[pudsgirl]

We've always had issues. We've always gotten over them. We love each other terribly, and I've always recognized she was "quick tempered" and detached very easily when angered, but not until she busted a body mirror with her fist did I realize that this was more serious than I thought. She had always said things like, "yeah, they tried to tell me I was bipolar," but it was always in a nonchalant manner, so I didn't pay attention I guess, but now... I'm sitting with you in the emergency room, getting your hand doctored up, wondering, "what just happened to me?" Then I hear you ask the doctor to "talk to someone who can help me, because I am bipolar, and I am just stunned! What is this bipolar thing? And is this about to control my relationship? She has refused to take any meds for this, because she said in the past they made her feel "loopy." I am soooo new to this, but I am in love with my girlfriend, and want to do everything in my power to make this work, and to let her know I am here for her. Please help.

Sincerely,

The girlfriend of a Bipolar Gemini...

[Bobbarita]

You both need therapy if you are sincere in what you say about doing everything in your power to make it work. You also need to read books and educate yourself about BP. What types there are, what the symptoms are, what behavior it presents. I think the best thing you can do is to learn about the medications and have her learn about them as well. She definitely needs a psychiatrist who is knowledgeable about BP and mood disorders. The medications may very well have made her "loopy". There are many medications (sometimes used in combination) to stabilize BP. It is important to realize some may take time to work, some may have to be adusted, and some may have to be stopped and other medication(s) tried until the right combination is discovered. The patient must be compliant and take them as prescribed. The patient may have a difficult time accepting the diagnosis and need support and encouragement. Seeing a p-doc monthly is usually required to do "med checks", to guage how the patient is tolerating them, if they have to be"tweaked" (adjusted), and see the patient to decide if she is "stabilized" which is the goal of BP treatment. She should also see a psychologist/socialworker/licensed professional on a schedule discussed withe pdoc for talk therapy. Usually the pdoc is primary there for "med checks", not for 45 minutes talk sessions. Many times the pdoc and the talk-therapy doctor may share information if one or the oher notices the patient becoming unstable. Loving a person with BP is not easy. I married in 1992, was diagnosed BP1 in 2007, and aside from other issues, I believe my husband could not "handle" my diagnosis and all that it entailed. "In sickness and in health" is a very nice phrase until a partner has a BP diagnosis. It doesn't "go away", it does seem to be in remission when stabilized by medications and therapy, but once BP, always BP IMO. I think you will discover this in your research. You must help and encourage her and monitor her medication compliance or things most likely will go badly. Good luck to you. Both of you have a long road ahead of you.

[secretpsych]

Just be very supportive. She probably has a bit of a complex towards the idea of being medicated because in this day and age that term can have a negative connotation. She needs support more than anything and I beleive with some support she will accept the medication. She may need them to be changed or doses played with before they find what really works for her but this is a slow process and will require patience from you both. You both need to start to learn about this disorder and how it can affect relationships and the individual. I think Bobbarita had a great suggestion saying you both could do some type of therapy. Many times family and loved ones of someone affected by a disorder suffer more than acknowledged. Be calm and offer lots of love. Keep us updated!

[Pandora'sBox]

I am sorry to hear you're finding this a confusing time, but just because she is Bipolar doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

If you have managed to get to 18 months without even knowing this, and only having a few bust up's, then it sounds like she's pretty stable anyway to be honest.

Think of it like this - people with mental health problems are completely normal people, just every now and again the chemicals in the body can get a bit unbalanced and it makes them behave in unhealthy ways. But I know many Bipolar people who are not even medicated - they just control it through their behaviour.

And as I said before, if you have got this far with minimal problems, then it sounds like she's getting on ok without medication. Yes, she might have punched a mirror - but in the grand scheme of things it's not really a big deal. It's not like you suddenly have to panic and call in the doctors immediately - quick get this girl on medication and in therapy! couples therapy! medication updates! --- all that.

She is still exactly the same person as she was last week, last month, last year, when you met. It's just now you know about it.

All I would suggest is just to be there for her - if it doesn't seem to be affecting her life much and (largely) she is acting like a mentally well person (remember some people can be a bit quirky - doesn't mean they're mentally ill!), then let her decide where her treatment (if she needs any) goes. If she wants therapy, then support her. If she doesn't, then she doesn't have to be forced.

It sounds like you both care about eachother a lot - I wouldn't really suggest that you need therapy or couples therapy or anything like that, because although it's a bit of a shock, you sound like you're coping quite well.

Educating yourself about the disorder may be a good idea though.

And I'm not sure if you got confused, but I just thought I'd let you know, Bipolar Disorder isn't a personality disorder - it's an affective disorder (to do with emotions).

I wish you the best of luck, and trust me, it is very possible to have a happy healthy relationship with someone who has mental health problems.

Take care