[radioactivegirl]

I have been seeing the same guy for 3 years. The good times are really good and the bad times are horrible. He likes to steal food and other items from his roommates then smiles coyly when they ask if he did it. He seems very fixed on himself although I know he has deep insecurities. I'm the only one who seems to know this though. To everyone else, he presents himself as VERY intelligent and special. He always has to inform someone of something he read online. I mention olive oil and he says, "The Egyptians used to use olive oil for this..." Someone says a bee is buzzing by their head and tells them about all the different types of bees. It's exhausting how he's constantly trying to prove himself when I know how wonderful he is already! Does this sound like narcissism? My father is convinced it is, and his words have really got me wondering.

[Jannaku]

Hi there,

Everyone has a certain degree of narcissism in their personality. It's what gives us self confidence and self esteem. Some people have more and some people have less. Narcissism is OK unless there is too much of it and it is a personality disorder. It can be refered to as healthy self love. Your boyfriend does not sound like he has narcissistic personality disorder but rather just some well developed narcissistic traits. Narcissists in terms of a disorder have a myriad of other nasty traits which all go together to create the personality disorder but their main traits are that they believe they are superior to everyone, have no empathy, are abusive and controlling, have a sense of entitlement etc, etc. There are many traits along the spectrum of narcissism. What you describe is very common. There are heaps of people out there that love to show off their knowledge and therefore portray some superiority. Unless it is out of control or accompanied by other more serious and disturbing narcisstic traits such as lying, being verbally abusive and only being completely interested in themselves I would say that your boyfriend is "normal" and that's just the way he is (for the moment at least). All the best.

while I don't agree that everyone has narcissistic traits, we do however have different levels of self confidence, esteem and at times a percentage of self-absorption. When it becomes what is called narcissistic is when the person has these things at an extreme level and is constantly self focused, thinks higher of themselves as in self importance and literally thinks the world revolves around them most of the time.

it sounds like your bf isn't necessarily narcissistic because you allude to the fact that he seems to be trying to "prove himself" while you know of his true insecurities. another thing is that being a 'know-it-all' in front of people is a single trait and there'd have to be more to it than that. I don't know all the details of the traits of narcissism but I'm sure that what you've described alone just isn't enough to say that.