BPD or what?

Shellsh0cked · 07:27 PM

Hello. I just joined the forum here, and I need some advice about a girl that I was dating recently. She has signs of BPD, and since I knew there were many BPDs on the forum I thought I would ask you guys to see what you think.
What you are about to read sounds like a nightmare…and a lot of it was, but I will say this. When things were good, they were wonderful. She took good care of me, said sweet things to me. She appreciated the way that I cared about her and the effort I made to make her happy. We had an outstanding sex life, and just enjoyed being around each other as much as possible. It’s just when the good was good, the bad…so much worse.
I was looking at the signs, and have done a fair amount of research on the subject….I got to say, it kind of freaked me out to read some of the descriptions and stories of other people that had to deal with a loved one that has this issue.
As I said, I have done a fair amount of research, and I understand that mistreatment or abandonment as a child doesn’t necessarily indicates BPD onset. I have read that many come from normal homes too…but I will say that as a child, her father was never in the picture and her mother was involved with a number of men that were physically, mentally and sexually abusive to her when they were very young. When we first got serious, she was often accusing me of not wanting to be with her. Like I didn’t think she was good enough for me. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I will say I have never been more in love with any woman…any time…any place. She’s the only woman in the room as far as I was concerned. She failed to see it that way. I was often accused of all kinds of affairs. From one of our mutual friends, a 16 year old child…to random girls, and believe it or not….EVEN her MOTHER. The last one I found so repulsive I just want to puke. Also it occurred on a holiday which made it even more disgusting to me.
One of the main things that made me think she may be BPD was that she values and devalues pretty much everyone in her life. Her family, her best friends…Her best friend is a good example. One day she is her best friend. She could come over, and after she leaves, she is saying she’s a filthy *****, a horrible person and she hates her. Two days later…chummy. Like the best person she's ever met. Now me? I was either God or Satan to her. There was no in between. It didn’t take anything to set her off. Black or white. No gray. If I forgot what time I was supposed to come over, or had to change plans at the last second, I was in big trouble. I could go from having been the sweetest man that ever walked to the earth to a jerk that couldn’t “figure it out” and I had “forgotten” her, or just had my mind on other things on my mind, like wanting to be with other women, or just plain didn’t care. It didn’t matter how big or small either. It was a relationship destroying issue. I was always scared to ever suggest changing plans because I knew what was in store. Now if she were to change plans on me that was completely acceptable. I completely changed every aspect of my lifestyle to accommodate her, and I still wound up losing.
Another thing that was huge was that she has had some issues with drugs and alcohol in the past, but the thing she seems to be the most self-damaging about is promiscuity. She has been with a lot of men. She told me a while back that she didn’t do that sort of thing anymore. Yet, we broke up several times and she slept with a couple of guys a week or less later. In fact, one of them less than 24 hours after we broke up. I was devastated. I love this girl…so much… Why would she want to do something like this? Somehow I managed to forgive her….even for that. She even threw that in my face when she was in an anger fit, but later justified how it was okay because we “weren’t together” at the time. It really broke my heart that she didn’t see that for what it was…that even on a moral level it was wrong. Her inability to see that was crushing.
Another sign. Suicide attempts. She has supposedly attempted suicide at least twice in the last two years. One time she got pretty close. So close that I really freaked out. She always blamed me for this. Telling me “I’ve never been this suicidal”. What? So in her eye some amount of suicidal tendencies is normal? She has made other attempts over years prior to us being together. How much was serious and how much was for attention I couldn’t begin to guess. We had a discussion a while back, and she said since she was 14, she had attempted it or seriously considered it six times. “That’s not a lot…” She actually said that to me. I almost hit the floor. Sure doesn't make you feel good to think you're the reason that person is so miserable.

Correct me if I am wrong, but panic disorders are also common with BPDs? Unfortunately, she also has a panic disorder that runs in her family. I have had one or two myself, so I know they are no fun. I have seen her freak out a couple of times over what I first thought to be nothing…couldn’t understand it…till I had one. This ties in with the irritability according to psychcentral….and yes, I could upset her by changing plans, having a duh moment…forgetting something I thought VERY insignificant…and be in the doghouse for days. With no letting up. Constantly reminded of what a selfish and heartless person I am. She would send me texts and emails while I was working telling me over and over that I was horrible. That I was in love with myself…and that I had everyone snowed that I was kind and decent. Accused me or being narcissistic…not caring about her needs. I would endure hours of torture trying to make up for tiny slights. Assuring her how much I love her. After it was resolved? No problems. As long as it was just the two of us together, with no outside contacts…we were two peas in a pod. We couldn’t possibly be more in love.
She often lost her cool on a level to which I had never seen before. On a couple of occasions, she caused a MAJOR scene in a public place filled with our common friends. I had literally sat down 10 seconds beside her when she jumped up freaking out. I couldn’t even get her to tell me why. Turns out she said I was looking at other women in the place. She said she “knew” I was attracted to them! I didn’t even have a clue as to what she was talking about…She left the building for about 30 minutes and then returned as we were cleaning up, and started yelling at me. In the parking lot…inside the building…at the top of her lungs. My friends thought she was crazy. I told her if she didn’t calm down that I was leaving. She kept yelling, so I left. She did not follow as one of my friends tried to talk her down. She showed up at my house right after I did…I mean like 3 seconds which indicated she had to have been driving at a very high rate of speed to catch me since she wasn’t in my rear view while I waited on the light. She was intoxicated, and got out of her car at 3 in the morning screaming at me. I calmed her down that night. She pulled the same kind of thing when we broke up around Christmas and came to my house and refused to leave without me giving her “closure”. She called me and left voicemails that I was “going to pay”, and she was going to get the closure if she had to stay there all night. And if I didn’t “want someone to die” I’d come there. One of my friends came with me, and we found knives in the car with her blood on them. She said later it was an accident, but I’m not so sure….whether they were to cut herself or me. The next morning she called me...unbelieving what she had done. Made me pretty uneasy…but like a fool I took her back. The final straw is when a similar public incident occurred, she got physical with me and threatened me…She decided to come to my house before I got home. This time to probably cut me up as she had again purchased knives before coming over. She also decided to do a great deal of damage to my car while she was there. She went to jail that night. I HATED that. I mean HATED it. Nothing sucks worse than watching someone you love in that position. She left me no choice. I just felt pity for her and decided I wasn’t going to bother with prosecuting her if the damage to the car was paid in restitution to the insurance company. She got off from all of the charges with a slap on the wrist with some anger management classes…I hear from others, she is still “very angry” two months later. She has no remorse for what she did, and blames me for her actions. She does not accept responsibility for her role in any of it.
The paranoia was the worst. According to her I was out to get her. I was narcissistic and I felt no empathy and that I manipulated everyone around me. She often said that her mother was also the scum of the earth. And that she hoped she’d die. When I traveled on business, she even accused me of having her mother with me! This was a fairly daily battle for me. Any woman…I mean any. Young, middle aged, old as dirt…didn’t matter. Once it started up, I was screwed.
WHEW!! What do y’all think?? It sure sounds crazy. I've been in therapy since March trying to sort through it myself.
Gotta say though. I hate this because I love her...so much...and I know were at a point where were done. I am never going back to that kind of treatment.

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