[hopefulhuman]

im a very private person where as my father is not. watching him growing up i never took a lesson, i thought of his extroversion as a weakness but now i envy it because i want to be like that but cant. i never thought i could be like that or "live up" to his standard. i also had a stutter which compounded all my neurosis. i believe HE also has, or had one, and my sister has one too. its a really unfortunate hand of cards ive been dealt. i hate that its such a big part of my life. i cant move on. but like i said, the guy is an extrovert to the max! he must have embraced it and now its like a source of strength for him. it also doesnt help that i still live at home with my parents because of my emotional and mental state. i feel like ive been fostered in such an environment that i dont have to do anything for myself. im 24 and cant freaking grow up and out of my selfish and destructive ways.

my dad always said that i was going to be someone and when i wanted to get a job (i.e. fast food) or something like that he would always respond that "i was better than that" or such nonsense. well i didnt feel that way but him saying that gave me really mixed emotions. now even trying to get a customer service job scares me but ive had jobs at factories and such and hated them because i would be working alone.

i really want to be successful and do the college thing again but i want to make sure that im stable enough to maintain whatever job i choose to get (just the engagement process of interviewing bogs me down. i stumble at my words a lot). im scared of my own shadow. i just want to feel like i'm worth something.

thanks,
Dallas

[Travelinglady]

I assure you that you are worth something! Our parents' influence even lingers in some folks after their parents have passed away!

I have found therapy to be helpful. There I can talk about the latest criticism from my mother and get sympathy and assurance. When it comes down to it, it is your life. Parents shouldn't try to live through their children. If you are truly doing the best you can and being who you are, then it's the parents' problem for not accepting that.

How is your self-esteem? Is it damaged? There are resources to help with that. We even have a forum where people address this topic.

Also, seek out supportive friends who accept you and can support you, if you do wish to work on yourself.