Betrayed wife/caregiver

Hello,

I feel as if my husband keeps finding ways to betray me. He is bipolar and tends to flirt with women. He seeks/craves validation and attention from others. I saw this quite a bit when we were dating and i was stupid to think that he was just a friendly guy and I thought he was trust-worthy. Well...once we got married it continued. He would gawk, stare, flirt with women and tried to do it discreetly but I caught him almost every time . I also, caught him contacting his ex girlfriends and had attempted to make plans with them while I was pregnant. I have more stories of betrayal like this, but I'm now at a point where I am feeling like I don't want to stay around anymore, because recently he betrayed me again by lying and hiding something from me. and this was after he promised me that he would never do these things again. So, i stayed. Then recently i caught him instant messaging a female co-worker in a flirtatious manner...and they made plans to have lunch together. I found the messages after the fact though....He never planned on telling me about it either. And when I confronted him he lied About it. my heart feels so hurt and heavy...and I'm waking up in the mornings with heavy anxieties thinking he might do this again. I need to hear if any one has had similar experiences with a loved one and any advice would be extremely appreciated.

Hi Betrayed1, nice to meet you. I wanted to welcome you to Psych Central. There are alot of supportive people here. Nice to have you.

Hi Layla!! Thank you so much

Hi Layla11,

Thank so much

Hi Betrayed

This is my XH to a t. He lied about all his emotional affairs - he has always been a player but sticks mostly to flirting, kissing, validation seeking. He triangulates like crazy - drove me batty. He also sees him self as friendly, a nice guy, a great catch.

They lie but don't change. Look
up narcissism and borderline personality disorder. He seems to show classic cluster b behaviour.

I'm sorry your H is like this and wish you the best.

I've been betrayed by my son's father we were engaged and I saw him do all the same stuff like flirting etc... and since we were living together at the time, i made plans to get away, as he was also pshysicaly abusive, and i am here today and not dead by some roadside. i had to plan the whole thing with my friend-money issues and such.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with me; your tip on cluster b enlightened me a bit and I found that my H falls in this category, specifically histrionic personality disorder:
Features intense expressions of emotion and excessive attention-seeking; often seek out attention and are uncomfortable when others are receiving attention. They may often engage in seductive or sexually promiscuous behavior, or use their physical appearance to draw attention to themselves. They also may demonstrate rapidly shifting emotions and express emotion in a very dramatic fashion.

What a terrifying chain of events you must have gone thru...I'm sorry you went thru that. I hope you can continue to stay away from him for your own safety. It sounds like if you had stayed it may have escalated and worsened. Good thing you were able to get away. Stay strong and focus on starting a new life without him.

Thanks Betrayed!!!

Betrayed1, i do not have any advice to offer. i am not married. i wish you the strength to do what is best for you. If that means separate...then so be it. Take care of your children and you first and formost. Your H will manage. Your children have seen you hurt by your H enough already.

i just want to whine about my caretaker frustration.
My mother depends on me for everything and does not seem to help. Of course this is just me feeling overwhelmed and burned out. i do not have many friends. The one friend just appears to want to use me for the use of my car not my company. So i am latching out. i made an appointment for Friday to get my mother's ears cleaned out at a far away place. Now i plan to change it because i just needed to change the batteries. She does need to get the wax out but now that the hearing aids are working a bit better i will change the appointment for Tuesday if i can. Oh...maybe i should just keep the long distance appointment. Ugh! i do not know what to do. Screaming just works my last nerve. Then this physical therapist calls the day of our scheduled appointment about an hour beforehand to ask if she can change to a later time. A day's notice would be different but not with such short notice. Then this same physical therapist cancelled earlier this week because someone new person was starting and she needed to move my mom to an earlier time....i said no. This time it was two hours earlier that she called but the same day. Thus while i was getting my mom bathed and dressed for the day she was calling about coming over to the house for PT then. Always it is at the physical therapist's convenience. Crap! So there will be no PT this week. Okay...also had low blood sugar this morning but managed only to get a call from that one friend who is interested in the car, and then came the PT's phone call. The last straw was the batteries in the hearing aids.
Do i push away this person attempting to me a friend? Or do i just drop it. i do not need to give to anyone else but me. i am struggling to be a friend to me. i do not have the energy cater to the needs of someone who appears to have ulterior motives. Ugh! What a morning. Okay. Some deep breaths...get a glass of water and play a game.

Hi, I only joined this site last night in desperation but hope it's going to help me through a bad patch.
My husband is Bipolar2 and can no longer cope with even modest amounts of alcohol. He resents this and has a tendency to take his quota in one go which sets him off for minimum 8hrs of dozing verbal abuse and crazy behaviour.
He has been like this since he retired due to his condition worsening and resents this fact. He also has OCD and anything he undertakes he is fanatical about it.
He also likes to flirt and I have caught him in the past having an 'online affair' with en ex and was in the process of meeting her when I intercepted his emails. I now no longer an access them!!!
He is always sorry and apologetic the dsy after.
His behaviour has cause my ME to return after a gap of 21yrs and I now resent this.
I feel as if I am his 24 hour carer as I can never elax if we go anywhere as i never know if he'll drink too much or behave in an inappropriate manner. He is also not very good socially uness he is chatting to attractive women.
If I didn't love him so much I would leave but I'm now worried about my own quality of life and may find leaving my only option in order to safegaurd my own health. I've also been in and out of hospitsl for 3 yrs with gallstone disease and billiary dismotility and often have very painfull episodes. So I could do with some sort of escape route on here and also try to hel others too.
wish I had an answer for everyones problems but I don't but think sharing on here woud defienetly help everyone so keep posting and reading.