[darkeyes]

Right now, I'm just back home, racking my brain, with what more can I do with her??????????? Her dementia is not at the point where a nursing home is necessary, she's really not too bad, but I'm spent, and fear all that I do, besides my own life (which is getting neglected, my home is a mess) is driving me to drinking.
It's a long story, no replies or suggestions needed . . . I just wanted to vent.
Being middle aged, and taking care of a person with various health conditions and early dementia is so very hard, even if we have (and we have had) outside help, emotionally it is very hard. I feel I'm having one of those days where no one knows,no one cares, and what's the point. I am sure all you caregivers get those days, so I'm sure y'all know this feeling. It's just those in "betweens" that are rough. Seems like "having a beer" becomes more often.
Thanks for listening to my rambling. I see my pdoc in April, I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about.

DE

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((((darkeyes)))))))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

[LCRose]

So sorry that you are having a bad day. My situation is very similar, so I do feel for you and want you to know you are not alone. Please...take a 1/2 hour or more for yourself today. Take a long bath, lay in your favorite place and listen to your favorite music, take a quiet walk with your dog.

--LCRose

[red_rose]

Darkeyes,
Any way I can help you ? I know all to well How you feel ,I went through all that last year with my mother who had cancer and we didn't get much outside help .If you just want to talk to have someone just to listen please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you ,I know the feelings you are having. .I just wanted you to know I was here if you need it.

[darkeyes]

Thank you, Red_Rose. I appreciate your kindness.

(((((((((((( RR )))))))))))))

Take care,
Rosanne

[darkeyes]

LC, I try to fit in time like that when I can, even just snuggling with my 2 dogs on the couch brings comfort.
Thanks for your reply.
Sincerely,
Rosanne

[darkeyes]

Oh, Fuzzy, you are a sweetie, thanks for the hugs.

(((((((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))))))

Roe

[EJ711]

Dark Eyes,

Watching over and caring for elderly parents is really exhausting.

Both my parents have gone home to their reward now. They both started to fail at the same time. For awhile it seemed like they were racing towards the grave, but my Dad went first, and Mom stayed around for another five years.

I had brought Mom home after Dad died, because I had lost all confidence in the first class retirement center in which I had placed them. She was with us about a year, when friends would ask, "How's your Mom?", and I would say, "Fine." When they asked how me and my husband were, the answer was, "Oh, we're tired." It became clear that if we didn't put Mom in a nursing home, we wouldn't be around to take care of her.

Long story short, I found a very nice facility, and placed Mom there. Even though I had hired someone to care for her in our home, she was happier in the nursing home. She was a people watcher and loved being around people.

PM me anytime.

Hugs,

EJ

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{Roe}}}}}}}} I know the feeling, Hun. Sometimes it seems like yesterday to me, then there's days that it seems another lifetime ago. It's so difficult to see our parents deteriorate.

[funnygirl]

Hi All

I'm in a similar situation, looking after my aged father who is being kept alive by countless different meds. The trouble these days is that people are kept alive longer and longer but with no quality of life to speak of. My father is housebound now and I have to do all his shopping, housework, some personal care, etc in addition to working part-time and keeping my own home (which is in a mess, too). My family have moved away or just don't visit or telephone him, so I am on my own. The local Social Services won't help as they say he's got family (that's me) to care for his needs. I haven't been able to take a holiday since he had his heart attack ten years ago.

What is the answer? I have no idea.

But of this I am sure - I will never, ever, be a burden to my family - I'll go into a care home if I become incapable of looking after myself, an idea my father absolutely refuses to entertain.

FG

[(JD)]

My mom also refuses to go to a "nursing home." Yes, I would agree with the old fashioned style of home she must remember. But as I write a decision is being mulled over... for an assisted living place for her... unfortunately out of town. She refuses to allow anyone into her home to help her... not even clean. I'm about to make some decisions she isn't going to like.

[dottie]

Hi!

We had to do that with my Dad. Assisited living..until they took off his leg.(Diabetes)Then Nursing Home. He would not go until one day when he was out of booze...my brother walked in on him. He was in dirty clothes..and kept yelling. I'm crazy...I'm crazy. He had been self-medicating his Bi Polar all his adult life.

It's hard..Sky..truly..but for their own sake..we HAVE to make these important decisions..and in a timely manner. It is such a desolate place to find yourself in. Certainly..not happy!!!!!!! Good luck!!!

[(JD)]

She must know, somehow. She told me out of the blue today," I don't want to move to XXXXX." That rather quelled my discussion with her of anything.

[desirae]

I know you said no suggestions neccesary, I just wanted to say real quick, when my grandmother was ill, these nurses from some program we have here in West Virginia would come every once in awhile so my mom could have a day to herself.....it really helped.

Hugs for you, because it is difficult to be a caregiver.

[eskielover]

Oh my, this thread has brought back all the horrible things I went through with my Mother as she was dying of cancer at the end of 2004 & beginning of 2005 when she died. It is so hard when they refuse to do what is really necessary for them our of emotional thinking rather than logic. Unfortunately, I dont know if my mother had a mild stroke or if the cancer had finally gone to her brain, but none of the Dr's were willing to say that she was imcapable of making decisions for herself when I could look at her & see that she couldn't even figure out how to make change for $100, I didn't know what a baby horse was called.

Her Dr, up to 3 weeks before she died swore to me that "he got it all" in the surgery & the next day when I put her into a nursing home was told by the Dr I had for her that her lungs were completely full of cancer. I knew it would be only weeks or days until she died, but had no support from anyone. They didn't even suggest hospice care until 5 days before she died & even at the end, when she couldn't talk or know who was with her no one ever did what was necessary to take away her power to decide.

I blame them & have so much anger left for my mother because her decisions allowed for the situation where the home care RN stole her ID & so many other things that happened in those 5 days before the RN OD'ed her on morphine which thank heavens landed her back in the hospital. I have posted quit a bit on that trauma so don't want to go into it, but am still having trouble getting through it with my psychologist. I am having a very hard time letting go of the anger I have toward her & don't know if I will ever be able to let go of it.....even tried writing her a letter & it did nothing to help. Being acused by the police of abusing her was an experience that I will never forget & the triggers for just a simple thing like misplacing things (which the RN would do) just set me off so bad I can't handle it at all.

It is a very hard situation to be in taking care of our parents especially when we aren't allowed to be legally in the position to make the right decisions. Seems like society is so worried that we will take advantage of the situation, but never thinking about the situations they can put us in because of bad decisions that aren't even made by a capable mind.

I have tried to reply to your post several times & just couldn't get out the right words because of the emotions that I have experienced being in a similar situation.

Just try to be careful as possible & try to be in as much control as possible in helping to make decisions. I know my Mother wanted to be at home so bad & she minupalated it probably not consciously, but successfully for her so that I was never there when the important issues were discussed with the social workers & her Dr's. Make sure that you are always included in those situations so that you are able to know better what is really needed & can maybe be an influence on making the right choices.

Unfortunately, the stress that I was put under from the trauma landed me in the medical hospital for about 2 months, being treated for the massive weight loss that stress causes in me. Making funeral arrangements from the hospital while having IV feeding & continuous tests being run is a horrible situation to be in, but the only good thing was that my GP made sure I had psychological support daily. But going AMA, with the hospital's pdoc threatening to put me on a 72 hour hold, added to my stress too.

Make sure you take care of yourself, but by being able to make the right decisions for your Mother can help your keep out of situations that you have problems living with for the rest of your life.

It is a tough place to be in, but it happens all too often & it is hard not to get trapped into a situation like that.

If you ever need to PM for any support, I am here & willing to provide any support you may need. I know that having no support was hard....I didn't know where to turn for answers & felt so trapped (being the only child & only family member left alive) with even her church's pastor threatening me to back off of the police report I made against the RN. No one would answer my questions with the truth & not a bit of support through the whole time......made it rough & left me with anger that I am having a hard time dealing with even though I know there is no point in holding on to it anymore.

Take care of yourself above all,
Debbie

[eskielover]

Oh my, this thread has brought back all the horrible things I went through with my Mother as she was dying of cancer at the end of 2004 & beginning of 2005 when she died. It is so hard when they refuse to do what is really necessary for them our of emotional thinking rather than logic. Unfortunately, I dont know if my mother had a mild stroke or if the cancer had finally gone to her brain, but none of the Dr's were willing to say that she was imcapable of making decisions for herself when I could look at her & see that she couldn't even figure out how to make change for $100, I didn't know what a baby horse was called.

Her Dr, up to 3 weeks before she died swore to me that "he got it all" in the surgery & the next day when I put her into a nursing home was told by the Dr I had for her that her lungs were completely full of cancer. I knew it would be only weeks or days until she died, but had no support from anyone. They didn't even suggest hospice care until 5 days before she died & even at the end, when she couldn't talk or know who was with her no one ever did what was necessary to take away her power to decide.

I blame them & have so much anger left for my mother because her decisions allowed for the situation where the home care RN stole her ID & so many other things that happened in those 5 days before the RN OD'ed her on morphine which thank heavens landed her back in the hospital. I have posted quit a bit on that trauma so don't want to go into it, but am still having trouble getting through it with my psychologist. I am having a very hard time letting go of the anger I have toward her & don't know if I will ever be able to let go of it.....even tried writing her a letter & it did nothing to help. Being acused by the police of abusing her was an experience that I will never forget & the triggers for just a simple thing like misplacing things (which the RN would do) just set me off so bad I can't handle it at all.

It is a very hard situation to be in taking care of our parents especially when we aren't allowed to be legally in the position to make the right decisions. Seems like society is so worried that we will take advantage of the situation, but never thinking about the situations they can put us in because of bad decisions that aren't even made by a capable mind.

I have tried to reply to your post several times & just couldn't get out the right words because of the emotions that I have experienced being in a similar situation.

Just try to be careful as possible & try to be in as much control as possible in helping to make decisions. I know my Mother wanted to be at home so bad & she minupalated it probably not consciously, but successfully for her so that I was never there when the important issues were discussed with the social workers & her Dr's. Make sure that you are always included in those situations so that you are able to know better what is really needed & can maybe be an influence on making the right choices.

Unfortunately, the stress that I was put under from the trauma landed me in the medical hospital for about 2 months, being treated for the massive weight loss that stress causes in me. Making funeral arrangements from the hospital while having IV feeding & continuous tests being run is a horrible situation to be in, but the only good thing was that my GP made sure I had psychological support daily. But going AMA, with the hospital's pdoc threatening to put me on a 72 hour hold, added to my stress too.

Make sure you take care of yourself, but by being able to make the right decisions for your Mother can help your keep out of situations that you have problems living with for the rest of your life.

It is a tough place to be in, but it happens all too often & it is hard not to get trapped into a situation like that.

If you ever need to PM for any support, I am here & willing to provide any support you may need. I know that having no support was hard....I didn't know where to turn for answers & felt so trapped (being the only child & only family member left alive) with even her church's pastor threatening me to back off of the police report I made against the RN. No one would answer my questions with the truth & not a bit of support through the whole time......made it rough & left me with anger that I am having a hard time dealing with even though I know there is no point in holding on to it anymore.

Take care of yourself above all,
Debbie