[LiteraryLark]

TL;DR How do I convince my snake-phobic parents to let me keep a snake?

Not sure why but I'm going to make this a long story, so bear with me...

I'm turning 23 next month and still live at home. I work minimum wage but I have enough money to spend for myself, pay for gas, and *attempt* to save a little (which is difficult for me as an impulsive shopper).

For years I've wanted a pet snake. When I was in 8th grade my teacher gave me a snake to take home but it died the next day. After an hour of crying, my parents felt so bad that we went to Petco and bought another snake. It was a gorgeous baby cornsnake that I named Jonesy. The problem at the time was, I had severe anxiety and an extreme germ phobia that even after handling the snake or it's food for a few minutes I'd have to scrub my hands and arms for fifteen minutes and then shower, and it got to the point where I couldn't stand feeding it or holding it and it became aggressive and we gave it up to a local reptile rescue.

So for a long time, that became one of the main reasons why my parents wouldn't let me keep another snake. "No Lark, look at what happened last time. You couldn't take care of it. No more pets."

But if you knew me, you would know that snakes are my PASSION. My parents always told the story of my up close and personal encounter with a rattlesnake when I was two years old, and I've grown up holding and chasing after snakes.

Here's a couple photos I took face-to-face with a rattlesnake in 2008, I was 15 and within striking distance (about arms length away).





Anywho...I love snakes and I regret not taking better care of the snake I had. But since then, I've grown out of my germ phobia (mostly) and I do a good job with taking care of the pets I have. I have a cat and 8 betta fish. I think I bought a fish for every time my parents said no more pets. :P My parents don't mind fish. They're pretty, and there's no sense of loss when they die. My mom recently adopted a stray kitten and we also have a 9 year old dog. So the house is a little crowded, but I'd still really like a pet snake. I know how to take care of them and handle them. But my parents, my dad especially, are terrified of snakes. I remember when I had Jonesy, the cage we bought at PetCo wasn't very good and the snake would frequently escape, and a couple times he went into my parents bedroom while they were sleeping! Obviously, that wouldn't be a problem this time, but I need to find a convincing argument to let me have one.

Well...

I turn 23 next month and I have a job that would be able to care for a snake.

If my parents say "You don't have a place in your room for one!" (a lie, even though 99% of the time it's a mess), we have a spare empty bedroom.

They're scared of snakes, but they let me have one before!

"I couldn't take care of one before"....I am NOT the person I was before! I am now responsible enough to care for one!

I don't know of any other arguments I can use...got any ideas?

[unaluna]

Their question coming back at you may be, its their house, why should they have to live with a snake if they dont want to?

Can you get your snake fix some other way? Work part time at a snake store? Volunteer at the zoo?

Im not trying to be difficult, just trying to think outside the box. To either get your wants met another way, or to come up / be ready with answers to their arguments.

Good luck!

Btw, i lived with a big ol snake for a while. It liked to escape my bf's room and hide under the little couch in my room after it ate. Cant say i was happy about it.

[LiteraryLark]

I just sent an email to the Reptile Rescue where I gave up my previous snake about volunteer work. Thanks for the idea, but I'd really like to have a snake of my own.

[lizardlady]

Lark, if your dad is that scared of snakes is it really fair to ask him to allow one to live in his house? You might have to wait until you get your own place to have a snake. I'm speaking from personal experience. My Mom was terrified of snakes. We couldn't even use the word "snake" around her or she'd have nightmares. They were referred to as "legless lizards" in our house.

When I moved out and got a place of my own I got a couple of snakes. They lived in an aquarium in the living room. The aquarium got moved to the bedroom when Mom came to visit. To me it was a courtesy to my Mom.

The idea of volunteering at the snake rescue place sounds like a good way of getting your snake fix while not upsetting your folks.

[Fresia]

I would be hard pressed to suggest that you try to convince someone who has a fear that they should have that fear living daily in their home. I am so sorry to say on one hand because I know this is important to you.

My folks had a fear of snakes, especially my Dad as he was bitten by a diamond back rattler in his teens and almost died. He actually tried to overcome his fear to let me have a ribbon snake but it didn't last, I had to rehome him. It was such torture for him, I could not bare to put them through it anymore and it was hard for me too letting it go as I share that love for them with you. It would be worse to bring something home and have to give it up again, OR even, heaven forbid, to have something happen to further traumatize you folks and in the meantime torturing your family just by its existence.

As the above posters suggest, while you are under their roof, it is best to abide by their wishes. Working in a rescue organization, pet store, or zoo is truly a wonderful way to be with them, learn more, and then when have your own place, you will know more as well to have one of your own with peace of mind for everyone.

I had a pet snake once. I had the man on the farm give it to me in a shoe box. Mom opened it up, saw the gardner snake and went into a heart palpitation. I had to put it in an aquarium and keep it in the garage. I had 2 snakes actually. I feed them live flies, mice, etc. After a while i let them go in the garden. Mom went to pick some vegetables and slipped one through her hands. She went into another heart palpitation. All i can say is it is not fair to our parents to do like what i did or you want to do. As long as you live under their roof you must abide by their laws cause they provide a roof over your head and meals on the table. If you love snakes that much, you will want to sponsor one even at work... or at school in the science lab... or at a friends house.... tc

If my daughter wanted a snake I would say no. I have a phobia of them.

[LiteraryLark]

Neither of my parents are that dramatically phobic or traumatized by snakes. However, my dad said he sometimes has nightmares about snakes. Also, isn't rather selfish to say you can't have a pet because of your own phobias? My dad is scared of dogs but that never stopped him from letting his room mates have dogs growing up nor did it stop him from letting my family have dogs. And then again, he is scared of snakes but it didn't stop him from letting me have one before.

An argument I can use is that they are extremely therapeutic for me. Sure, they're not affectionate nor do they cuddle, but the feeling of a snake weaving through my fingers and being close makes me feel so calm and almost entranced. Despite my previous phobias, I felt like I could just hold them for hours and be calm and still. Yes, I have two cats and a dog, but ironically enough they don't give me the same therapeutic feeling as snakes do.

Another argument to have is that snakes are extremely low maintenance pets, unlike cats and dogs. Cats and dogs need to be potty trained, house trained, socialized, fed once or twice daily, take regular trips which are effing expensive, and if you're one of those pet owners you clean their teeth, clip their toenails, give them baths on a regular basis, brush their coats, and dress them up in outfits. Snakes are easy: feed them once or twice a week, keep their environment clean and have their water accessible, handle them regularly, give them a bath when they shed, and they are happy....and they stay in a cage in my room!

I think if I got another chance to keep a snake, I'd buy a heat lamp (I couldn't afford one last time) and a cage that is escape-proof. I think that was Petco's fault for selling a cheap cage (again, I could only afford the cheapest cage) and it escaped on a few occasions. I think if I could have a snake now I'd be more responsible with handling it on a regular basis. I just need a solid argument to convince my parents that, well, if it stays in my room and I'm the only one who handles it, and they let me have one before, why the heck not?

[(JD)]

You know? You're 23 and still living at home (for whatever reasons)... and it's still THEIR home .... don't push the snake thing.... the arrangements for your living aren't worth losing over a want like that IMO.

(I slept in the car one night when my young son caught a tiny ring neck and lost it in the house... but as a child I hypnotized those little snakes all the time!)

Be a good daughter and don't ask them again?

[Artchic528]

You claim your dad doesn't have a phobia of snakes yet also say they give him nightmares? Sounds like a veritable phobia to me.

As per your question regarding immaturity, it's actually more immature to constantly argue their decision to not allow a snake into their home. They pay the bills and the mortgage, so they are entitled to say what happens under their roof.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this, you're going to have to respect their authority on this one. They said no and you should leave it at that and act like a mature adult about it.

Like others have said, they're housing and feeding you (for free presumably), so I would be polite and respectful of them and their generosity.

[lizardlady]

Directed at Artchic's post.

[LiteraryLark]

If you're THAT phobic of snakes where you can't listen to my argument, I don't want to hear your "perspective". I made the exact same post last year about wanting a cat, preparing my own arguments like I did here almost word per word, and I was well received. However, I bring up the same argument about a snake, everyone loses their effing minds! What makes you think I am pressing this argument with my parents? I haven't said a word to them about it! I came here to prepare a well rounded proposition so my parents and I can discuss it like adults. I'd much rather hear the perspective from someone who owns snakes or knows something about snake handling and care.

Here is the post I made about wanting to get a cat...same argument, different animal.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/our-p...s-new-cat.html

[LiteraryLark]

I've never pressed my parents about getting a snake. We've never had a serious conversation about it. When I go to Petco or the herpetology booth at the Wednesday Night Market I'll send pictures of me holding the snakes. It's no different than adopting any other pet, so I shouldn't have to be defensive about it. I've already made my arguments without any helpful input. I do know what to say when we have this conversation, and all I need is the right time to bring it up. I'm just bummed there weren't any other snake lovers to give some relevant advice.

[Artchic528]

Whoa whoa whoa. Who said I was phobic about snakes? I said your dad was phobic, not myself. To the contrary, I love snakes, although their sheds give me the Willies for some reason.

A snake is far from a low maintenence pet. They need the proper tank envornment, depending on species. Tropical snakes like a nice humid environment, arboreal snakes need things to climb on, and desert snakes need it hot and dry. Then any snake will need a heat lamp and lamp with a UVB and UVA bulb. That's needed for proper intake of vitamins and stuff, otherwise they get serious bone deformities, or super soft bones that just break.

They require humidity when shedding, like regular soakings, and maybe even spraying them with a spritz bottle. I don't know if the water needs to be treated or not.

Their tank needs to be as big as they are long, roughly, and super secure as snakes are supreme escape artists.

They also require feeding of either live or frozen food, like mice or rats every week or two, and those don't come cheap. You'd be buying them on a weekly or by weekly basis, and if they are live, the snake wouldn't be guaranteed to eat it, so you might have live mice to care for.

Then the snake itself is pricey, varying from species to species. Boas also get pretty damn big when they reach maturity, and if one of those gets loose in your home, it will hunt the cat, and kill it if you don't find it first.

Did I mention that snakes live for decades? Some species can live for 30 years or more. Quite the commitment.

That of course is only the beginning, because individual species require individual care, same with baby and older snakes.

I could go on, but I think I made my point clear enough already.

[LiteraryLark]

Okay, so now you're defensive? My post wasn't directed towards you.

I know how to care for a snake. That's not the issue.

I don't think there's more that needs to be said. I made my point.

[DechanDawa]

Oh, I posted this and then saw you were disgusted with everyone. I enjoyed this thread and hope you will read my two cents worth. I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Now for my two measly cents worth: You say it's no different than adopting any other pet but that's not true.There are neutral pets and not so neutral pets. I grew up with all kinds of pets. Dogs weren't exactly neutral, but tolerable because they are domesticated Same with cats. Ducks as adults could get nasty but mostly only to very little kids. Baby chicks...OMG...adorable. But given away before becoming adults. Bunnies...not a problem. Fish...same. But one day my mother was playing golf and found a baby crocodile on the golf course and put it in her golf bag (!) and brought it home. That little thing was nasty like a baby dragon and bit everyone, including our other pets, then escaped in the house...and we never found it. Yuk. The croc wasn't a neutral pet. But you know what? It was a great and beautiful critter. It just didn't fit in with our household. Think about the snake thing. Does it fit in with your life, and your family, at this time? I think if I had a kid who wanted a snake as a pet, I would absolutely need to be assured that it was kept in a way that it would never escape. I think that's the key. I worked in a zoo...and the reptiles never, never, never escaped. Ever. So that seems to be key...a container that is absolutely escape proof. I think what you want is compromise. Not a bad thing. So be political. Be diplomatic. Look for the best escape-proof cage available. (Snakes are gorgeous but I wouldn't want one loose in my house.)

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

You say it's no different than adopting any other pet but that's not true.There are neutral pets and not so neutral pets. I grew up with all kinds of pets. Dogs weren't exactly neutral, but tolerable because they are domesticated Same with cats. Ducks as adults could get nasty but mostly only to very little kids. Baby chicks...OMG...adorable. But given away before becoming adults. Bunnies...not a problem. Fish...same. But one day my mother was playing golf and found a baby crocodile on the golf course and put it in her golf bag (!) and brought it home. That little thing was nasty like a baby dragon and bit everyone, including our other pets, then escaped in the house...and we never found it. Yuk. The croc wasn't a neutral pet. But you know what? It was a great and beautiful critter. It just didn't fit in with our household. Think about the snake thing. Does it fit in with your life, and your family, at this time? I think if I had a kid who wanted a snake as a pet, I would absolutely need to be assured that it was kept in a way that it would never escape. I think that's the key. I actually worked in a zoo...and the reptiles never, never, never escaped. Ever. So that seems to be key...a container that is absolutely escape proof. I think what you want is compromise. Not a bad thing. So be political. Be diplomatic. Look for the best escape-proof cage available. (Snakes are gorgeous but I wouldn't want one loose in my house.)

You make a very good point. I get that snakes can be perceived as scary. I get why. I just overcame that fear from a very young age and I've always considered them to be beautiful, wonderful animals. I don't think my dad has ever had a reason to be scared of them. In fact, I think the only reason is because he grew up on Indiana Jones who hated snakes. You'd be surprised, several people have told me they hate snakes because Indiana Jones hates snakes. O.o

My next cage would be escape-proof, and I would tell my parents that the snake wouldn't come out while they are home and would stay in my room while I handle it if it would make them feel better.

I would also look into different breeds of snakes. Personally, I find cornsnakes to be beautiful, but my friend has about seven rosy boas and she says they are the most docile snakes. And they are short and chubby. You should see how she adores those snakes. I got to handle them, they are very docile. I think my choice of snake would have to be one that is not as active or aggressive, very tame and calm.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Oh, I posted this and then saw you were disgusted with everyone. I enjoyed this thread and hope you will read my two cents worth.

Well yeah I would be. It was upsetting. It didn't help me have this conversation with my parents. I was quite serious about this conversation and people focused on my parents being scared of snakes...without considering how or why. They're really not that terrified of snakes. If they were, I wouldn't push it. They're more people who like cuddly animals such as cats and dogs.

[(JD)]

There is no such thing as an "escape proof" cage.... I live in South Florida and there are plenty of residents with snakes, and several who are breeders/researchers and we are "all the time" being on the look out or finding out they had a breach...

While a rosy boa is a smaller snake (up to 4') it still needs to eat... if you are paying your own bills and putting money away for getting and keeping your own apartment, then why not wait until you can do that on your own? You might also not be able to find a place that allows even an aquarium snake, you know? What will you do with Rosy then?

Rosies are usually very tolerant to handling. No special requirements other than the usual care and patience when handling snakes. They rarely bite, and due to their small size pose no danger. They are excellent escape artists through so never take your eyes off them when they are out of their enclosure!

The Everglades is full of pythons because of Hurricane Andrew (and people who had escape proof cages except..IDK do they make earthquake proof cages?) and from people whose lifestyles didn't work out with the snake once it grew from a cutie releasing them.... they live 20 years!!!!

[DechanDawa]

The original post was asking for help from those who might want to help, and not really about whether or not the snake was an appropriate pet. People keep all kinds of dangerous pets. If we are going to start talking about protecting ourselves and the environment then all antidepressants and tranquilizers and birth control pills should be banned because they are getting into the environment and changing the biological structure of wildlife and ecosystems. That scares the hell out of me. Well, all those critters in Florida's waterways scares me, too.

[unaluna]

Okay heres an argument the other way, kind of. You know how some people didnt want gay marriage because it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, in the Garden of Eden?

So wouldnt Eve have been more likely to be tempted and convinced by a kitten than a snake?! So snakes dont deserve their reputation.

Actually the argument stands on just the kitten vs snake part i think.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Any chance you could compromise on a lizard?

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Well, it's a learning experience for everyone, isn't it? My kid went through a stage of getting every small critter available...rats, mice, gerbils, hamsters. I must tell you, I absolutely hated those critters. I couldn't even look at them. I was phobic and I just couldn't get over it. My kid was very nice about only handling them out of sight. I was tolerant, and that's about as generous as I could get. But that's compromise. I knew someone who had a corn snake, I think. Orange? That snake did bite a lot. Snakes will bite, I guess. It's instinct. The rosy boas sound interesting. Do they grow huge? I don't know if I agree with people who say it's your parent's house they pay the mortgage blah, blah, blah. My kid lived with me off and on as a young adult and I never had that attitude. We were a household, a family, a community. Everyone contributes to the environment and it makes for an interesting and stimulating life. As far as Indiana Jones turning people off to snakes, they probably were already phobic. I learned something about snakes when I was at the zoo which was very interesting. I can't talk about it here, but I think only reptile people know about it. It was, let's say, a fun fact. Good Luck. Snakes are beautiful and interesting.

My parents abdolutely do not play the whole "this is my house, my rules"...unless i make a mess in the kitchen We are a family and very close. After my hospitalization ive been working very hard to speak my mind and be more articulate with my feelings where before i wouldnt speak at all. So thats why im here, because i dont know how to adticulate this issue. Id like to be able to tell them how i feel, why i feel this way, and how this will benefit me in hopes they will listen and come up with a compromise that works for everyone.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Any chance you could compromise on a lizard?

Lol lizards are adorbs but i have no idea how to care for them...and if they get loose im screwed. XD i chased lizards as kids they are super fast.

[DechanDawa]

The snake issue aside, I think it's great that you are willing to move into a whole new level of communicating. Now I think I understand. You want to present well to your parents. My kid went through exactly this phase of learning how to be persuasive or just to present well, and at first it was a bit messy, but with practice, smoother. And this is good to learn because we need it out in life, and who better to practice with than one's family? This is excellent. You want to present smoothly, and not falter. Maybe that's the most important thing going on. It builds confidence. And what you learn with your parents you can later do more easily with employers, co-workers, housemates, partners etc. So this is a beautiful thing you are learning to do, with or without the snake. Best of luck.