with a loss.

My husband still hasn't cried because he said he wasn't ready to. He gets teary all the time though and I am way up. The part I find difficult is when I up alone at night. I look at his ashes and his paw print and start to cry. I am manic to deal with it during the day, but give myself time to grieve at night.

God, we miss him so much.