[lisacj]

Hmmmmm......which forum should I post in?? My ex, thanks to him I would qualify under many differant topics. Let's see

1. He was sexually abused as a child
2. He's an alcoholic
3. He's verbally abusive
4. He fits every criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (daughters counselor confirms this)

I'm choosiing NPD because I'm very concerned. Not for myself so much, but our daughters emotional well being and/or whomever is the victim when he finally 'snaps' completely. I honestly can see him one day becoming a mass murderer, if he doesn't commit suicide first. He has sooooo much rage in him. When he gets mad at someone he feels "they must pay" and will do whatever he can to make that happen. Nobody was ever held accountable for his childhood sexual. In fact, when he tried to tell his parents when it happened, they didn't believe him. He lies so much I never believed him. It wasn't until my sister-n-law accidently let it slip that her husband (his brother) had talked about this, that I even believed it.

I acutally did stay friends with him for a while after our divorce (he really has no other friends). On advice of my daughters councelor, along with my own fears, I finally cut him off completely in January 2011. All his phone numbers are blocked from both our phones. There is a 'no tresspass' order on him if he ever shows up at my work (due to his determination to make me pay when I cut him off). This has managed to keep us off his radar for the most part.

A year later our daughters councelor told her she should write him a letter and tell him her feelings (she was starting to miss him). She wrote one powerful letter. She told him what she felt about his drinking and how much she wanted him to stop. He never replied. After realizing he didn't care enough to write back, she was farily well done with him.

Only during "the world is so mean to me" pity parties does he even think about seeing her. He really could care less about me or her. She was never really anything more than a trophy to him that he could brag about. I'm fairly sure if she were to drop out of school (she's only a freshman in high school), become pregnant, start a drinking habit, and get a drug addiction............her name would never reach his lips.

Although he cries and cries, to whoever will listen, about how I won't let him see his daughter and how mean I am, he has made no real attempts to see her. Before he and this last wife split they had discussed, and were planning, just showing up at one of our football games (our daughter is a varsity cheerleader). I am sooooo glad this didn't happen (we live in a very small town and she would have seen him in the stand). She would have been so upset! When his wrath was directed at me, she was soooo upset and begged him to stop.

After losing the girl he left me for, he started acting like those creepy stalkers that famous people get. At times he seems to have lost touch with reality. He will leave her alone for a while (when he gets a girlfriend) but when then he starts right back up.....obsessivly calling and texting. I have seen some of the texts, he talks like they never broke up and tells her how bad he wants to marry her.

I am so afraid that internal rage is one day going to cause him snap. He has never been a violent person, but he is changing soooo much. Many of us have tried to get him help. His brother contacted the police when his rage got directed their way. All the police say is "it's not illegal to be crazy". Well maybe if it was incidents like Sandy Hook wouldn't happen.

I know this is long. I try to include as much info as I can to make everyone understand. I am just at a loss. I don't hate him nor am I angry anymore. I actually enjoy him not in my life. But I do want my daughter to someday have a relationship with her father. She can't help who her father is. I come from such a small family and we don't have much to do with his brothers family (and nothing to do with his parents, who fall under a completely different forum). I just don't want her to one day have no family left.

[shezbut]

(((lisacj)))

I wish that I had some words of wisdom to share with you...but I don't.

My sister has AvPD, which is very similar to Narcissistic Personality Disorder ~ in that all they truly care about is themselves. They are #1, and always will be. They are extremely resistant to getting help and becoming emotionally healthier. They know how to play people as long as they want/need them, and then let go without a second thought or regret. Blaming others, rather than taking some responsibility for their current behaviors, is another biggie.

It is heartbreaking for those who truly care to watch this behavior. It is a sad reality and difficult to accept that your existence doesn't mean much at all to this person. However, once that reality is accepted, it does make life a little easier. As does developing and sticking by boundaries, to protect yourself: financially, emotionally, and physically. The relationship won't ever be the typical "dad/daughter", unfortunately, but that doesn't mean that she has to completely sever ties to her father. She just needs to develop healthy boundaries and stick to them ~ for herself!

Very best wishes to your daughter!

[lisacj]

You are sooo kind!! Unfortunatly this NPD wasn't brought to my attention until after we were divorced. I would have LOVED to have an excuse WHY he didn't care about me....WHY my feelings didn't matter.....WHY everything was always my fault (yes, even his countless affairs). Instead I spent 15 years being pushed further and further into depression.

Because I am me (and I can't change that) I actually feel sorry for him. I know he is sick (not to mention an alcoholic sick too). It was hard for me to turn my back on him, it's just not my nature.

I want my daughter to be old enough to understand his illness. I know how much it hurt me (his wife) to not matter, I can't imagine how she feels. I don't want her to hate him. He can't help it!!



Have a nice day!
Love,
l

[Jannaku]

Hi Lisacj I am so sorry to hear that you have had the misfortune of being involved with someone suffering from NPD. I know only too well what that is like because I'm still living it with my husband. Although my H sound quite different (he doesn't drink and no cheating) life with them can be a confusing nightmare. I can fully appreciate how you are feeling. The one thing that upsets me the most is that my love is never reciprocated. It's terrible to be in such a soul destroying one sided relationship and I'm so glad to hear that you managed to get out. As far as the relationship goes with your daughter - it will work itself out. My H has two children from a previous marriage and they still have a relationship with him even though I consider it to be totally superficial. A relationship with her is only worth it if it is good otherwise forget it. I wish you all the best

[lisacj]

Originally Posted by Jannaku

Hi Lisacj The one thing that upsets me the most is that my love is never reciprocated.

That is the one thing that bothers me too. I will never get my chance at "true love"

Have a nice day!
Love,
l