Increasing misanthropy

"i see through all of you. mommy’s trying to make me fat cause misery loves company and her bf is using her for sex. old best friend when i cared about friends is trying to kiss up to my other friends he’s never even met to feel smarter because he’s jealous of me and them and he thinks he can get a long distance boyfriend that way because he’s just an average white gay male posing as queer to feel special. and what’s with all these outgoing people claiming to have mental disorders that are inconsistent with an outgoing personality? do they think we’re all too stupid to figure that out? some sheep, i’m sure are slightly smarter than other, but all are sheep and all are going to follow someone like me. you get mad cause it’s your place in the world and you try to sabotage me, but as the shepherd i’m always ahead of you so give the **** up and die or accept your place."

I wrote this on my blog earlier. The rage and ranting are over, but the distrust is still there. It's like, I know what I believe isn't what people call "logical", but my mind ignores everyone's logic and believes what it wants to.

chesspie, are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? I think you can see you are heading down a troublesome path. I suggest you get some treatment as soon as you can.

are there any free ones?

try to do good. I understand your pain. try to do good to yourself. you are not a bad person. do not feel judged. try to go away to the country or the lake. let all be well with you.