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#1
Oct 11, 2009, 03:16 PM
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Forgive me if it's wrong.
My husband has a malignant tumour in his kidney. It is 4cm big and is having the whole kidney out on October 29th. It was already decided we were going to part company before he was diagnosed. I am going to stay of course until his treatment is over. I still love him, he is the father to my children and we go back 23 years .... I feel guilty as hell because he knows we are splitting and probably only here to see that he is ok and be there for him until I know he's well. I find myself worrying about all kinds of things. He's quite well apart from aches and pains etc, they've told us at the hospital he will make a full recovery after 3/4 weeks and probably feel like a new man. Has anyone been through this at all? I mean dealing with the emotional side of a partner living through cancer whilst knowing they will be separating too? This is such a wierd situation and I am scared too for him ... though he's been given a really good prognosis/outcome for recovery. I get all knotted up inside thinking about it. This probably seems like a strange post but emotions get the better of me and I'm just really confused about it all and I know he is scared he's bound to be ..... Sorry for rambling. Ophelia 
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#2
Oct 11, 2009, 05:56 PM
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After the birth of my first son my partner was diagnosed with cancer. We had a very voilent relationship and l had already decided that l would leave when the baby was born. When my son was six weeks old and l was preparing myself to leave we found out he had cancer , the prognosis was good, but what followed wasnt. All l want to say is that l can understand your confusion and even maybe some guilt about staying just to make sure he is ok. All l can say to you is this.........dont let it destroy you and tear you apart...........dont let others tell you what you should and shouldnt do only you and your husband can decide what is best for you both.
Take care of you and l wish your husband well in his surgery and prayers are offered that it all goes very smoothly. Sas xx 
__________________
 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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 I_WMD
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#3
Oct 12, 2009, 12:52 AM
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Quote:
A divorce is a loss ,, and a death too ..... Same emotions will arise ,,, ophelia >> ya know how sometimes through adversity ,,, comes a better place ,, as if through fruition ..... WMD. |
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#4
Oct 12, 2009, 03:16 AM
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Thank you so much WMD
 You're totally right of course and I made my mond up long ago really that I would leave. Thank you for your wise words.SAS thank you too for your advice and wise words. My husband is not a violent man anymore though he has a temper and is fairly unreasonable. The kids know I'm leaving and so does he ... my family also know and I sort of hinted to his mom and she understands .. it's life. My conscience would NEVER let me leave whilst he is going thru this, for his and my kids sakes. We have been together unhappily for years so a few more months I can cope with, thank you both so very much for your kind words ... they help me so much. WMD I will go through all different emotions, but I guess I just want a little happiness for myself now and therapy has made me stronger, or should I say helped to see my strength?  hugs to you both O
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