I have some questions :
If somebody loves somebody else, why must they fight all the flipping time?
How do You deal with parents fighting ALL the time? Especially when the day after they say "it started off about you".

[mazing]

I'm sorry to hear about this. It seems that you might be being put in the middle? First of all I want to say that it is not your fault - it is never your fault.

As for why people fight there are a lot of reasons. Even when in love there are people who still struggle to communicate their needs and opinions and can end up in fights. Some fights are healthy - they can help you express what you need and come to a solution - but ongoing can be hard on everyone involved

I'm sorry I don't really have any answers but wanted to say that I'm thinking of you

My parents argue too... Well it's just my mum being a bully. She bullies my dad, my sister and my brother. I don't hate my mum, I just wish she treated everyone a lot better. I don't understand why people fight even though they love them.

[eskielover]

I know personally, I fought with my husband because he was always trying to do something that would end up hurting us or doing something that was completely STUPID & I had absolutely no tolerance for someone who claimed he was so smart to have absolutely no common sense. The things I fought with him about were the things that I really didn't want to marry him because of before I stupidly listened to my mother who said he would grow up & become responsible when he had to (that was at the age of 22).

Anyway.....I finally left him after 33 years of that crap because it finally got to the point where I was actually seeing red when I had to deal with him....the anger got so bad that it wasn't just fighting any longer. We had our daughter who grew up through all that fighting.....& even if it was over something we disagreed about regarding her.....it definitely wasn't about her & it wasn't her fault......she was the innocent one that ended up being born into a marriage that never should have been.......& there definitely wasn't any love in the marriage as I used my engineering career to escape from it most of the week.

The only way to have stopped the fighting would have been to get the divorce earlier.....I wasn't about to walk away & let him win anything because I knew he was wrong. He would always say he was going to do something & then either never did it or ended up messing up what he did do........looking back, I realized that I was dealing with a passive aggressive person........& because I wasn't willing to back down when someone personally did something wrong to me.....my only solution was to FIGHT........life was miserable for me & my daughter.....& who in the world even knew how he felt about anything. He never communicated from the beginning of the marriage other than to make arrangements to do things that I knew weren't right....only way to stop him was to fight.

I know that the kids grow up around this & it's horrible to live around....the real problem is that the kids don't really know what the fight is really about.....they just see the surface level......& it's definitely not about them....but definitely goes deeply into the relationship between the parents that isn't good......I honestly don't think that there is TRUE love between people who fight constantly. Once in awhile there always has to be some differences between 2 people otherwise.....you can't live without disagreeing at least once in awhile....that's just life unless you are co-dependent & do everything the other person wants just to keep the peace.

But when the fighting is constant.....you can bet there is more bad stuff going on between them than can be seen at the surface that the kids can see.

I am sorry that you are in a family that is like that...know how miserable it must be......just make sure that even if they do try to throw guilt at you....that you do not believe it unless there are really bad things going on in your life that they are struggling with....otherwise, it's your parents stuff that is really causing all the problems & it just comes out with blame because human nature doesn't like to take the blame itself.

Thank you for your replies. Sadly, they did not make up until today. I still don't know what the fight was about, but I don't care anymore. I only get upset when they fight because they always threaten to leave each other. One packs up and the other is crying. It makes me feel better knowing that there are others who understand. <3