Teenage Daughter--venting

Hi--My daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar for several years now. Slowing, the mood swings and violent outbursts are wearing me and my wife down. We do what we can for her--doctors, therapists, meds--but everynight there's some kind of scene. Any little thing that doesn't go exactly right or exactly her way, and she's off--yelling, verbally abusive of us, slamming doors, etc. That's tiring, but I know others are much worse off than we are. Shouldn't we be able to put up with this--we're her parents, after all. But the thing is, what really tears me up, is thinking about her future if things don't change. I don't know what's going to happen to her. I want her to be happy. She was happy as a child, but these last few years, she's never happy any more. How can she live like that? Who can live like that? It breaks my heart. I love her so much and I miss her when the mood swings take her away from us. And I worry about my wife--it's so hard on her too. Just a vent--not looking for a response necessarily. Just a long night with on one to talk to right now. I know you are out there listening. Thanks.

I'm sorry. Bipolar is sad but she will be better. Things will get better in the future.

Don't you think she MIGHT be using this as an excuse for BAD BEHAVIOR?? BiPolar children DO have to be taught to behave. You cannot enable them to be misbehaving children. They MUST be taught that they have to face consequences for their behavior. They have to face up to their responsibilities and be punished just like any other child.

Perhaps she knows the symptoms of BiPolar and she's milking it for all it's worth. Have you talked to her therapist about this behavior? Are you SURE that this is ALL part of the disease??? Teenagers can be VERY VERY sneaky and they try to put things over us continually. Just trying to put a bug in your ear so you're not "schmoozed" like some parents have been.

Make SURE that her behavior is the ILLNESS and not just bad behavior. It can be hard to distiinguish, and you'll need the help of the therapist to find out. God bless and best of luck. My heart goes out to you! Hugs, Lee

PS -- I KNOW you're great parents -- just saying that these teenagers learn from each other how to "get things over" on their parents. LOL I've seen it over and over again with my 16 yr old. Whew --- what a tornado! LOL

Wow! I hope you're still out there reading, because I'm having the same problems with my 14 year old who probably has bipolar, but the pdoc hasn't committed to a Dx yet. Mood swings are exhausting and I'm kept busy keeping her "calm" most of the time.

I'm sure that she's manipulating me sometimes and that sometimes she's not but HOW do you tell the difference? I don't want to punish symptoms but it's equally important to enforce standards of acceptable behavior and maintain reasonable expectations.

My own depression just complicates the mess because even when I'm feeling well it's tough to deal with her. When I'm down, it's completely impossible. Would love to chat sometime with other parents of BP teens. I'm just really starting to learn about the disorder and how to cope.

Hey Genetic--

I just wrote you over on the supporters' page. Leed is right--my kid sometimes uses the fits to manipulate us. As hard as it is, we just have to stand firm and weather the storm. My wife and I don't always succeed, sometimes giving in to have some calm wins out, but we do try. And we are holding her accountable now for her actions. If she ever touches one of us again, we call the police (that's stopped completely). If she self-harms, she loses the phone (that's almost completely stopped). Now for every screaming fit when she curses or calls one of us a name, she loses allowance. When she starts to drive, using the car will be conditional.

Like you, we're doing everything we can to help her. It's so hard sometimes, especially when she's with her sister who has problems of her own (but is off at college most of the time). I hope things are better now--it's been so long since you posted.

Dayton,
I have written two replies to your posts now and somehow, I keep losing the page I'm on and they get erased before I finish and post them. Going to bed now. Maybe tomorrow will be better. i appreciate your support. Hope to hear your dd is doing better.