[Justicia]

I just haven't been eating recently, like breakfast, not really on purpose but just that it doesn't work out. I want to lose weight hard core, but I don't exercise like I need to. And then lunch or dinner comes and I eat too much, maybe I'll eat something now. And I'm just frustrated because I haven't met with my dietician in a while and she says that I need to write down everything I eat and I just need to regulate my food intake, I've been getting better with not having to finish everything on my plate which is good, but then does that not mean that I don't have an eating disorder anymore … Do I even have one ? My T says I do and we have a treatment plan and everything but I just feel like I don't have one, or I just have a problem with admitting that I have an eating disorder, I'm overweight, and eat too much and am so preoccupied with all of the food I consume, and that everyone judges me based on my weight and shape and when can I eat next, when I should eat next, will people judge me based on when and how I eat. And I work in the food service industry and I am surrounded by food and all I want to do is just eat everything in sight because I despise my body so much and how people see me just another fat American person, fitting the stereotype. And especially when I eat I think that everyone watches me eat and looks at my plate then judges me and then hates me for how much food I have on my plate or the lack of food on my plate, if I finish everything on my plate or not, it just so frustrating I don't want to have to have all this anxiety and annoyances about food anymore, maybe I do have a problem ?

WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM ADMITTING THIS ?! (Do I need help/Why am I not accepting this help ?)

[Standup2me]

In my opinion, you do.
Your bottom line - I felt the same way
Shame
Not in control
Outside looking in
I understand what you are saying

[Justicia]

Well thank you for the affirmation. I think I just need more evidence for some reason to further realize that I have a problem. Maybe I just need to be told more that I have a problem, I just wish I could realize it.