[Inny2009]

Im a certified nursing assistant at a nursing home. I know I dont come anywhere close to you guys who actually care for family members but being a CNA is hard. What alot of people dont realize is that there are (not all but many) who carry their work home with them. I start caring for people at 7 am to 3 pm and on two days i work 16 hour shifts with them. When I go home yes i live my life, but i worry about them. They say we shouldnt become too attached, but I love every resident in there(no im not just saying that either). I feel that if you dont become attached then the resident will not benefit from a special bond that could help them physically in the long run. I always worry about them. I go in on my days off when i can between school and stuff. My husband doesnt really understand why I can get so easily frusterated at home. I give my heart sweat and tears every day to people who sometimes arent really all that grateful. I have been punched in the face, grabbed by the throat, had broken skin from nail marks all because I ask them If i can change their underwear (its a diaper but i like calling it underwear because it gives dignity). Its my job. I cant let them sit in their own feces, otherwise they will be in so much pain from skin breakdown. Besides who wants that? And after my day I go school or I go home and make dinner and play with my son and make sure he is taken care of as well as husband. Im facing many health issues right now so this is a strain. I just wonder when does a caregiver actually get time to focus on themselves. I never do. Im constantly giving, to the point where im forcing myself just to walk so i can help someone to bathroom. I used to go without eating just cause im too busy helping others. I know the only thing that will get me to stop is if i fall over and dont get back up.

[possum220]

Dear Inny,

Time to look after yourself and treat yourself. Time to seek counseling and talk until you feel cared for. It is a hard job that you are doing.

My mum was in care for four years. She developed a special relationship with a few carers. Yes she was grouchy and pig headed at times. But we knew she was getting cared for and they really did love her. We visited Mum but couldnt care for Mum. When mum passed away 3 of the carers came to her funeral.

Care givers do have a very special role in the lives of loved ones. You do need to make sure that you do look after yourself too. Sometimes that may mean changing to a different nursing home that have more staff so you aren't so overwhelmed.

Try to make sure you eat. Find something pleasant for you to do. It would be good if you could look after yourself as much as you do your patients. Find some-one you can debrief with.

You are really appreciated.

Take Care of yourself.

[VickiesPath]

Dearest Inny,

Before my mother died, I went to her home in Mississippi and cared for her 24/7 for a month. She was not particularly demanding, actually, she was little trouble at all. But the hardest part was, she was a tiny thing and very independent. She would often not call me to help her get up out of her recliner to go to the bathroom. She was stubborn and it was an electric recliner. But instead of pushing the button and letting the recliner footstool go down and then raise up the chair to help her stand up, she would roll her body over the side and fall on the floor! Then she would crawl over to her walker, stand up and go to the bathroom! And she was 78! Twice in the night, I did not hear her calling and she fell and scraped her arms up. Once, she banged her head on the wall.

She also had two dogs. It rains a lot in Mississippi. I was constantly mopping the floors which were covered with muddy paw prints.

When my sister and I got into the car to drive to Memphis to the airport, I said, "I am bone tired."

I don't know how you do it, Inny. I could not do your job. I love older folks. I would run myself into the ground.

Please take care of you. Get some balance in your life. The care home residents need you but they need you healthy.

[sabby]

My dear friend (((((((((((( Inny )))))))))))))))

You have been in the caretaking business for a long long time now. I have done CNA work as well (many eons ago) and know how demanding it can be. I also know how much CNA's can get knocked around, spit at, bitten, punched and disrespected. The poor dears really don't know what they are doing...and even though I knew that, it was still difficult on some days to take it.

I want to bring something up to you (because I've known you for a long time ) and I hope you don't take offense at it ok? Over the years, do you think you have put so much effort, at your expense into this care, that I wonder if you are bypassing your own need for care.....sort of running away from what you need and deserve. Maybe now it's becoming more evident to you that you are being left out.... still or again?

You are wonderful, sweet, caring woman. You've had some tough times and I so hope you can find some help for yourself to learn to let go a little bit from your job so you can find more energy to put into you and your home life and family. Like Vickie said, finding a balance

Love you hon!

sabby