Hello everyone

Hope you are all well. I'd really like some advice please.

My friend and I used to be good friends. Talk on the phone to each other etc. Then it stopped because he became isolated and lost contact with all his friends. He suffers with Social Anxiety and Schizo-affective Disorder. His isolation has caused him a lot of depression and stress. He rarely goes out. Doesn't answer the door or phone to anyone. The only contact he has is with his parents on a three week gap.

We haven't spoken to each other for 18 months. I have sent him a letter once a month and send a text/phone call once every two weeks. I do this because I value his friendship and love him very much.

A year ago, he had a breakdown. When I rang his mobile phone, I got the message, You have dialed an incorrect number. Please check the number and redial. I got very concerned but two weeks later, I dialed the number again. The phone was working.

Six months ago, I went to his flat and became friends with his neighbour. I got very concerned and wanted to know how he was. The neighbour gave me some insight about my friend. Saying he doesn't have anyone come see him and he is extremely isolated. He took my details and informed me he would get in touch the moment he sees my friend. That same day, I was very lucky to knock on his front door and talk to him. My friend didn't answer the door but he was listening.

That evening, his mum rang me to let me know my friend was ok. He wouldn't speak to me on the phone because he was very shy. Laughing and blushing. My friend doesn't have much experience with women. So he blushes and gets shy when I make contact. She did say I could contact her again to find out how he is doing.

After that call, he didn't contact me. I knew with his fear/anxiety he wouldn't. This was six months ago. Since then, I have done the same - one letter a month.

Three months ago, I tried to phone his mobile phone and the same message that happened a year ago. You have dialed an incorrect number. Please try the number and redial. Left it a few months and tried his phone number again last night and it's still the same.

I am feeling worried and going out of my mind. I'm really worried about him. I don't know why his phone is saying the same thing? Especially three months on.

I am having thoughts like what if he has commited sucide? What if he is ill? His mother isn't supportive towards him. When he gets ill, no one is there. His dad comes but I only have his mum's number.

Can someone please advise me please?

[Confusedinomicon]

Is there any way you can keep in contact with his parents as opposed to him? Maybe get the dad's phone number?

Maybe they could help integrate you into his life in a safe way if he is okay with seeing them. (maybe getting to the point where he will write you back? text you even?)

[MikeDelta]

Is it possible you could call the police and explain the situation? I know it sounds like an overreaction but if you are really that worried its something you may want to consider. The dispatchers can get Medical and police there to do a what we would call a "wellness check". And if he doesn't come to the door they maybe able to get on the property to check if he's okay.

[RisingSun]

I would try sending your friend a letter, snail mail or e-mail, and tell him that being isolated is psychologically unhealthy, and that you're worried about him. Tell him that you care about him and would like to see him in person somewhere. Try to build a relationship with him slowly. You might try showing him psychological research that shows being alone to be unhealthy. Maybe give him something to read about Avoidant Personality Disorder, or the psychology of Sullivan or Erikson. You should realize that this type of personality might take a lifetime to overcome.

Thank you all for the replies.

As for the last reply, yes I am aware that this situation may take a long time. I have patience a lot of it. It's just a really sad situation.

Thank you.