[noddy77562]

Hi,

Would anyone out there be able to tell me if a woman with a personality disorder can also suffer from some sort of amnesia?

When ever I take my wife to task about her unreasonable behaviour she gets really upset.

The thing is she is so upset I'm starting to wonder if she totally forgets the unreasonable behaviour? Is it possible that somehow during the unreasonable behaviour episode her brain is in a completely different state and that this memory gets erased when its over?

I can tell by the look in her face and her anger that its as if I am accusing her of making the whole thing up (trust me guys and girls I'm not).

If anyone has similar experience it would help me understand this disease better.
It drives me nuts. I start doubting myself...."I did see it didn't I?"
Thanks.

[Lonely_90]

I have not experienced this, but to me she could be trying to defend her actions by pretending to forget

[IndieVisible]

Lying is a common trait in personality disorders. The only disorder I can think of where that can happen is in a Dissociative disorders, I'm not talking about split personalities, that would be some thing totally different. But every one has mild dissociation at times, it's also called zoning out. Loose track of time and not remember what was done or said. Mild cases of that would be you drive to work usually takes a painful 45 mns. One day you seem to got to working incredible faster like minutes! You look at your watch and see nope it's the normal time it always takes. So what happened? You zoned out and that's basically what happens but for some people it can be more serious and more frequent. There may be other disorders this happens in. But if she truly has no memory of things that would be my first guess. I emphasize GUESS.

Originally Posted by noddy77562

Hi,

Would anyone out there be able to tell me if a woman with a personality disorder can also suffer from some sort of amnesia?

When ever I take my wife to task about her unreasonable behaviour she gets really upset.

The thing is she is so upset I'm starting to wonder if she totally forgets the unreasonable behaviour? Is it possible that somehow during the unreasonable behaviour episode her brain is in a completely different state and that this memory gets erased when its over?

I can tell by the look in her face and her anger that its as if I am accusing her of making the whole thing up (trust me guys and girls I'm not).

If anyone has similar experience it would help me understand this disease better.
It drives me nuts. I start doubting myself...."I did see it didn't I?"
Thanks.

Is she actually forgetting the whole episode or does she not understand what you are calling unreasonable behavior?
I'm aspd and I can tell you that what I consider normal behavior is extremely different from what other people think and do. I happen to be one who works to blend in so I tend to watch people's reactions to me and adjust to look "normal", but many people with this disorder or some of the similar ones don't see themselves as doing anything wrong.

[noddy77562]

After telling her that her actions at a function last night made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed; her response went like this.*

"Sorry" quickly followed by "I'd never do anything like that" quickly followed by "thats not me" quickly followed by "maybe you should also have a drink" quickly followed by a complete denial with the anger!*
So by this stage in her mind said event never happened!

The sorry seems to say I've caught her off guard. So maybe just a brilliant liar.*

I bumped into the guy said event happened with. Like the rest of them he seemed sheepish and a bit embarrassed.

She does not seem to have boundaries as to what is acceptable in relationship.*

Getting fed up being humiliated. Why did I not heed a those signs....

[Thorn Bird]

Doesn't this come down to self-awareness too. My partner will rage and I am sure he knows he is but saying that at that time his stress levels are so high - it is as if he is on a another level certainly not in control. Maybe when your partner calms down she forgets or becomes unaware of how bad her behaviour was. I also get his behaviour projected back onto me as if it was my fault he did it etc. I think on the whole they have very good memories and are hypervigilent. But, in the case of 'raging' I think they do lose some of their ability to know just how bad it actually is!

[A Red Panda]

My mom will deny all of the horrible things that she says and does.

If she gets called on stuff, talk about anger. She denies, then she twists things around until she tries to make me feel like I'm overreacting, oversensitive, and flat out imagining things or intentionally warping them. I would have eventually believed it was me... but I've seen her do it to my dad and brother too, so I know it's her and not me.

Try reading about gaslighting - it sounds a lot like what your wife is doing. She's probably convinced herself that her horrible behaviour didn't happen - it's not amnesia, it's just a strong denial, as she doesn't want to accept that about herself.

Then again, I could be totally wrong!

[noddy77562]

Hi

A big thankyou to all of you.
It helps to know that there are people out there in similar situation.
The loneliness of this illness on partners is huge.
In most cases it's only the partner who sees the "other side".
Outsiders only see the confident and charming person.
If I was to say to anyone else that my wife is horrible they would think
I was the one with the problem!!

Even stranger, my wife's mother has the same illness.
My wife hates her mother because of the horrible things she did (affairs) when
my wife was a child.
She has no relationship with her at all. Refuses to make contact. The mother acts in same way. As if the affairs never happened!
That memory thing is why I posted in the first place!
Did the mum and daughter both have amnesia!

Yet my wife cannot see the similarities!

I will try and put some distance between myself and wife.
I need to find "me" and loose a bit of "us"

Only for our kids I'd be gone. Well it's what I'd like to think anyway!