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Trig May 06, 2021 at 06:53 AM
  #1
Hi all,

I looked at some of the articles referenced in the "Welcome" sticky posts at the top of this page and found myself quite intrigued. It seems that addressing emotional pain is the key to recovering from binge-eating disorder. I live in Canada and fall thru the cracks in the health system in that i make too much money to afford a free therapist and too little to afford a quality therapist that i would pay for myself.

So i will continue to work out my demons here, noting well that the emotional support we give and get here is a very important component of a complete approach to healing from binge-eating disorder -- a complete approach that i can't afford. We'll do what we can here, but talking solely about dieting is not enough. We have to explore our emotional pain.

Ta!

Jane.

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Trig May 06, 2021 at 07:48 AM
  #2
Hi all,

I guess i should go first and put my money where my mouth is. Most of my emotional pain stems from the fact that my brother
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when i was 14. It didn't help that in my twenties my husband of five years divorced me because i wouldn't have children.

My life fell into chaos. I had been diagnosed as bipolar II when i was 25 and the divorce just pushed me over the edge and i couldn't work anymore. I spent five years living on various subsistence public income supports, including $400 a month of Welfare for a few hair-raising months, was homeless for six weeks and
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before a miraculous lawyer got me private disability benefits from my former employer and i rejoined the middle-class twenty years ago and have been living in [relative] peace.

I don't have a pension tho and i am 54 and beginning to think about how i will finance myself once my private disability benefits end at 65. It is a challenge. I also don't have a medical plan. Because i'm saving like mad for retirement i don't have money to spare for a quality therapist. The only ones i can afford are from community organizations and have less education and less up-to-date knowledge than i do. Hey, i can read a self-help book as well as they can! Also i find them very backwards with them focusing on my weight as the main problem when i go to them for help with emotional pain.

So that is a bit about me. How about you?

Ta!

Jane.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 01:17 PM
  #3
I guess I would start with the fact that I’ve had eating disorders since i was 10 years old. My grandma passed away around that time and she meant a lot to me, also I had been bullied a lot in school and my mom and i had a rough relationship when I was growing up, as opposed to my dad, whom I idolized but who was always away. I think the anorexia i had as a kid was my way of coping with all of this, and of course my mom’s body dysmorphic disorder didn’t help. From then on it was a constant alternation between anorexia, bulimia and binge eating. In 2014 I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes and so i lost a lot of weight, and people were complete dickheads about it— they wouldn’t shut up about it and people who had been snobs to me before suddenly wanted to be my bffs. All that reinforced negative patterns which persisted for several years after; from 2014 to 2017 I over-exercised, starved myself, purged, and took tons of diet pills. I didn’t ovulate. My wounds wouldn’t heal. I couldn’t think straight and could rarely stand without losing my balance. And yet, since my bmi was in the normal range (i was around 140 lbs, which is on the upper end for my height), doctors wouldn’t look at me. No one wanted to see that i was really sick. I went to two different eating disorder clinics, both of which sucked ***. Fast forward to now— Ive got a highly stressful job and I have all these conflicting emotions about myself, my body, and people around me. I don’t know what to do to fix it. It sucks. I just feel like I can’t get out of this vicious cycle of numbing my feelings and coping with food versus starving and punishing myself. It’s like there’s no happy medium. So that’s my story.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 01:20 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
Hi all,

I looked at some of the articles referenced in the "Welcome" sticky posts at the top of this page and found myself quite intrigued. It seems that addressing emotional pain is the key to recovering from binge-eating disorder. I live in Canada and fall thru the cracks in the health system in that i make too much money to afford a free therapist and too little to afford a quality therapist that i would pay for myself.

So i will continue to work out my demons here, noting well that the emotional support we give and get here is a very important component of a complete approach to healing from binge-eating disorder -- a complete approach that i can't afford. We'll do what we can here, but talking solely about dieting is not enough. We have to explore our emotional pain.

Ta!

Jane.


Agree with you 100% that talking about the emotions behind binge eating should be the focal point here… although I know ive posted things about dieting on here too.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 01:57 PM
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@indigo1015:

What a heart-breaking story! Starting at such a young age, 10. So sorry about your grandma. It's too bad about your mom. Sorry your dad was not available. And being bullied. That sounds like a tough start in life and a perfect storm setting for developing dysfunctional behavior.

I'm sorry to hear of your extreme behavior 2014 to 2017. I know what you mean about people coming out of the woodworks when you lose a lot of weight. This man who dismissed me when i was fat, at 41 suddenly held me up as an example to people when i lost a great deal of weight, once even in a meeting in front of about fifteen people. I was so embarrassed! Like, hey, dude, it is none of your business! Then i gained it back and he went back to ignoring me. Fatist, or what?!

I'm sorry your eating disorders clinics were not helpful. That's not very woke of them. We have a wonderful clinic here in my city attached to a university's health clinic. I took an free eight-week psycho-educational series there back when i was 30 and learned a lot. It introduced me to the book "No Fat Chicks" which was an eye-opening read. The psychologist who led the group was outstanding. I would surely become a client of hers if i could afford it.

Please don't give up hope! There is this resource here on the forum that i am trying to ignite and also if you look in the "Welcome" stickies at the top of the forum board you will find a link to a national support organization that does phone, chat and text support. I think the acronym was "NEDA" but i am not too sure about that. I'm Canadian so i'm not sure it'll be available for me. Sigh! But do look into it and let me know. It sounds like it could be a valuable support.

Is therapy an option for you? I know you said you're working a hectic job but life is a lot easier when we are happy so if therapy is available to you it would be worth the investment.

I know it's hard to get support for "invisible disabilities" like eating disorders when you are at a healthy BMI. But wounds not healing, not having the physical resources to menstruate, loss of balance and above all, emotional anguish, all have a tremendous impact on life and should not be ignored.

I did not get my period for a year when i was 14 and had anorexia. Not that i missed it! But i was taken to a medical doctor who asked me, in front of my mom, if i "was just not hungry" and i lied and said yes. I was starving, i couldn't climb a set of stairs at school without getting dizzy, all the while competing in gymnastics. I could have lit myself on fire and my parents wouldn't have helped me.

I am happy that you agree that talking about the emotions behind binging should be the priority here, tho we can talk about dieting here too, especially for those of us who are extremely overweight. I'm not trying to start an anti-dieting movement. If you ARE seriously overweight, like *i* am, you SHOULD diet.

So it's a serious business we are mired in. We should not fool ourselves. All i can offer you is a listening ear and the hope that by participating here we can heal our demons.

Ta!

Jane.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 02:14 PM
  #6
Thank you— and I am very sorry to hear about your brother committing suicide when you were young. That must’ve been extremely hard to deal with. I can definitely relate to substance abuse issues, and the mental health setup in the US is not that that great either. It sounds like you’ve persevered and succeeded in very tough times, and i really applaud you for that. Keep fighting Refreshing Take on Binge-Eating Disorder *hug*

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Default May 06, 2021 at 02:18 PM
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@indigo1015:

Thanks for the sympathy and for the compliment on my ability to persevere. It's the quality about myself that i most treasure!

Ta!

Jane.

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Default May 08, 2021 at 07:04 PM
  #8
I'm not sure if I binge eat. I know my diet could be better although I have a bag of pears and bought a salad mix a couple times in a row. I had ice cream from Dairy Queen today and I consider that a treat and we were out walking about. Guess I'm trying to say that I'm not sure if I binge eat but I do a lot of snacking during the day. And I had leftovers from going out to eat, this afternoon. Didn't taste as good as when it was fresh. I try not to eat out anyway because of the cost! I did buy cheerios last time I went to the store. I guess I'm rambling. Just not sure if I eat too much or not- apparently so since I've gained 9 pounds since October.

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Default May 08, 2021 at 11:13 PM
  #9
@Moose72 and all:

As i've written on this forum before, if you're not sure if you're an overeater/binge-eater, look into the welcome stickies at the top of the forum to read into what the definitions are and whether you think they describe you or not. Excess weight could also be from benign causes. It's not necessarily an eating disorder. If it's not causing you emotional anguish, it's probably not an eating disorder. There's a dieting and weight-loss forum in the health folder that may be more suitable. You're welcome to hang-out here with us, as we talk about dieting also. Do as you please!

Ta!

Jane.

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