Another frightened paranoid

Hello,
I have both Paranoid and Avoidant personality disorders. Not able to go out in front of my house because my neighbour spies on me. She absolutely hates me and tries to criticize me whenever she has a chance.


She, and her older husband are nouveau riche, meaning they were working-class people who saving enough money to move to ‘fancy suburb’. Now she has this yard ethic, and it is more standard than less, but I have been sick for years now, and the ‘pretty yard’ is not so mandatory, as it is preferred. She does not consider I am alone, have no man to do yard work, and my feeling about yards is not so much as status symbol, as, for me, I was raised on wealthy neighbourhoods, where the measure of status on yard-keep is less than mandatory,

This is the issue, but not a simple remedy. I cannot get a good yard service here anymore than I can get a well paid service to check my heating and cooling system! It is too hard for me to call around and look up services year, after year. I would rather pass way this winter and not gave to deal with the strain of life anymore. However, I am not suicidal, not intent on doing myself any harm, in fact, too afraid to consider such acts of volition.

Life for me has been like serving a prison sentence; someday it would be nice to be paroled.

I was made sick by AIDS agents who, knowing I was never promiscuous, infected me the hepatitis C virus, which I paid a fortune to take a cure last year after several failed attempts. Now I am still sick.

I have always lived alone, very wealthy and have never done much other than around my home. A dozen years ago, married, my outlook was not so dark, yet it is now a dim memory.

Meanwhile, the more honest I am about my mental state the more relatives avoid me. Having to give up all my private space for a care facility seems worse than passing on. Being honest, people usually upset me, even if I know they mean well. I rather am more content left alone. The future terrifies me!

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Hello and Welcome to PC
Sounds like you got a lot of stress goin' on presently!
I do not have paranoia problems..buy I'm practically a hermit too. Severe Social Anxiety and generally like you find "people" on lrg to be just a vapid waste of energy..tho one on one as long as they show some signs of intelligence...I generally enjoy individuals. I have had some awful neighbors too so I feel you on that one too...I can't stand ppl who get uppity and think they have a right to yell others how they should live ... as far as I'm concerned..they're the ones taking issues, so if they got a problem, it's not your responsibility to fix it for them. Sounds like they are "putting on a good show of playing house".. well GFT! Do they want a cookie or a Shiney trophy?! ...idk ur neighborhood dynamic, bit if I were in your position I would very politely tell them to shove it!...with a smile of course
Sorry to hear about your health issues as well..not fun illnesses to live with.

Well the good news is that you found your way here to PC! This is a great support community. I've found a ton of really genuine, caring, helpful knowledgeable folks here.. it's been a huge lifeline for me. And I hope you find much comfort and acceptance as well
Be Well! and KEEP WRITING!!

Hello, ma'am. Your moniker is troublesome. You are a person worthy of respect.

Have you considered seeing a professional? Your life is hard. Some help may make it less so.

May you find peace and all that is good.

Why do you think your relatives avoid you for being honest?