Am I a bad cat owner?

LiteraryLark · Aug 04, 2022 at 01:31 PM

I think when it comes down to things, I really got my confidence as a cat owner shaken up because Elwood's accidents triggered the thought of failing as a cat owner. I really do love Elwood, but I worry I am not doing enough for him.

I worry about being gone all the time, but my hours at former work were long, and I spent hours and hours studying with Elwood as a kitten being in a separate room, and even with Evy I never worried about how long I was gone without her.

Elwood is no longer getting into so much mischief that he needs constant supervision, but I worry about him having more accidents because of a change in hours or routine.

I do love him a lot but I just don't know how to overcome the worrying because he is really happy right now and doing so much better. It isn't because of Elwood that I want to give him away, I am overwhelmed with all my responsibilities and worry I'm not doing enough for him.

Nammu · Aug 04, 2022 at 03:06 PM

Cats are pretty easy going and fine to leave for hours. My guy was a rescue and been though repeated cycles of ending up in the shelter. There have been times when I was too depressed to care much and didn’t change out his litter box regularly for weeks! But trooper that he is he continued to use it. He wasn’t happy that he wasn’t getting his wet food regularly and was really worried but he came though it in spades. Is he happier when I’m stable, sure. But he is a trooper and I’m sure your guy is too. Just be sure to provide him with lots of toys and distraction for when your gone.

lizardlady · Aug 05, 2022 at 07:43 AM

Lark, I feel like I missed some information. What kind of accidents is Elwood having? Is he not using his litter box or is he getting hurt?

What is going on that you feel overwhelmed?

To answer your question in the subject line,, you are a good pet parent.

downandlonely · Aug 05, 2022 at 07:47 AM

If you mean peeing outside the litterbox, some cats do that when they are mad. After I returned from a week long vacation, my cat punished me by peeing on my stuff. But he did get over it. And actually last time I was gone for over a month (with a cat sitter coming in to feed him and scoop litter). And he just seemed happy to see me when I returned.

LiteraryLark · Aug 05, 2022 at 08:07 AM

LL and D&L yes, he has been peeing and pooping outside the litter box. A lot of things happened that caused it: two sets of family members visiting within a couple months, I went on vacation, I changed jobs, changed hours/routine, ended the semester and I started using a really strong foofy wall fragrance (which I stopped using because I realized cats are so sensitive to smell).

I'm really overwhelmed with all of this. The new job is really important and also very intense and demanding, and my last job was so toxic, and now I've got one semester left of college before I graduate, so I'm really struggling with all the responsibilities and coping with change. I feel terrible that Elwood has not had a solid routine in a long while.

The accidents haven't happened in two weeks, but another worry is I am renting and I would have to pay for any damages.

lizardlady · Aug 05, 2022 at 05:50 PM

Lark, you have a ton of stuff going on. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Could Elwood is picking up on your stress and reacting.

I'm going to suggest a two prong approach. What can you do to reduce your own stress level? Or more to the point, what kind of self-care would help? You aren't going to be able to remove the stressor, but you can help yourself cope.

For Elwood, what about some pheromone treatment? I bought pheromone treated collars for my crew when Sean came to live with us. The collars I buy from Amazon are treated with lavender, chamomile and a calming pheromone. I'll come back and post a link to them. Using the collars eliminated almost all of the fighting with my crew.

Wustentre 3 Pack Calming Collar for Cats, Cat Calming Collars, Cat Pheromones Calming Collar, Adjustable Cat Anxiety Collar for Cats and Kittens Stress Reliever Relaxing Comfortable Collar (Violet) https://a.co/d/hSz2deN

My other suggestion would be a Feliway diffuser. It looks like a plug in air freshener, but releases a calming pheromone. My vet uses these in her office. My Mikey, who is Mr. Crankypants becomes Mr. Mellow in her office. Will post a link to it too.

FELIWAY Optimum Cat, Enhanced Calming Pheromone Diffuser, 30 Day Starter Kit (48 mL) https://a.co/d/djIjlZh

Hang in there hon. You and Elwood will get through this.

LiteraryLark · Aug 05, 2022 at 11:39 PM

I decided tonight I will keep Elwood.

LL I do have pheromone spray plug in. I've used it for the past two weeks and it's really helpful.

I have been working on self care but a wonderful new job is making me happy. I'm so much more relaxed and confident in my new job. I'm doing fantastic.

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lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,768 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,584 hugs given	Aug 05, 2022 at 07:43 AM #3 Lark, I feel like I missed some information. What kind of accidents is Elwood having? Is he not using his litter box or is he getting hurt? What is going on that you feel overwhelmed? To answer your question in the subject line,, you are a good pet parent.
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Aug 05, 2022 at 07:47 AM #4 If you mean peeing outside the litterbox, some cats do that when they are mad. After I returned from a week long vacation, my cat punished me by peeing on my stuff. But he did get over it. And actually last time I was gone for over a month (with a cat sitter coming in to feed him and scoop litter). And he just seemed happy to see me when I returned.
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LiteraryLark Crowned "The Good Witch" Member Since Jun 2009 Location: Wonderland Posts: 11,536 (SuperPoster!) 15 1,318 hugs given	Aug 05, 2022 at 11:39 PM #7 I decided tonight I will keep Elwood. LL I do have pheromone spray plug in. I've used it for the past two weeks and it's really helpful. I have been working on self care but a wonderful new job is making me happy. I'm so much more relaxed and confident in my new job. I'm doing fantastic.
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